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Now There’s An Acoustic Version Of Coldplay And BTS’ Collab, ‘My Universe’

Last week, Coldplay and BTS released their much-anticipated collaborative track, “My Universe.” The track was produced by Swedish producer Max Martin and found both acts singing in English and Korean while showering a special someone in their lives with love and adoration. Over the weekend, the group released an acoustic version of their track.

Speaking to Apple Music’s Zane Lowe about collabing with the K-pop kings, Coldplay’s Chris Martin said back in May: “When we started, it was like, ‘You’re a white indie band and this is urban radio and this is alternative radio,’ and basically old-fashioned racist statements. Of course, we fit in a box at the beginning, and then right now in 2021, everyone’s doing everything. You can like Olivia Rodrigo as much as you like AC/DC and no one thinks that’s weird, and that’s musical utopia for me. […] It’s miraculous. So why would you want to stay in one box?”

He added: “I love them, and we love them, and it’s been such a joy. It’s something you could look at so cynically, and we have at times, but anytime there’s actual communication or music between us, it just feels so good. So, I unabashedly and unashamedly feel really grateful for the song, grateful for the person that inspired the song, and grateful for the people we sing it with.”

Listen to the acoustic version of “My Universe” above.

Coldplay is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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‘Ted Lasso’ Power Rankings: Everyone Is Just Going Through A Lot Right Now, Okay?

The Ted Lasso Power Rankings are a weekly analysis of who and/or what had the strongest performance in each episode. Most of the list will feature individual characters, although the committee does reserve the right to honor anything from animals to inanimate objects to laws of nature to general concepts. There are very few rules here.

Season 2, Episode 10 — “No Weddings And A Funeral”

HONORABLE MENTION: Higgins (a good man); Jane Payne (the joy in her face while getting FaceTimed into a funeral was somehow both sweet and haunting); comfortable shoes (impossible to overrate); Isaac (I like how much Isaac enjoys being captain and I like that the young guys on the team treat his declarations like the Gospel); the frustrated vicar (please stop swearing in the church); Rebecca’s mom (we like her); Dr. Sharon (slowly moving up the list of characters I would watch a spinoff about, like she hops from team-to-team and sport-to-sport each season, starting with my beloved but troubled Philadelphia 76ers); Nate (the whispering with Rupert is going to be a problem); Sassy and Nora (fun to picture these two on a family vacation to Ibiza); Rupert’s stupid baby (imagine what an awful teenager this kid will be)

10. My sweet prince Dani Rojas (Last week: Unranked)

APPLE

If we as a people are ever invaded by aliens that understand our Earth languages and can grasp the general concept of feet, we are going to have a really hard time justifying why we sometimes wear uncomfortable shoes on purpose even though we all have sneakers sitting in our closets. It’s madness, really. We should all be wearing sweats and slippers every day. Stop and think about it for five or one thousand minutes sometime in the near future.

Maybe I’m just lashing out because it hurt me physically to see Dani in pain like this while wearing dress shoes. But maybe there’s a point in there, too. Too soon to tell.

9. Rick Astley (Last week: Unranked)

What a fascinating life Rick Astley has lived. Born with a magical singing voice that does not fit his body, had a worldwide smash number-one single, kind of fizzled out, was absent from public life for a couple of decades, became maybe even more famous because rascals on the internet discovered his song and used it to goof on each other, leaned into that a bit, and created a nice little second act for himself. He seems to have a good sense of humor about it, too. Pretty wild.

Or, to sum things up using only titles of sections of his Wikipedia page…

  • 1987–1989: Success
  • 1994–2000: Retirement
  • 2000–present: Return to singing and renewed success

Success, retirement, renewed success. That’s a full life right there, buddy. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes with a surprisingly soulful voice.

8. Jamie (Last week: Unranked)

APPLE
APPLE

Jamie’s big “I’ve changed, I’m not so selfish now, I think about other people and their feelings in the moment and I try to take that into account before I act” moment was slightly undercut by the thing where he saw his ex and her new boyfriend bickering a bit and swooped in to declare his never-ending love to her at the funeral of her best friend’s father.

Timing, Jamie. Come on.

7. Roy (Last week: Unranked)

APPLE
APPLE

As someone who is also uncomfortable with death and real emotion, in general, and uses cheap and/or bad jokes as a forcefield to avoid bad vibes, I understood Roy very deeply this week. He’s a good man. You just have to give him a minute.

It’s going to be so awkward when he finds out about the Jamie thing, especially after that hug the other week. I do not expect or even want them to fight but now I can’t stop picturing what that would look like. We’ve already seen Jamie throw a punch. We know he has that in him. I feel like Roy had a youth filled with scrapping but hasn’t tossed a fist in well over a decade. Is it weird that I think Jamie might win? Like that his bottled-up rage is somehow more dangerous than Roy’s ever-present anger because Roy vents his out so often that the little needle on his gauge never swings fully over into the deep red? I don’t know. I don’t know. I need to stop typing this paragraph before it consumes me.

