Month: August 2022

Last month, Memphis rap godfather Yo Gotti signed an up-and-coming rapper from his hometown named GloRilla to his label, CMG, after her single “FNF (Let’s Go)” took off in a big way, becoming one of the viral breakouts of the year. Fans named “FNF” the song of the summer and have spent the past few months celebrating Glo for her rough-and-ready rhymes and down-to-earth bearing. Today, she followed up with her second single since signing to CMG, “Blessed.”

Built on a sparse but hard-hitting beat produced by Macaroni Toni, the new track sees Glo reiterating her realness, asserting that she’d “rather give the people hope” because “it’s pointless to giving f*cks.” She also says she maintains her “ratchet tendencies” despite moving to the suburbs and is more focused on taking care of her people than showing off for clout. Yo Gotti comes in on the second verse to back her up — although it’s clear she doesn’t really need it — and details the levels to his success.

Earlier this week GloRilla gave her fans another example of her commitment to authenticity, telling her followers on Instagram she has no plans of getting plastic surgery despite apparently being encouraged to by some who are used to female stars getting their features augmented. “You mfs better get use to this slim body, green eyes & big beautiful nose of mine cause ain’t a damn thing gone change,” she wrote. “Y’all can hate y’all self all ya want but I luv me some BIG GLO.”

You can check out her new song “Blessed” above and stay tuned as her takeover continues.

Summer 2022 was peak festival season at its finest. From epic pool parties in the desert to all-out gatherings in the forest, it’s been a whirlwind of hit music, dancing, good booze, and even better vibes all across the U.S. and beyond. Of the many summer festivals, one stand-out event was the inaugural celebration of Atlantis Concert For Earth, which went down on the weekend of July 22nd and July 23rd in Azores, Portugal. The premise of the festival was to start a positive and hopeful conversation about the climate and conservation by bringing people together to witness incredible music performances. The lineup included household names including Black Eyed Peas, Pitbull, Stone Temple Pilots, and Nicole Scherzinger, among others.

To give you an inside look at the event and help you ignite your own conversations about climate action, we’re sharing some of our favorite photos from the festival below. Keep scrolling for the sights, scenes, and smiles at Atlantis Concert For Earth.

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Leonardo DiCaprio did it again. The prolific actor and former teen heartthrob broke up with his girlfriend, model Camila Morrone, shortly after she turned 25 in June. The couple had been together for four years, but there’s no stopping the now-infamous expiration date even though inside sources seemed to be under the impression that their relationship would go the distance.

Via PEOPLE:

Back in July 2019, an insider told PEOPLE that DiCaprio and Morrone seemed “pretty serious” with each other. “It’s definitely not a casual relationship. Camila spends a lot of time at his house. Camila is long known as Leo’s girlfriend. And Leo introduced her to both of his parents long ago.”

Then, in June 2020, a source said DiCaprio “loves being with” Morrone as they “spent 24/7” with each other amid the pandemic lockdown. “They are very close,” the source added at the time.

Apparently, Morrone couldn’t escape the same fate as her predecessors when it comes to DiCaprio’s undeniable age preference. The 47-year-old actor has a long history of dating models (including the now Mrs. Tom Brady, Giselle Bundchen) and then ending things once they inevitably turn 25. As his recent break-up with Morrone demonstrates, it’s almost like clockwork.

However, social media is not doing DiCaprio the courtesy of pretending his obvious dating habit doesn’t exist and within hours of the news breaking that he dumped Morrone, the jokes started flying on Twitter. Even the LA Times get in on the gag:

You can see more reactions below as people are clearly having a field day:

While DiCaprio continues to get roasted, one Twitter user floater floated an interesting theory that, well, still roasts him, but it’s definitely food for thought:

(Via PEOPLE)

Nearly twenty years ago, Starbucks first unveiled the Pumpkin Spice Latte and it pretty much broke America. Ever since that fateful day we’ve been living in the aftermath and every year around this time people absolutely lose their f*cking minds over pumpkin (or pumpkin-spice)–flavored food products. Store shelves get stocked with an unusually high number of items that no one ever asked for, splitting us into two factions: people who hate pumpkin spice-flavored things with the sort of inexplicable passion usually reserved for mayo, and people who love pumpkin spice-flavored things so much that they have to have it on everything. Again, like mayo.

