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For Years, Billie Eilish Felt Like Her Body Was ‘Gaslighting’ Her, She Explained

Billie Eilish is the subject of a new Vogue cover story, and in it, she discussed how health issues have shaped her relationship with her body.

She explained, “Going through my teenage years of hating myself and all that stupid sh*t, a lot of it came from my anger toward my body, and how mad I was at how much pain it’s caused me, and how much I’ve lost because of things that happened to it.”

As far as the loss Eilish refers to, the most significant of it is a growth plate injury in her hip that made her 13-year-old ambitions to be a dancer less possible. She continued, “I got injured right after we made ‘Ocean Eyes,’ so, music kind of replaced dancing.”

Eilish eventually discovered she has a condition called hypermobility. Cleveland Clinic says of the condition, “Joint hypermobility syndrome is a connective tissue disorder. Thick bands of tissue (ligaments) hold your joints together and keep them from moving too much or too far out of range. In people with joint hypermobility syndrome, those ligaments are loose or weak. […] In most people, hypermobility doesn’t cause any pain or medical issues. However, for some people, hypermobility causes joint pain, joint and ligament injuries, tiredness (fatigue), bowel issues, and other symptoms.”

Eilish’s mother Maggie Baird also noted, “Stuff that you and I could do that would help us, like, certain kinds of massage or chiropractors, could actually hurt her.”

This had a negative impact on Eilish’s relationship with her body, as she explained, “I felt like my body was gaslighting me for years. I had to go through a process of being like, My body is actually me. And it’s not out to get me.”

Read the full feature here.