6. Sam (Last week: Unranked)

APPLE

Think about this one for a second: He got dumped by his brand new girlfriend in a closet right after her father’s funeral. That’s some tough business right there. Part of me wants to take issue with some of this, with how some characters on this show get big arcs about feelings and growth and the kinds of things that add layered depth, but Sam gets yoinked around a bit and just keeps smiling. It’s strange. Sam can be sad, too.

Another part of me likes that he’s wonderful. There’s a lot to process here. This is a situation we will continue to monitor.

5. Ted (Last week: Unranked)

APPLE

This show is quickly becoming a very huggy affair. Everyone is hugging and crying a lot. This is not a complaint as much as it is an observation. I kind of want to see a full-on chart with crisscrossing red arrows that diagrams which characters have hugged each other so far and who might hug each other next. It would look like one of those conspiracy yarn walls you see in a character’s apartment to let the audience know that they are onto something and/or losing their mind. I will build it if I have to.

Anyway, yes, this was a lot. And it started to really pull back some layers on Ted, to show why he is the way he is and that his whole personality is more than relentless positivity and a mustache. That’s good. And it makes sense. There was always something dark in there. There had to be. It’s good he’s confronting it and it’s good he has someone who can help him through it, even if she does charge for house calls.

4. Breaking into song in unison kind of out of nowhere (Last week: Unranked)

APPLE

Weirdly powerful. You know this from seeing it on television shows and movies, with examples including this episode of this show and also the “Tiny Dancer” scene from Almost Famous, but it’s even heavier when it happens in real life. I was once in a small crowd that started belting out the lyrics — chorus only because no one knew the verses, which was hilarious — to “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias and now that song owns a nice little two-bedroom condo in my brain. Probably will forever.

The point here, I suppose, is that brains are weird. And music is good. You are welcome for these profound observations.

3. Keeley (Last week: Unranked)

APPLE

I know I kind of made this point already but, really, what a weird day for Keeley. She went to a funeral for her best friend’s father, uncovered a secret romance, and had two world-famous athletes profess their love to her separately in a span of about 45 seconds at the aforementioned funeral. That is a lot to unpack. I usually like to pull a screencap for each character that includes a funny/notable line of dialogue but, in this case, I think the face alone says it all.

Part of me hopes members of the team just keep telling her they’re in love with her. All of them. Just have them form a line and give them all flowers and turn this into The Bachelorette. Everyone is already in suits and on a scenic estate. We’re well on our way.

2. Rebecca (Last week: Unranked)

APPLE

Real big old whirlwind of an episode for Rebecca, a character who started this show as a taller British version of the evil owner from Major League and has since become one of its most sympathetic characters. That’s some kind of trick, really, especially when you factor in the thing where she’s a billionaire who literally just started and broke off a fling with a much younger employee. Put these facts down on cold and unforgiving paper and she comes off as a villain.

And yet! There we all were this week having emotions as she dealt with the death of her father, and her crappy ex crashing the funeral, and the realization that she needs to grow on her own a bit before she can let someone else into her life in any meaningful way. There’s a reason this show and Hannah Waddingham just collected a whole bunch of trophies last week. Everyone here is pretty good at their jobs.

1. Coach Beard (Last week: 9, 7, 5, 3, 1)

APPLE

This is an incredible way to greet anyone at any time anywhere but it’s even better when you realize that this is how greeted his boss at her father’s funeral.

Just a champion doing championship-caliber things.

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Henry Cavill Roasted ‘Game of Thrones’ Actor Kristofer Hivju Over His ‘The Witcher’ Season 2 Look

Thanks to Netflix’s TUDUM event, The Witcher fans were given a grab bag of goodies over the weekend to prepare for the upcoming Season 2 premiere. One of those treats involves a first look at Kristofer Hivju’s character, Nivellen, who’s essentially a dark and twisted take on the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. With Hivju’s character out in the open, Henry Cavill decided to properly welcome the Game of Thrones star to the cast with a solid burn on Instagram:

The amazing, the wonderful, the electric and the enigmatic Kristofer Hivju. Kristofer was extraordinarily brave for season 2 of the Witcher and decided to play his character of Nivellen with zero make up or visual effects, as you can see above. Kristofer, we are all so proud. #Brave

You can see Cavill’s post along with a closer look at Hivju’s character below:

Hivju’s character appearing in The Witcher Season 2 is an interesting addition for the monster-hunting series. The show has adhered closely to the books with the first season adapting the short story collection The Last Wish, but the series hasn’t been afraid to play fast and loose with the chronological order. While Season 2 is definitely moving The Witcher saga forward, Hivju’s character is a sign that the series will still take time to dip into Geralt of Rivia’s past as well as the books’ penchants for riffing on fairy tales, but with a darker twist. In other words, don’t expect Hivju’s beast-like Nivellen to be a Disney prince.