What we’re trying to say is — pumpkin spice is like seasonal mayo. A very vocal minority of people absolutely hate it and make a lot of noise over it, but a majority of people clearly love it because we keep getting pumpkin-flavored things.

While Starbucks didn’t invent pumpkin spice, they definitely helped to popularize it. And now the drink that started it all is back for its 19th consecutive year as the centerpiece of Starbucks’ new fall menu. The full menu consists of the Pumpkin Spice Latte, Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew, Apple Crisp Macchiato, Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffin, Pumpkin Scone, and the Pumpkin Loaf, and will be available for a limited time until we hit the winter season and everything becomes peppermint.

Anyway, we tried the entire fall menu so that you don’t have to, and ranked them. Here is what’s worth ordering and what’s not.

6. Pumpkin Scone

Tasting Notes:

We have to give the bottom spot to the Pumpkin Scone — sorry, scone fans. A good scone should be soft and crumbly, this is dense, dry, and bready. The flavor is there, it’s a nice mix of earthy cinnamon, nutmeg, and molasses notes and it tastes delicious, but the dry mouthfeel holds this back. The scone is topped with a heavy layer of sugary icing, and it adds a nice sweet creamy compliment to the spicier flavors, but it also adds a brittle top layer to the already-bad mouthfeel.

The Bottom Line:

Skip it. It’s too dry and doesn’t have the texture of a proper scone.

5. Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew

There is a sour staleness to Starbucks’ Cold Brew so I can’t say I’m a fan of the Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew. This drink combines Starbucks’ cold brew sweetened with vanilla syrup and topped with pumpkin cream flavored cold foam and a sprinkling of pumpkin spice. The flavor isn’t quite as spice-forward as you’d expect, instead, that sour cold brew flavor and vanilla dominate with the pumpkin serving as a feature, not the focus.

When something is pumpkin spice flavored, you kind of want that to be the dominant flavor. This tastes like a major miss.

The Bottom Line:

Skip it. If you want a pumpkin-flavored iced drink you’re better off going with an iced pumpkin spice latte — the pumpkin notes just aren’t strong enough here to satisfy.

4. Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffin

Tasting Notes:

Okay pumpkin spice fans, I promise that my hate for this Starbucks Fall menu ends… right after this entry. I’m kidding, the Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffin is pretty delicious. The muffin features a pumpkin spice base with strong nutmeg, cinnamon, ginger, and clove flavors and a dollop of cream cheese in the center of the muffin top. It’s spicy, tangy, sweet, and strangely comforting. This muffin put me in a really good mood, which, I mean shouldn’t be a surprise, it’s a muffin, but for whatever reason, I ended my original tasting notes by writing the phrase “a feel-good muffin!”

The cream cheese pairs great with the pumpkin spice flavor, adding a sweet and gentle tang, I think the combination works even better than carrot cake and cream cheese. The only downside of this muffin is the stump, it’s a bit too dry and boring in comparison to the top, but then, what muffin aside from blueberry (the greatest muffin) doesn’t have this problem?

The Bottom Line:

Get it! A pumpkin-flavored version of carrot cake, it even has pumpkin seeds in place of the walnuts.

3. Pumpkin Spice Latte

Tasting Notes:

I get why Starbucks is responsible for America’s obsession with pumpkin spice. A lot of pumpkin spice-flavored things taste gimmicky, they can feel like a product of pure marketing that exists solely because brands know people will be curious, but Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Latte actually tastes like something someone genuinely tried to make taste good. And it does!

