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Donald Trump Tried To Make ‘Loser’ Jim Jordan Feel Better About Losing (Sort Of, Not Really) In The ‘SNL’ Cold Open

Wow, Jim Jordan had a crappy week, huh? The MAGA lawmaker learned the hard way that not everyone can be Donald Trump. In fact, no one but Donald Trump can be Donald Trump. The former president can be repeatedly indicted, and his polls soar, not plummet. Meanwhile, Jordan can’t even get elected Speaker of the House. His rank humiliation was inevitably the subject of SNL’s latest Cold Open.

Mikey Day took the reins of Jordan, who’s introduced brooding over being thrice rejected by his Republican colleagues in the House. “All I want to do is get Congress back to work so I can shut it down again,” he steams. After a visit from a baby-wielding George Santos (Bowen Yang) and a call from theater fanatic Lauren Boebert (Chloe Fineman), he receives a far more powerful visitor: James Austin Johnson’s top shelf Trump.

“Yoo hoo, is this the Loser’s Office?” Trump says upon entering. But he wasn’t there to comfort him. “I prefer the Jordans who win, okay? Like the great Michael Jordan. Or the even greater Jordin Sparks.”

Trump even dragged him over his bizarre sartorial choices, which is to say his aversion to suit jackets. “You don’t look good,” he told him. “You look like the night manager at a two-star steakhouse.”

Still, Jordan couldn’t understand why he was so epically rejected, even with Trump’s endorsement, and even after he aped his style. “Intimidation, threats. Why didn’t it work?” Jordan wondered.

But Trump knew why. “You’re not me. You’re no fun. I’m hilarious,” he told him. “You’re little Jim Jordan, I’m Donald Trump. I’m Coke, you’re Shasta.”

As of now, the House still has no Speaker, nearly three weeks after Kevin McCarthy’s historic ouster and despite the ongoing conflict between Israel and Hamas. But at least it won’t be a Trump crony — or so it seems.

You can watch the SNL Cold Open in the video above.