(Via Henry Cavill on Instagram)

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Miami Heat 2021-22 Season Preview: A Return To Contention In The East

No team took greater advantage of the Orlando Bubble in 2020 than the Heat, and perhaps as a result, no team suffered a greater hangover in 2021 than Miami. Coming off a first-round sweep at the hands of the champion Bucks, the Heat reimagined their roster once again and head into the upcoming season with their sights on another Finals berth.

Roster:

Bam Adebayo
Jimmy Butler
Dewayne Dedmon
Marcus Garrett (two-way)
Udonis Haslem
Tyler Herro
Kyle Lowry
Caleb Martin
Markieff Morris
KZ Okpala
Victor Oladipo
Duncan Robinson
Max Strus
P.J. Tucker
Gabe Vinent
Omer Yursteven

Projected Vegas Win Total: 48.5 at DraftKings

Biggest Addition: Kyle Lowry

This is a no-brainer. After flirting with a trade for Lowry before last year’s trade deadline, the Heat instead nabbed Oladipo and now come away with Lowry anyway. Though they had to give away fan favorite point guard Goran Dragic and promising young big Precious Achiuwa, Miami likely believes Lowry will be the difference between a mid-seed playoff team and a bona fide contender in the East.

DARKO projects Lowry to continue a late-career downturn at age 35, while FiveThirtyEight’s RAPTOR metrics predict more of a bounce-back campaign for Lowry in Miami. Perhaps most importantly, Lowry enters a defensive infrastructure and more veteran-laden squad than he had in Toronto, where the hope is Lowry can do less and help more.

Biggest Loss: Kendrick Nunn

One could easily make the case for Dragic or Achiuwa here as well, though getting Lowry in return (and keeping Dedmon) lessens that blow. Instead, the value Nunn provided on the court will be harder to replace. He was third among regular Heat players in Box Plus-Minus and posted a near-60.0 true shooting percentage along with a 21 percent usage rate, combining efficiency with responsibility.

At 26, Nunn was also one of the better candidates on Miami’s roster to keep improving, but now that growth will happen next to LeBron James and Co. in Los Angeles. In Nunn’s place, the Heat will look to the unproven Gabe Vincent and Max Strus (as well as perhaps more Oladipo or Herro at point guard) to back up Lowry.

Biggest Question: Can Miami score enough?

A few big things stand out that help explain why the Heat’s offense fell from eighth in the NBA in 2020 and a unit that could compete with LeBron and Anthony Davis all the way to 19th.

First, Butler missed 20 games and wasn’t himself until the last couple months of the year, while Dragic was injured and inconsistent. Second, their transition offense fell from eighth to 19th and scored more than a point fewer per 100 opportunities. Lastly, and maybe most importantly, they went from one of the best deep shooting squads in the league to the bottom half of the league. Lowry should help with shooting, but a return to form for Herro and Robinson would be the bigger missing ingredient.

What Makes This Season A Success: Cracking the top tier in the East alongside Brooklyn, Milwaukee and (maybe) Philadelphia.

The Heat will not be many folks’ pick in a conference that features the reigning champs as well as the betting favorite. But Miami solidifying homecourt advantage during the regular season and then using their cohesion and veteran starpower to make a run at a Finals appearance come playoff time would be a welcome sight for a core that was two games from a title less than a year ago.

What Makes This Season A Failure: Another first-round exit

No team with Butler, Adebayo and Lowry should be suffer a first-round exit in the postseason. Staying healthy will be a key ingredient here as well, which puts even more stress on the depth pieces to step up.

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Kid Cudi Reacts To His Prophetic Old Myspace Bio: ‘Everything I Said In This Bio, I Did’

Kid Cudi started his career at the same time that Myspace launched in 2003, so unsurprisingly, he took to the platform, which was then a popular destinations for musicians to promote themselves online. Over the weekend, Cudi revisited his old profile and shared his thoughts on it now.

Yesterday, a Twitter user shared Cudi’s old profile photo on the site, as well as his bio, which read:

“Its dat Cleveland boy reppin Shaker H.T.S all day baby, K.i.D CuDi a.k.a. Tubbz a.k.a Scotty McFly. Yea I go by many names but call me which ever one u want. I reside in new york right now workin on music. Dats right yall ima mc, but not ur normal kind. Id like 2 think I’m from another planet and my mind is really gears, hardware, and a sim card. Lol. I’m 22 years old and I’m on here 2 network with music. Currently I’m getting ready 2 start shoppin my records at labels this month and I’m also workin on outside projects with other underground artist. I’m really on here 4 bizness ladies but if u wanna holla, I won’t ignore u. I do love da ladies oh so much. Especially models. So much so I did a song called ‘ I love models’ produced by myself and 0-Dot from Full Circle Ent. dat I will be posting so can hear it. Real talk. If ur a producer and u got heat, get at me. I’m always lookin 4 talent 2 put on my elite team of producers. Right now I have a strong clique of producers but if u got dat different new age sound dat can take da rap game 2 da next level, we can make it happen. Anyway dais about it yall. I’m Cudi. Wut it be!!! LEAN!!! Sip & Lean Teamer ‘The Talent’ MidWest Action ‘droppin dem muthaf*ckin beez on em’

Who I’d like to meet:
..Anybody interested in music period. Mostly singers witta r n b soulful alternative kinda feel. Lol or if ur good, I mean extremely dope I’d f*ck wit it 2. I’m all about creativety, makin new hot sh*t, and Lakin hip hop or music n general 2 a whole nother level. I don’t wanna get in da game 2 blend in, I’m tryna change da face of it. I wanna make my mark. I aim 4 grammy statis. Don’t u?”