This latte is flavored with cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove, along with a spiced pumpkin sauce that totally drowns out the bitter notes of Starbucks’ espresso, offering a sweet, fragrant, and spicy flavor that dances on the tongue. I know it’s still summer, but definitely get this one hot, Starbucks’ iced lattes tend to taste more muddled and watered down, but on the hot version of this latte the flavors really jump out on the palate.

The Bottom Line:

Order it hot alongside number two on this ranking.

2. Pumpkin Loaf

Tasting Notes:

Before actually eating this thing I was convinced it was going to rank at the bottom of this list. It looks like the most boring baked snack ever, it’s simply a small dry-looking loaf of pumpkin spice bread. One bite of this thing and I was blown away. This is just too good, the cinnamon, clove, and nutmeg flavor taste rich and spicy and the bread itself is incredibly moist and spongey. It melts in your mouth, which isn’t something I’d ever expect from a Starbucks bakery case.

Pumpkin seeds pepper the top of the loaf, adding that soft nutty, slightly savory flavor that pumpkin seeds have. The only thing that could improve this loaf is some whipped cream — it’s not necessary but it would do a lot to make this experience even more delicious. Besides, Starbucks is always trying to get you to take whipped cream on things — why not this?!

The Bottom Line:

It looks boring but it’s the best Starbucks bakery case item you can get at this time of year.

1. Apple Crisp Macchiato

Tasting Notes:

If you clicked on this article because you’re a hardcore pumpkin spice fan I’m sorry but… Apple Crisp trumps pumpkin spice. Maybe it’s just the novelty of having something different, but the Apple Crisp tastes a lot more interesting to me and less tired than pumpkin spice. The Apple Crisp Macchiato combines Starbucks’ blond espresso — which features a lighter and more delicate flavor than Starbucks’ over-roasted OG espresso used in the Pumpkin Spice Latte — and oat milk with the flavors of apple, cinnamon, and brown sugar, topped with a spiced apple drizzle.

The flavor hits the palate with a sour green apple skin flavor before mellowing out into an apple pie sweetness, with a soft and smooth mouthfeel. There is a pleasant roundness to the way the flavors travel across your tongue, it’s delicate, sweet, and slightly fruity, but in a way that still speaks to the fall season. Forget about pumpkin spice, let’s usher in the decade of the Apple Crisp!

The Bottom Line:

In a perfect world, Starbucks would flip a coin every year and decide between the pumpkin spice or apple crisp. It would make each flavor more special, but with both available, our go-to is the Apple Crisp Macchiato.

You’ve heard of emotional support dogs, cats and even an emotional support peacock. But an emotional support alligator? This has to be a first. Joie Henney and his emotional support alligator, Wally, are turning heads after Henney took the gator to Love Park in Philadelphia recently. In the viral video, the gator can be seen in a harness and leash while it enjoys the splash coming from the fountain. The leash is being held by a little girl, who is the child of Henney’s friend. That’s a lot of trust in an animal that people would generally sprint in the other direction to get away from.

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That doesn’t stop Henney from treating the animal just like he would if Wally was a golden retriever. According to an interview Henney did with CNN, he came by the alligator after a friend in Florida asked him to take the baby gator that was in his pond. Wally was just under two feet long at that point, but he came at the right time for Henney, who had recently experienced the death of three friends.

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Henney told The Philadelphia Inquirer, “My doctor wanted to put me on depression medicine, and I hate taking medicine. I had Wally, and when I came home and was around him, it was all OK. My doctor knew about Wally and figured it works, so why not?”

While Wally is certainly sweet, alligators can be vicious when encountered in the wild, so this isn’t something you’d want to try at home. Wally was different from the start. Henney explained to CNN, “Wally has been quite different than any alligator I’ve ever dealt with in the past 30 years. He doesn’t show anger. He doesn’t show aggression. He hasn’t since the day he was caught. We never could understand why.” He went on to say that the gator sleeps with him and is known to be a pillow hog.

