Warning: Spoilers for ‘Gen V’ episode six are below.
Gen V just revealed its endgame and boy, is the superhero community in trouble.
In episode six’s “Jumanji,” the group takes an unwelcome trip down Cate’s memory lane, navigating mind-wiping potholes and more than a few shocking revelations as they work to forgive her of her many trespasses and get the hell out of her head. Meanwhile, Sam and Emma reconnect in the strangest way possible while Dean Shetty enacts her ultimate evil plan — to give every supe a deadly case of chicken pox.
Here is where our f*cked up leaderboard sits after episode three.
6. Muppet Sex
Like man’s capacity for violence and the growing cost of ethically sourced avocados, Gen V’s appetite for weird, kinky sex scenes should not shock us at this point. We’ve witnessed cocksplosions, orgasmic marathons via human vibrators, and size differentials that defy the laws of nature – a woman turning into a Muppet mid-coitus is pretty on brand. It’s also a real mood killer, not for Sam or Emma who seem to enjoy their hook-up despite the doll transmutations, but certainly for us.
5. The Return Of Golden Boy
Luke Riordan’s blaze of glory going out party happened too soon in the season, so it was nice to get a glimpse of Golden Boy again – even if it’s just a figment of Cate’s collapsing psyche. His problems with Brink apparently ran deep, as did his knowledge of Andre’s sextracurricular activist with his girlfriend.
4. Cate’s Past
When it comes to misunderstood superheroes, there’s Wanda Maximoff, Cate Dunlap, and then everybody else. As her brain implodes, her friends are treated to a greatest hits montage of the most depressing, self-esteem-destroying moments in her young life. Her brother’s disappearance, her mother’s fear, abuse, and imprisonment, and Dean Shetty’s manipulation when she was at her lowest all play on a loop. It doesn’t absolve Cate of her role in what’s happened, but it does entitle her to go full Scarlet Witch in the Multiverse of Madness on Godolkin University and its crooked staff.
3. Jordan’s Betrayal
Jordan’s been reckoning with their duality all season long but when Cate’s memories hold a mirror to their own, the source of their inner conflict becomes clear. This is a gender-fluid supe raised to be extraordinary who constantly felt like they were disappointing the adults in their life because of their inability to exist in a binary construct. They’re a coward for helping Brink to sedate and irate Golden Boy, and they’re an opportunist for using the situation to advance their ranking at Godolkin, but when the nurturing is that emotionally abusive for that long, the nature just isn’t going to win out.
2. That Soldier Boy Cameo
The only thing better than witnessing a gruff-voiced Jensen Ackles return in a Soldier Boy costume is finding out just what the hell he’s doing in this episode of Gen V. As Cate’s imaginary boyfriend, he could be a guide to the group who are desperate to escape the crumbling ruins of her mind but, in true Soldier Boy fashion, he’s more concerned with making sure the f*cknuts appreciate his wide catalog of sex terms. “Diddle that skittle.” “Flick the bean.” “Find the man in the canoe.” However you want to put it, it was Soldier Boy who ushered in Cate’s sexual awakening and don’t you forget it. (Well, Soldier Boy, and the Jonas Brothers.)
1. Dean Shetty’s Endgame
Dean Shetty has been quietly puppeteering much of the chaos the students have been sorting through this season but “Jumanji” we finally understand the reason why: she wants to kill all supes. Her work in The Woods, her manipulation of Marie, maybe even her experiments on Sam and Golden Boy – they’re all in service of a greater purpose, to rid the world of super-powered individuals via a genetically modified plague that leaves them boiled, blistered, and very, very dead. If only we could look to pop culture history to see how epidemic-engineering scientists hoping to eradicate a particular species had fared.