Cudi saw the tweet and was blown away by his ambition about about how well he has achieved the goals he laid out for himself, writing in response, “This is so wild. I had that fire burnin in me. Everything I said in this bio, I did. F*ckin unreal. Destiny.”

That said, some of Cudi’s latest achievements are ones he probably did not see coming, like acting in a movie with Leonardi DiCaprio and Meryl Streep, having (and eventually squashing) beef with Eminem, and hiring a professional blunt roller.

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John Oliver Isn’t Impressed With How ‘Jeopardy!’ Is Mopping Up Its Hosting Fiasco

John Oliver couldn’t have been happier to be back in front of a live studio audience as Last Week Tonight returned from a brief hiatus. He also couldn’t resist a chance to swing at Jeopardy!‘s ongoing hosting conundrum, after previously kicking Mike Richards on his way out the door. The game show, however, appears to be in a difficult spot while selecting a new permanent host. Producers would obviously love to avoid selecting anyone with a lick of controversy in their past, and perhaps Mayim Bialik’s resurfaced vaccine remarks might prevent her from receiving the full-on hosting gig, for which she’s expressed her intent to score.

It’s all a freaking mess. Even Ken Jennings (who will serve as one of two temporary hosts, the other being Bialik, for the rest of the year) had those controversial tweets to reportedly muck up the selection process. TMZ previously reported that producers wanted Bialik to be the permanent host before the Richards disaster, but who knows how this will all shake out in the future.

Last Week Tonight is here to pass some judgment while using the show as a comparison to the U.S.-Mexico border situation. Oliver slammed the Biden administration’s approach to Haitian migrants with “no clear rationale. And yep, Oliver is aware of Bialik’s air of controversy, as this went down early on in the broadcast:

“It’s not great when our process for deciding who gets released and who gets expelled is as haphazard for finding a new host for Jeopardy!. And by the way, great job so far, guys. You dodged giving that guy the job permanently, and right now, we’ve got somebody absolutely free of controversy, Mayim Bialik, a person I think is great because I don’t have Google.”

To get real, yep, it’s also not great when the border situation has no unified perspective from the Biden administration. The president has condemned the treatment of Haitians at the border, even as Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas has defended the deportation of Haitians due to Covid. That’s the case even though no one is really doing anything about the U.S. citizens who won’t take the pandemic seriously and, as a result, clogging up hospitals because of “freedom.” Comparing the situation to Jeopardy! might ultimately seem out context, but both situations veered into fiasco territory due to the people in charge completely neglecting to prepare. The digging-out phase of these disasters will now happen in full public view, and Last Week Tonight will be watching.

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Kanye West Was Apparently In The Studio With Post Malone And Fleet Foxes’ Robin Pecknold

Kanye West is about a month removed from releasing Donda, but he’s not taking a break after his new album. Over the weekend, he was back in the studio, accompanied by a couple of big-time guests: Post Malone and Fleet Foxes’ Robin Pecknold.

A video of West and Malone in the studio surfaced, in which Malone is thoroughly enjoying Fleet Foxes’ “The Shrine / An Argument” as it plays over speakers. Furthermore, as Stereogum notes, Pecknold also shared a photo of himself and Malone, indicating that they were also together that night.

West and Pecknold have yet to appear on a song together, but Pecknold and Malone (a noted major Fleet Foxes fan) have struck up a friendship in recent years. In a 2020 interview, Pecknold noted that Malone nearly appeared on Fleet Foxes’ album Shore and said of Malone, “He’ll text me every once in a while and it’s always a really fun thing to receive. To have that pop up in my iMessages, it always feels like a glitch in the Matrix or something. […] He’s a super sweet guy, he’s a real gentleman, and he’s probably the best melody writer in the business right now, I think. And by some glitch in the Matrix, we have a casual friendship.”

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The First Image From HBO’s ‘The Last Of Us’ Series With Pedro Pascal Looks Exactly Like The Video Game

On The Last of Us Day, HBO shared the first look of the TV adaptation of the acclaimed video game. It shows Joel and Ellie, played by Pedro Pascal and Bella Ramsey, standing in a field looking at a grounded airplane. I’ll admit, the first time I saw the image, I thought it was from the Naughty Dog game — the costumes are perfect.