I don’t know about you, but something about sleeping with an alligator’s head on my pillow doesn’t seem like it would be ideal conditions for a good night’s sleep. But for Henney, having his prehistoric friend snuggled next to him helps his depression and has been a support through his treatment for prostate cancer, according to CNN. I suppose once you get over the fear that the alligator might suddenly decide that your face looks like a delicious snack, you learn to relax a bit.

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The same goes for people around town. Wally is somewhat of a local celebrity. When he splashed around at Love Park, people came up to hug him and take pictures. Sure, people know he’s an alligator, but the love is abundant for this surprisingly docile animal. Henney has told multiple news outlets that the alligator is not interested in biting anyone.

I’ll just have to take his word for it. In the meantime, we can catch up with Wally and his adventures on social media where non-locals go to see what the alligator is doing. Wishing Henney all the luck with his treatments. I’m sure Wally will continue to give the best alligator snuggles while his human recovers.

America has some interesting unspoken rules surrounding caring for children, making cultural differences difficult to navigate. What might be normal in one person’s country or culture may be considered dangerous in America. With that in mind, it may be surprising to learn that in Scandinavian countries parents often put their babies outside to nap. Even when they’re away from the house, babies get bundled up and set outside oftentimes without their parent or caregiver.

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I can feel the shock through the screen.

Yes, these babies are placed outside in the summer or winter to catch their midday nap while their parents check in on them from time to time. It may seem strange to people who aren’t from Scandinavia and doing so in America may warrant an investigation by child protective services.

But now that Scandinavia-style forest schools are on the rise in America, we could be in for a shift. Maybe this type of child-rearing will be normalized in America eventually.

Just like forest schools are a little “out there” here in America, they have been the norm in other countries for years. So perhaps outdoor napping will become a thing here, too. But why do Scandinavian parents give their infants the boot when it’s time to catch some Z’s? Parents and researchers believe that napping outside lowers a child’s risk of being exposed to germs, makes them happier and they sleep longer.

Sleeping in freezing cold weather, even if properly bundled, doesn’t seem like a relaxing experience to me, but I’m not a baby so what do I know? A Finnish study found that babies sleep longer when they nap outdoors, so maybe these parents are on to something after all.

See on Instagram

In 2020, Danish musician Amalie Bruun shared a photo on Instagram revealing that she places her baby outside to sleep. Commenters informed the star that they also put their babies outside or that they themselves slept outside as infants. Of course, there are risks to an infant sleeping outside like sudden bad weather or someone who may mean the child harm. But most parents who allow their infants to sleep outdoors stay close by and check on them frequently.

Scandinavian parents seem to truly feel that this practice is best and a good way to make sure their child is getting fresh air. But before Americans go bundling up little Joey and tossing him on the patio for a nap, keep in mind that not everyone will understand. In 1997, a Danish actor living in New York was famously arrested and strip searched for placing her baby on the patio of a local restaurant to nap while she and the baby’s father had drinks inside.

While there are definitely some cultural differences between Scandinavian and American parenting styles, most parents are just looking for the best way to get their kids to sleep. If outside is the key to long naps so an exhausted parent can get a few minutes of quiet, put on your parka and enjoy the baby snores.

Harrison Patrick Smith may have just released his debut track under the moniker The Dare, but he’s no stranger to the music scene. Smith, a resident DJ at an NYC bar, has made music for years under the name Turtlenecked and even toured with groups like Porches and Strange Ranger. But with The Dare, Smith aims to bring back haphazard and irreverent experimentation of blog-era indie, now affectionately remembered as indie sleaze. “There’s a feeling of optimism and openness in underground music from that time that I feel faded into genre camps again in the mid 2010s,” he says. “I wanna bring that feeling back,”

Enter his lead single “Girls,” a two-minute banger reminiscent of Damon Albarn’s most upbeat hits mixed with LCD Soundsystem’s early era. The electrifying song is an ode to New York’s thriving nightlife and all the chaos that ensues with it. It’s cheeky, catchy, and a bit sarcastic, pointing to what is expected to be a welcomed indie revamp as Smith delves into the world of electroclash, techno, and house music.

