Last week, Donald Trump made his way to East Palestine, Ohio, the site of the horrific train derailment that caused a toxic airborne event. It was a calculated move: In a presser, he rambled about his discontinued line of spring water. He later went to McDonald’s. Seeing that SNL has a top shelf Trump impersonator in James Austin Johnson, there was no way they wouldn’t start their latest show by taking it on.
“It’s wonderful to be here in the town of East Palestine, not a great name,” Johnson’s Trump declared. “To come here and see these wonderful people who have been abandoned by Biden. He’s on spring break in Ukraine with his friend Zelensky in the T-shirt, very disrespectful.”
Thus began a rambling soliloquy, not to different from Trump’s own, with him talking about speaking to a farmer who said the event had poisoned his land, leaving him with nothing to eat but dirt.
“And I said, ‘Well, what are you doing eating the dirt? Don’t eat the dirt,’” he recalled. “‘Don’t eat the dirt. You should be eating the cold McDonald’s I brought you and the bottled water and Trump ice. I’ll be honest, I just put my sticker on some Dasani.”
He even praised the newly contaminated area. “I’ve heard all about your situation with the water, but I was looking at your river, and it’s so shiny,” he said. “I’ve never seen water so beautiful — beautiful rainbows and discolorations. It’s wearing makeup Fenty Beauty Water by Rihanna.”
And then he laid into Rihanna, as Trump inexplicably did.
You can watch the Colkd Open in the video above.