“When I first saw them on set in full costume, I was like: ‘Hooooooly shit! It’s Joel & Ellie! 😭!’ The @HBO adaptation of @Naughty_Dog’s The Last of Us is full steam ahead!” Naughty Dog co-president and The Last of Us director and writer Neil Druckmann tweeted. “Can’t wait to show you more (from all of our projects!).” The Last of Us does not currently have a premiere date, but every episode will have a Game of Thrones-sized budget, so HBO is clearly hoping for a, well, Game of Thrones-sized hit (casting Oberyn “The Red Viper” Martell and Lyanna Mormont should have been the first clue).

When asked about the differences between the show and the game, Druckmann replied, “In the game, [you have to] train the player about mechanics. You have to have more violence and more spectacle to some degree than you would need on a TV show because you don’t need to train people on how to use a gun. So that’s something that’s been really different, and HBO’s been great in pushing us to move away from hardcore action and focus more on the drama of the character. Some of my favorite episodes so far have deviated greatly from the story, and I can’t wait for people to see them.”

As someone who considers The Last of Us his favorite game ever, I can’t wait to see it.

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Fast Food Grilled Chicken Sandwiches, Power Ranked

We’ve all had that moment in the fast food line where we wonder: “What if I mix it up? What if, instead of ordering the same delicious fried thing that I always get, I go the healthy route and give that grilled chicken sandwich a try?” I’m sure you’ve thought that before, right? But I’m also pretty confident that you backed out and went with the tried and true because you didn’t want to take a chance and spend money on something that might end up tasting dry and flavorless when you could just order something greasy, fried, and guaranteed to be delicious.

We get it, it’s a risk. So let us do the leg work for you.

No really, we don’t mind. We’ve spent the past few months ranking fried chicken tenders, French fries, fried chicken nuggets, fried fish — just a metric f*ck ton of fried sh*t. So we could really use the palate cleanser with something grilled. Sadly, we discovered that the grilled chicken sandwich is a bit of an endangered species on a growing number of fast food menus. McDonald’s, Burger King, and Shake Shack have all ditched their grilled chicken sandwiches, despite being beloved by fast foodies looking for a healthier option. But there are a few grilled chickens still out there in the fast food universe, and we’re on a mission to try them all.

Let’s dive in and separate the good stuff from the bone-dry trash!

11. Dairy Queen — Grilled Chicken Sandwich

Dairy Queen

Calories: 390

The Sandwich:

I have a hard time understanding why Dairy Queen sells anything that isn’t soft-serve ice cream or a milkshake. There isn’t a single item from DQ’s food menu that I’ve ever enjoyed. Bad cheeseburgers, lackluster fries, and now this grilled chicken sandwich, which is probably the worst food I’ve ever eaten at Dairy Queen.

On this sandwich we have a remarkably dry piece of under-seasoned grilled chicken, a leaf of green lettuce (and I’m using ‘green’ generously here), a soggy tomato, and mayo on a dry, slightly-toasted bun. There isn’t a single part of this sandwich that works — the chicken is bad, the tomato is of the lowest quality, and the lettuce is wilted and tastes unwashed.

The Bottom Line:

The worst grilled chicken sandwich currently being sold. Avoid at all costs.

Find your nearest Dairy Queen here.

10. Subway — Grilled Chicken Sandwich

Subway

Calories: 570

The Sandwich:

Because of the customizable nature of Subway, we considered leaving this one off the list entirely. But it is one of the few grilled chicken sandwiches out there, and Subway is definitely fast food, so there is no reason not to include it. As such, this is going to be more of a review of Subway’s grilled chicken meat than the sandwich it belongs to.

Subway makes this sandwich stock with multigrain bread, veggies of your choice, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and baby spinach. All of those single ingredients are better than the chicken. Grilled chicken is one of Subway’s worst meat options — it’s dry, has a weird texture that breaks off into flakes while you chew through it, and is rubbery, whether you get your sandwich toasted or eat it cold.

It’s not pleasant to chew through. In fact, it’s so bad that you’ll have a better sandwich by actually removing the meat.

The Bottom Line:

Subway’s worst meat option, don’t take a chance on this rubbery weird chicken.

Find your nearest Subway here.

9. Sonic Drive-In — Classic Grilled Chicken Sandwich

Sonic Drive In

Calories: 490

The Sandwich:

Sonic’s Classic Grilled Chicken Sandwich looks almost identical to Dairy Queen’s chicken sandwich. It uses the same combination of lettuce, mayo, and tomato, but the grilled chicken patty is way juicier here and more substantial and the inclusion of a Brioche bun over your typical white bun adds a nice sense of butteriness to this sandwich that keeps it from feeling too dry.

I’m not loving the simple mayo sauce at the top but Sonic at least has a lot more to offer by way of customization — jalapeño slices, pickles, and even bacon are a must to take this to the next level, and you can add them free of charge. Why they aren’t a stock part of the sandwich is puzzling to me.

The Bottom Line:

Not even close to the best sandwich offered at Sonic, but if you’re looking for a low-calorie meal that doesn’t taste terrible, this is your only choice on Sonic’s entire menu. If you’re looking specifically for a grilled chicken sandwich, definitely look elsewhere.