Celebrating his new project The Dare, Smith sits down with Uproxx to talk Weezer, Alex G, and a nightmare-inducing fear of tattoos in our latest Q&A.

What are four words you would use to describe your music?

Cheeky, fun, sexy, and punk.

It’s 2050 and the world hasn’t ended and people are still listening to your music. How would you like it to be remembered?

Marble statue or large portrait in the MET.

What’s your favorite city in the world to perform?

New York City. Paris is a close second.

Who’s the person who has most inspired your work, and why?

John Keats’s Ode On Grecian Urn and Ode To A Nightingale are the most thematically influential poems to my writing.

Where did you eat the best meal of your life?

I actually just had a lovely one at your mother’s house last night.

What album do you know every word to?

Obey by Brainbombs.

What was the best concert you’ve ever attended?

Sleigh Bells at the Showbox in Seattle, February 24, 2012. Or every single Cooper B Handy (LUCY) show.

What is the best outfit for performing and why?

Black suit and tie because nothing looks better.

Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter and/or Instagram?

Favorite Instagram is @writers_life_tips, fave twitter lately is @matthewgoldin.

What’s your most frequently played song in the van on tour?

“Runner” by Alex G. One of the best songs he’s ever made in my opinion and probably one of the best songs of the year.

What’s the last thing you Googled?

The Manual by The KLF.

What album makes for the perfect gift?

Weezer’s Pinkerton 4LP Box Set. First record I ever bought. Has all of the incredible B-sides and a great phone interview from the era.

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever crashed while on tour?

Akron, Ohio. I can’t really get into it.

What’s the story behind your first or favorite tattoo?

I don’t have any tattoos and I actually have nightmares about getting one.

What artists keep you from flipping the channel on the radio?

What the hell is the radio?

What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

My friend Sam letting me DJ a Monday night at Home Sweet Home in the Lower East Side without any experience. That’s really where my life in NYC began.

What’s one piece of advice you’d go back in time to give to your 18-year-old self?

Do not break into the abandoned mansion in the back of your neighborhood.

What’s the last show you went to?

Blaketheman1000 at a Forever Mag poetry reading.

What movie can you not resist watching when it’s on TV?

I don’t watch TV but my favorite movies are Rachel Getting Married, Bridget Jones’s Diary, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974).

What’s one of your hidden talents?

Every talent I have is known, for better or worse.

These days, it seems like rappers are always in some sort of legal trouble, much of it pertaining to their lyrics if not accusations of legitimate criminal activity. But Pras Michael, 1/3 of ’90s icons Fugees, is currently facing trial for charges that might very well be completely unprecedented in the rap business. A new report from Puck.News via Consequence detailing the case seems to also suggest that Michel’s indictment was actually one of the key reasons behind the cancelation of the trio’s 2021 reunion tour — which they’d originally attributed to logistical issues caused by COVID-19.

As reported in 2019, Pras was indicted on charges of conspiracy, making a false statement, and two counts of falsifying records after making contributions to Barack Obama’s 2012 re-election campaign on behalf of Malaysian businessman, Jho Low. Low — who is currently a fugitive from his own home government — is notorious for stealing $4.5 billion from Malaysia’s 1Malaysia Development Berhad sovereign wealth fund, using the money to fund a lavish lifestyle that included partying with celebrities like Michel, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Paris Hilton and financing Hollywood films such as The Wolf Of Street.

Authorities allege that Pras set up bank accounts to help Low move money into the States in order to influence officials overseeing the criminal investigation into Low’s misuse of 1MDB funds. According to Puck.News, the Justice Department told Pras not to leave the country, which effectively put the kibosh on the Fugees’ plans for a world tour. Pras’ trial is set for November 4 in Washington, DC, and his defense — led by David Kenner, who successfully defended Snoop Dogg from a murder charge in 1996 — will argue that the rapper has been unfairly singled out while others are being let off the hook.

