Iconic Motown singer-songwriter Edwin Starr once asked us, “War, what is it good for?”
As it turns out, war can be good for anything! From small business to freedom itself, all is fair. At least it is to Fox News.
The conservative news network has used the word “war” so many times, The Recount created a hilarious—if not savage—compilation video, with the caption: “The war on Christmas is just the tip of the iceberg. Get ready for the #FoxeverWars.”
The video racked up a total of 46 “wars”. Yes, 46. That was not a typo.
Welcome to the Foxever Wars
The usual suspects were there: a war on wealthy Americans and Republican governors, a war on men, white men, and conservative women, a war on Christianity. The last one I find ironic. No offense, but doesn’t Christian doctrine dictate a constant war between good and evil anyway? Oh, and to be fair, there’s also a war on Judaism.
Things pretty much escalated from 0 to 100 after that. Both parents and children are in a war, as well the suburbs. I guess cities are now a war-free zone, who knew?
Holidays? Forget about it. Christmas and Thanksgiving are back-to-back wars.
Think inanimate objects are safe? Guess again! There’s a war on cars! A war on straws! A war on styrofoam!
How’s this for logic? Cows + dogs = war. Cats were not mentioned. Therefore, cats = peace. Every cat person already knows this, but now everyone knows.
The food pyramid is practically a battlefield, having a war on meat, soda, appetizers, and … wait for it … hot dogs. That one was my personal favorite.
Even though Fox also declared a war on fun, reading the amusing comments to this video proved that fun has indeed survived the trenches.
Like one twitterer who shared their buyer’s remorse, saying “I wish I knew there was a war on Christmas again, I just finished my shopping.”
One person wrote on Twitter, “I would relish in a hot dog war.” It brought me great joy.
“Let’s not forget the war on Beatty, the war on Buffett, and the war on G. Harding,” another word play lover wrote.
Another person even brought in a very appropo “Star Wars” reference. Hilarious.
Seriously, if you’re looking to get drunk fast, make this a new drinking game while watching Fox News. That might be considered a war on your liver, but hey, the word has now lost all meaning anyway.