Find your nearest Sonic here.

8. Arby’s — Roast Chicken Bacon Swiss Sandwich

Arby

Calories: 480

The Sandwich:

This sandwich comes painfully close to being delicious, but unfortunately, its weakest link is the chicken. That makes it not a great grilled chicken sandwich. Let’s talk about the good stuff — Arby’s bacon is both smokey and crispy. The use of Swiss cheese is inspired. In place of mayo Arby’s goes with honey mustard, which adds a nice dash of complexity to this sandwich.

The toasted bun isn’t great, but it isn’t so dense that it’s a chore to eat (like DQs). Alas, this sandwich has the same sad tomatoes and shredded lettuce here as the other sandwiches, and then we come to the Roast Chicken.

Roast chicken is supposed to be tender and juicy, but this chicken is dry and chewy. It also comes in slices, which is a bad move for a sandwich, as you’ll constantly be messing with this thing trying to keep it together. All that effort and for chicken this lackluster? It’s not worth your time.

The Bottom Line:

Arby’s almost has a good grilled chicken sandwich on their hands, they just need to find a way to improve the chicken.

Find your nearest Arby’s here.

7. Jack in the Box — Sourdough Grilled Chicken Club

Jack in the Box

Calories: 580

The Sandwich:

I’ve got bad news for you friends. I’m not sure what the cheese on this sandwich is, but it’s not Swiss cheese. Even Jack in the Box won’t call it Swiss (which means they’re not legally allowed to), instead referring to it as “Swiss-style.” Whatever that means.

To my palate, it tastes just like American cheese, and that’s a shame because this sandwich has a few great qualities and with the inclusion of real Swiss it might’ve ranked higher. I don’t love the mayo, but Jack in the Box is one of the few fast food chains that can nail sourdough bread pretty well, giving this sandwich an interesting sour aftertaste that complements the grilled chicken and offers something way less filling than your typical bun.

The chicken itself isn’t great, but it’s far from the worst grilled filet in this ranking. Unfortunately, it’s a little hit or miss, so your sandwich might come out worse than the last time you had it.

The Bottom Line:

Jack in the Box is halfway to having a really good grilled chicken sandwich, they just need a better sauce than mayo and real Swiss. We suggest getting this thing without sauce and adding your own using Jack’s BBQ, Ranch, Honey Mustard, or Frank’s Red Hot.

Find your nearest Jack in the Box here.

6. Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s — Charbroiled Chicken Club Sandwich

Carl

Calories: 600

The Sandwich:

If you’re looking for a place that knows how to do grilled chicken, it’s Carl’s Jr. The chicken is juicy, while still sporting a charred grilled outer, and I’ve yet to have a grilled chicken sandwich from Carl’s Jr. that suffers from that rubbery re-heated chicken quality that plagues too many of the sandwiches on this ranking, leading me to believe this is one of the more consistent and reliable choices out there.

The charbroiled breast is topped with two strips of bacon, melted Swiss (again, not real Swiss, as far as I can tell) lettuce, tomato, and mayo on top of a nutty semi-sweet honey wheat bun. All the flavors here are very complimentary and my only major complaint is the use of unimaginative mayo and the low-quality lettuce.

The Bottom Line:

A solid choice. It’s a few key ingredients away from being considered great, but I could easily substitute Carl’s Jr’s fried chicken sandwich for this baby without regretting it in the slightest.

Find your nearest Carl’s Jr/Hardee’s here.

5. Arby’s — Roast Buffalo Chicken Sandwich

Arby

Calories: 360

The Sandwich:

Earlier I said the only thing holding Arby’s sandwich back was its low-quality under-seasoned roast chicken. That’s remedied here by dousing that same grilled chicken in spicy buffalo sauce which supplies a nice kick of heat and keeps things interesting on the palate. Instead of Swiss cheese, this sandwich adds a cheesy parmesan peppercorn ranch which helps to further mask the dry chicken while still giving you a sharp cheesy bite.

This is a considerable improvement over Arby’s regular roast chicken sandwich and the Buffalo sauce isn’t over-used to the point that it defeats the purpose of grabbing grilled over fried. But it also doesn’t exactly taste light and healthy like the non-Buffalo sauced version either. That said, at just 360 calories, this is still one of the healthier and more flavorful options on Arby’s meat-filled menu.

The Bottom Line:

Arby’s roast chicken suffers from being dry and under-seasoned, the Roast Buffalo Chicken sandwich remedies that. If you’re not a fan of Buffalo sauce this sauce isn’t going to make you a convert– so if spice isn’t your thing, skip this one.

Find your nearest Arby’s here.

4. Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s — Santa Fe Chicken

Carl

Calories: 550

The Sandwich:

There are few sandwiches that are better by dropping bacon, but Carl’s Jr’s Santa Fe Chicken club is in every way an improvement over the Charbroiled Chicken Club thanks to the inclusion of a very flavorful bed of green chili underneath the chicken in place of bacon. This sandwich uses the same sweet honey wheat bun but ditches the mayo for what Carl’s calls “Santa Fe Sauce,” which tastes to me like mayo with paprika, cayenne pepper and curry powder added to it.