He also maintains that his old entertainment lawyer, whom he’d consulted on the involved business dealings, was also working for the Department of Justice at the time. That old lawyer, George Higginbotham, is now a witness in the trial after being indicted himself, pleading guilty to a lesser charge, and agreeing to cooperate with prosecutors. Pras’ defense now argues that because Higginbotham did not advise Pras to register as a foreign agent, despite consulting on these dealings, the case should be dismissed.

If the government can prove that Pras really did work for Low to influence the 1MDB investigation, and the jury doesn’t eat his excuse that his DOJ-employed legal counsel should have advised him to register as a foreign agent, he could face up to 20 years in prison.

If you’re a fan of ogre phone cases and/or bagged lunches, you’re probably aware that Chris Farley was the original voice of Shrek. But sadly, the Tommy Boy actor died before being able to finish recording his dialogue, so the part was re-cast and given to another Saturday Night Live legend, Mike Myers. A reel featuring Farley’s voice as Shrek was leaked back in 2015, but as documented by Meghan Boilard in “Uncovering the Hidden History of Shrek,” a treasure trove of footage from the Oscar-winning, meme-inspiring animated film has recently unearthed by lost media enthusiasts.

In the mid-2010s, “a YouTuber known by the handle unclesporkums happened upon an expired eBay listing for a Farley-era storyboard,” Boilard writes. It showed a toothy Shrek encountering a human mugger in an alley and singing and dancing to “I Got You (I Feel Good)” by James Brown. There was another eBay listing with “early animation tests recorded on an unmarked VHS,” Boilard continued, but “by the time this listing was unearthed by lost media enthusiasts, it had already been sold, likely to a private collector unwilling to leak the animation online. The promising lead culminated in a dead end.”

But the mystery was slowly being peeled away, layer by layer, like an onion.

Lost Media Wiki user DingleManBoy discovered 31 previously unseen “I Feel Good” frames on the Vimeo demo reel of an animator associated with Shrek’s pre-production. The dry spell was over, and the new crumbs of information rekindled widespread interest in the obscure proto-Shrek. Midway through August, in the dead of night, two Redditors (using the handles Hotter_Cooler and AccomplishedWorld823) made a breakthrough after five years of rooting around. After an exhaustive search through every individual name credited under the movie’s Los Angeles pre-production phase, another animation reel was found on Vimeo. And against all odds, there it was – seven uninterrupted seconds of the “I Feel Good” footage in all its original glory.

You can watch it here, or with “I Feel Good” below.

In recent weeks, hundreds of sketches and videos have been “uncovered,” according to Boilard, including crude test animation of Shrek that’s paired with Farley’s voice. Shrek is naked in the clip — which you can watch here — but that’s the least remarkable thing about it. The internet is 75 percent naked Shreks. The other 25 percent? Naked minions.

You can read “Uncovering the Hidden History of Shrek” over on Off-Topic.

(Via Substack)

The first Knives Out movie was a blast. Chris Evans in the most comfortable sweaterS you’ve ever seen, Ana de Armas running around in a compact car trying to clear her name, Daniel Craig attempting a Southern accent so thick you could float a brick on it, the whole thing. Go watch it again tonight, or next week, or anytime you want really. It’s one of those movies that holds up to multiple rewatches, less because it reveals new secrets each time than because, I mean, again, it’s really just a blast.

The second one is shaping up to be a lot of fun, too. The action moves from the foggy Northeast to the Greek islands, with Daniel Craig lugging that accent of his — too heavy to be a carry-on, must be checked at the counter — across the Atlantic to dive into another mystery. The cast is loaded again, as one would expect: we’ve got Edward Norton as a billionaire named Miles Bron and Dave Bautista as a YouTube star named Duke Cody and Kate Hudson as a fashionista named Birdie Jay and Kathryn Hahn as a Connecticut governor named Claire Debella. This is great. It’s all great. I like that everyone appears to be having a good time with it. This is how movie franchises should work. You would have to be a maniac to suggest potential improvements to any of it.

But…

With that said…

I do have a thought.

What if the third movie in this franchise stars Daniel Craig and the Muppets?

