This week, Little Caesars unveiled their latest culinary invention, the Crazy Calzony. Instantly, the internet was left scratching its collective head — with opinions split between disgust and hunger-induced curiosity. At first glance, I wasn’t on board. I hate meme foods that look like they were made solely to create conversation. Call me crazy but I really want chains to do one thing and one thing only: make good food at an affordable (yet sustainable) price.
Was I being unfair to the Crazy Calzony? Maybe. Just because something looks like it was made to be memed doesn’t make it automatically bad. On paper, the thing sounds solid. So solid that I knew I had to try it ASAP.
The Crazy Calzony claims to be part pepperoni pizza, part calzone. Inside the crust, you’ll find a garlic white sauce, mozzarella cheese, and julienned pepperonis, with some parmesan sprinkled over the whole pie for good measure. To us, it looks less like a calzone and more like a Sicilian quadri pizza, where the crust is folded over, essentially creating a stuffed crust pizza. So it’s not like there isn’t precedent for this — though we doubt that’s what Little Caesars was going for.
The Crazy Calzony is available at participating Little Caesars nationwide for delivery or pickup at a price of $8.49. Beginning August 23rd it’ll be available as a Hot N’ Ready item. We tried two Crazy Calzonys this week to see if this thing is worth the buy — so that you don’t have to take the chance next time you end up at a Little Caesars choosing between this or a sensibly priced $5 regular pizza.
Let’s dive in!
Little Caesar’s Crazy Calzony Pepperoni Pizza/ Cheese Pizza
Crazy Calzony? More like f*cked up calzone. Seriously, let’s get this right out of the way, if your interest in this pizza revolves around the idea that you get the best of both worlds with the Crazy Calzony you’re going to be disappointed — this is nothing like eating a calzone. What makes a Calzone great is how many ingredients the form factor allows you to stuff inside of it (and the puff of an air-sealed crust). A calzone, unlike a pizza, isn’t about toppings, it’s about fillings, which are two very different things. Unfortunately, as far as fillings go the Crazy Calzony is lacking. You get little chunks of julienned pepperoni, but that’s it, it’s mostly a crust stuffed with cheese. Even the garlic white sauce gets consumed by that cheese, giving it a different consistency than the cheese on top of the pie, but aside from the mouthfeel being different, it’s very easy to mistake this sauce for more cheese, with some subtle notes of garlic thrown in there.
That’s not a problem for me, I love stuffed crust pizza. But I’m just warning the calzone-heads out there, this thing is going to keep you wanting if what you want is a calzone. This isn’t even a bad calzone, it’s just not a calzone at all.
Another thing that makes calzones great is how easily dippable they are, Little Caesars gets this which is why they supply their famous Crazy Sauce with this pie. But considering Little Caesars’ regular pizza is constructed in a way that the toppings magically hold up against gravity, you can also do that with a regular slice of Little Caesars’ pizza, so you don’t need this form factor for that experience.
At first bite, you’ll be greeted with an overwhelming amount of salt that settles into notes of butter and garlic, and then, unfortunately, the flavor ride is over. This isn’t the most complex of culinary experiences, but it is in no way bad, aside from the greasy fingers it’ll leave you. It’s great stoner food, so if you’re indulging the munchies, definitely get it. As we alluded to before, this is less like a calzone and more like a stuffed crust pizza, but I like it better than a normal stuffed crust pizza. The way the cheese spills over from the crust into the pie is a beautiful thing. If you’ve ever eaten a stuffed crust pizza and wanted even more cheese, this provides that.
Plus you get more crispiness.
I had both the all-cheese and pepperoni versions and for the most part, the experiences were the same. Both feature the julienne pepperonis in the crust, so vegetarians beware, this pizza is not friendly to you. As you can tell from the picture, the pepperoni pizza was assembled haphazardly, so overall it felt really lacking in the toppings department. Overall, the flavors here are good, and if you love Little Caesars it’s safe to assume you’re going to like the taste of this, but please, Little Caesars, if you’re listening, we have a very easy fix for the overall lackluster experience of eating this pizza — offer some fillings choices. Give us the chance to stick anything you’ve got into that crust.
The Bottom Line
If you’re looking for a calzone look elsewhere. If you’re looking for the evolution of the stuffed crust pizza, this is it! There is more cheese than your regular stuffed crust, and with the inclusion of the garlic white sauce, you get an extra flavor in there to keep things interesting.
For the best results don’t pick this one up Hot-N-Ready, instead order it online or in-store and go crazy with those toppings. Pepperoni, bacon, and green peppers seem like a winner paired with that garlic white sauce in the crust. Don’t stop at the Crazy Sauce either, if you have your own favorite dipping sauces at home, definitely utilize them — this pizza needs a little extra help in order to realize its full potential.