The sauce is a major improvement over the mayo, it adds spice and depth, while still supplying the tang that helps to elevate a chicken sandwich when pickles aren’t included. But the real star of the show is the mild green chili, sure it doesn’t supply any heat, but it adds a smokey interest and a mild earthy bite on the backend that makes every bite an absolute joy.

The Bottom Line

Carl’s Jr nails the grilled chicken sandwich by adding something that every other sandwich on this list is missing — mild green chili. It’s an easy way to make a grilled chicken sandwich pop with flavor.

Find your nearest Carl’s Jr. here.

3. Wendy’s — Grilled Asiago Ranch Club Sandwich

Wendy

Calories: 490

The Sandwich

Any of Wendy’s chicken sandwiches can be ordered with a grilled chicken breast in place of the homestyle or spicy breading, but why would you choose anything other than the Grilled Asiago Ranch Chicken Club? It has everything you’d want in a good chicken sandwich: interesting cheese, this one uses, as the name implies, Asiago, which is nutty like Swiss but much sweeter, and pairs nicely with the garlic and onion powder seasoned breast filet. Crispy and smokey bacon (Wendy’s has some of the best) adds a nice crunch to each bite. A tomato that is actually juicy and tomato-flavored rather than watery like the other sandwiches on this ranking and the whole thing is topped with a flavorful ranch sauce.

The ranch sauce feels a bit like overkill, but Wendy’s doesn’t have a lot of other sauce options and we’ll take it over simple boring mayo any day. The flavors all come together really harmoniously here, nothing feels out of place or like it needs to be altered in order to make it more palatable. The only thing chicken sandwich better than the Grilled Asiago Ranch Club at Wendy’s is the spicy fried version of the same sandwich.

The Bottom Line

If you love the fried version of this sandwich, the grilled version still delivers that same great flavor while shaving off nearly 200 calories.

Find your nearest Wendy’s here.

2. Chick-fil-A — Grilled Chicken Club

Chick-fil-A

Calories: 520

The Sandwich

We’ve got to hand it to Chick-fil-A, they just know how to prepare a chicken. This boneless chicken filet is a leap up from our number three choice, the chicken is way juicier and more tender, with a slight lemon tinge to it that tastes remarkably refreshing, and has a charred flavor that actually tastes like it was grilled in the same restaurant you’re eating it in. That shouldn’t be a selling point, but it sadly is!

The filet is surprisingly thick, which helps make this sandwich very filling despite its small size. The chicken sits atop three slices of tomatoes, green leaf lettuce, and is topped with applewood smoked bacon and Colby Jack cheese on a multigrain brioche bun

The cheese options are our favorite, if you’re not down with the sharp and nutty mix that is Colby, you can sub it out for spicy Pepper Jack cheese or American if you’re weird. Chick-fil-A suggests you top this sandwich with their Honey Roasted BBQ sauce and we agree, it’s a great combination with the lemon-marinated flavor of the chicken, but don’t shy away from giving the Polynesian sauce a try either.

The Bottom Line

In a whole another league than everything proceeding it in this list. By actually marinating their chicken before grilling it and giving you a nice selection of cheeses and sauce to top it with, Chick-fil-A’s grilled chicken club is truly a people pleaser that won’t make you miss its fried counterpart. Unlike those grilled nuggets.

Find your nearest Chick-fil-A here.

1.. The Habit — Chicken Club

Calories: 730

The Sandwich

This is a pretty substantial chicken sandwich, you could easily split it in half and save the rest for later, or share it with another person, it’s that filling. The Habit Chicken Club features a hand-filleted and marinated chicken breast, and that attention to preparation really pays off, this chicken is juicy, tender, and perfectly seasoned, sitting atop the best green leaf lettuce of any of the chains on this list, juicy thick-cut tomato slices and served on grilled sourdough bread.

You could opt for a grilled ciabatta, which raises the calories by about 100, but I think the Sourdough works perfectly here, it’s buttered on both sides of the bread and slightly sour, adding an interesting extra flavor into the whole sandwich and a bit of toasty crunch. This sandwich comes stock with mayo, but the Habit will give you the option of ordering it with BBQ or Teriyaki sauce in addition to the mayo. I always go for the Teriyaki sauce (and skip the mayo), it adds a hint of ginger and sweetness to the sandwich that pairs so well with the grilled chicken that it’s a wonder other chains haven’t started including it in their sandwiches.

Rounding out the sandwich are a few strips of bacon and something that no other sandwich on this list offers but would instantly make each one worth eating: avocado. Avocado on a grilled chicken sandwich is so damn good, not only does it add more flavor to the experience, it pairs so well with the smokey flavors of bacon and the sweet qualities of the teriyaki sauce, compounding into an experience that is greater than the some of its individual parts.

The Bottom Line

Teriyaki sauce and avocado? This might not be the leanest sandwich on this list, but it’s the healthiest and best tasting by a wide margin.