It’s important to note that I am serious here. This isn’t me being a goofus online for the sake of starting an argument. I mean it. What if there is a murder at… oh, let’s say some luxurious ski chalet in Colorado or the French Alps and Daniel Craig shows up to get to the bottom of it and he gets there and the primary suspects and witnesses are the Muppets? Think about it for a while. Think about Kermit gulping when he realizes he’s been framed. Think about Miss Piggy doing her whole thing and maybe trying to seduce Benoit Blanc a little. Think, specifically, about Daniel Craig saying this exact line of dialogue to, like, Gonzo and Rizzo and Fozzie Bear.

It’s not unreasonable, honestly. It would work for a million reasons, some of them having to do with Daniel Craig kind of playing a cartoon character already with his theatrical sleuthing, some of them having to do with the Swedish chef in the kitchen of the ski chalet whipping up five-star meals, and some of them having to do with precedent for this kind of thing already existing. Way back in 1981, over 40 years ago, the Muppets starred in — this is a thrilling collection of words I’m about to type — a musical heist mystery comedy called The Great Muppet Caper, in which they themselves investigated the theft of a priceless jewel known as “the Baseball Diamond.”

It was, and still is, a perfect film. It’s on Disney Plus right now if you need evidence or a reminder. It was chaotic and silly and featured cameos from a slew of stars of the time and it starred Charles Grodin as a notorious playboy and jewel thief named Nicky Holiday. You have never in your entire life seen a person have as much fun as Charles Grodin had hamming it up with the Muppets. Look at this guy.

This is exactly what I am talking about. Let Daniel Craig do this. Let Daniel Craig ham it up with the Muppets, but in the opposite way as Grodin, with him as the investigator and the Muppets as the suspects. Everything else remains the same. The Agatha Christie vibes remain in place, the tone and style are unchanged, we keep the formula from the first movie. We just add in Muppets. And maybe a song or two. This all worked again in 1992 in A Muppet Christmas Carol, with Michael Caine as the human playing it reasonably straight against a series of opinionated fuzzy puppets. I’m starting to get angry that we haven’t already made this movie.

There can be other humans, too. There should be. One of the humans has to be the murderer because I do not especially want to live in a world where one of the Muppets killed a person in cold blood. And the victim should be a human, too, for similar reasons, unless we want to kill off, like… no. Never mind. I almost suggested a scenario where Statler and Waldorf get killed and we see a long compilation of them mocking people as a potential motive, but we need them around to chime in on the investigation. We definitely have to kill off a human. Let’s go with “an Olympic snowboarder and heir to a shipping fortune played by Danny McBride.” That could be fun. We could have lots of flashbacks to get him into the action, too. This is coming together nicely.

We can have a few other humans, too, if we want. Jason Momoa would be incredible in a Muppet movie. I would like to see Rihanna in a scene with Gonzo at some point, in this movie or any other one, in part because I feel like they would have fun energy and in part because the idea of Rihanna making sexual advances at an increasingly shy and uncomfortable blue monster is deeply funny to me. Danny Trejo could work, too, which I thought and believed with all of my heart before I did some research and stumbled across this wonderful little piece of business.

So let’s go ahead and call this one confirmed. I don’t know if any of those three is the murderer, though. Maybe the murderer is Walton Goggins. Walton Goggins would be an incredible ski chalet murderer in a Muppets / Knives Out crossover movie. He already has history with Danny McBride from working together on Vice Principals and The Righteous Gemstones. And Edi Patterson, who also stars in The Righteous Gemstones, was in the first Knives Out movie. The pieces are all locking into place. And this is before we even get Animal on a set of skis and send him careening down a mountain. We have barely scratched the surface and we are already hitting gold.

In summation, I think the Muppets should appear in the third — I will settle for the fourth, if necessary — Knives Out movie for three primary reasons:

• It would be fun
• I think Daniel Craig would enjoy acting with the Muppets
• I would like it a lot

Thank you. Please begin working on this as soon as possible.