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Vladimir Putin’s Regime Is (Baselessly) Arguing That They’re Unfairly Stacked Up Against Genetically Modified Ukrainian Super Soldiers

Russia may eventually win the war in the Ukraine, but it’s not nearly as easy as Vladimir Putin imagined it would be. The will of the Ukrainian people is strong, and Putin’s troops have been caught flat-footed on more than one occasion. Halted convoys and troops that are threatening to blow up their general don’t bode well. All the while, Putin seems very concerned about defending his shirtless horseback photos, and god only knows how distracted he is about his prized Botox supply amid economic turmoil.

For sure, a strange dichotomy is emerging from within the Putin regime. The Russian president lost a top commander (a.k.a., “The Executioner”) by way of a sniper in Ukraine. That’s only one recent embarrassment, all while Putin’s goons somehow suggested that that Russia could invade Alaska. And yet! The Russian regime is now claiming that they’re getting their butts kicked because Ukraine genetically modified it’s soldiers… or something? It’s outlandish and baseless, but Putin’s lawmaker allies decided to pass on the conspiracy of Ukraine concocting “monsters” in labs and then putting them onto battlefields. Via Business Insider:

[T]wo politicians — Konstantin Kosachev, the deputy speaker of Russia’s Federation Council, and Irina Yarovaya, deputy chair of the State Duma — are currently spearheading an investigation into the alleged laboratories in Ukraine, per Russian news outlet Kommersant.

This claim appeared to have been taken one step further by the Russian politicians this week, who said they had tested the blood of captured Ukrainian soldiers and found what they claimed was evidence of experiments “for military purposes,” per Kommersant.

There is no evidence of Ukraine deploying genetically modified super soldiers.

Yes, they’re claiming that there’s some Winter Soldier-esque activity going on, and it all sounds like the lamest Marvel re-up in the world. There’s no word on whether these lawmakers were laughed out of the room while claiming that Ukraine conspired to “completely neutralize the last traces of human consciousness” by way of test tubes. Russia’s looking pretty damn desperate with this claim, and of course, Ukrainian President Zelensky has yet to dignify this fiction with a response. That makes total sense: the folk hero is very busy right about now.

(Via Business Insider)