Find your nearest The Habit here.

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Grocery Store Pizza Sauces, Blind Tested And Ranked

Your dough game is on point. You can slap and spin your pie in the air in ways that would make a seasoned New York Pizzeria owner green with envy. You’ve got special pans and pizza stones that help get your oven extra hot. Maybe you even own a sweet pizza peel or have a dope backyard wood-fired oven set-up (you big nerd).

So why can’t you make a pizza that rivals your favorite by the slice mom and pop corner joint? Maybe your sauce is off. Are you using marinara with its medley of stewed veggies? That’s not the right vibe. Pizza is street food — a good sauce is simpler than that.

A good pizza sauce isn’t always cooked (it cooks in the oven, with your pie). Rather than being stewed way down, it delivers bright, zesty flavors that cut through the umami-dense, salty flavors of cheese and cured meats. Depending on the style of pizza, it may even have a hint of sweetness.

So who makes the best pizza sauce on grocery store shelves? To find out, we blind taste tested 10 of the most readily available brands.

The Process

For this blind taste test, I used a Boboli pre-made pizza crust, cut it up into 10 individual slices, and had my girlfriend top each with a dollop of sauce and a sprinkling of mozzarella (for the full pizza experience) away from my eyesight. Then she tossed them in the oven (five at a time), and I taste-tested each combo of crust, sauce, and cheese. Just to see if your money would be better spent buying a can of whole peeled tomatoes and making the sauce yourself, I also made my own simple sauce to see how it would patch up.

For the sake of ease and to ensure you could make the sauce yourself at home with no culinary knowledge whatsoever, I kept the ingredients simple: canned tomatoes, salt, pepper, a glug of olive oil, and a sprinkling of oregano and basil.

Let’s get to tasting!

Taste 1

Dane Rivera

This sauce presented itself with a deep crimson color and a very smooth consistency. Definitely a pureed sauce. But while I was expecting something that tasted heavy and robust, this sauce hit me with a surprisingly bright and zesty flavor.

Unfortunately, that initial burst settled into something very neutral. You can tell that this sauce is relying heavily on cornstarch as a thickener. Coupled with an over-riped tomato smell, this one ends up a little unappetizing overall.

Not a great start.

Taste 2

Dane Rivera

Jesus this sh*t is funky! And not in a good way, this sauce is awful, it’s incredibly sharp and overwhelming, has a weird cheesy flavor, and smells like bad feet. It reminds me of Chuck E Cheese. That’s a shame because visually, this one is beautiful. It has a bright red color with nice chunks of tomato, but you could not pay me to ever eat this sauce again.

Taste 3

Dane Rivera

This one… doesn’t look right. It’s almost brown and sort of looks like BBQ sauce. So far, this tasting has been nothing but bad experiences — so I can’t say I was thrilled to try this one. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that this tastes like actual pizza sauce! It has a thick and pasty consistency to it and tastes exactly like the sort of over-sugared sauce you’d find at a pizza chain like Pizza Hut, Little Caesar’s, or Dominos.

It’s not going to be my favorite, but if you love a sweeter pizza sauce, you can’t go wrong with this one.

Taste 4

Dane Rivera

This is fantastic. A considerable step up from everything I’ve tasted so far, this sauce is close to perfect. It’s very bright cutting nicely through the layer of mozzarella with a nice balance of zest and umami and features chunks of flavor-rich tomato, without being overly thick and pasty like Taste 3.

There is something else lurking in this sauce that I can’t quite pinpoint, a sort of sweet earthiness that adds a lot of complexity to it. Just great.

Taste 5

Dane Rivera

Boring. This one isn’t bad, but it has almost nothing going for it. It’s very neutral and provides little more than a wet mouthfeel. You taste it because you know it’s there, but it doesn’t actually taste good enough to be memorable. I

f you’re looking for a non-distracting sauce, this is your best bet. But at that point, I mean… just don’t use sauce maybe?

Taste 6

Dane Rivera

While I’m pretty sure more than half of the sauces selected here have garlic in their ingredients, none of the sauces so far have relied on that flavor as much as this sauce. It’s very garlic heavy, with a rich tomato flavor that really dominated the mozzarella I sprinkled on top. The consistency was a little too pasty for me, and overall that’s going to hurt this otherwise flavorful sauce.

Taste 7

Dane Rivera

I can already tell based on the consistency and color alone, this is the homemade sauce. It has a bright red color with a very rich flavor with sumptuous umami notes balanced with a lot of natural sweetness. It’s also a little wetter than the other sauces I’ve tasted so far, which is another giveaway. If it had time to settle, the consistency would probably bit a bit thicker and more spreadable.

This is delicious and fresh though, so no complaints.

Taste 8

Dane Rivera

Earlier I said the funky mess that was Taste 2 reminded me of Chuck E. Cheese, but I didn’t mean the way it tasted, I meant the way it smelled. Taste 2 smells like Chuck E. Cheese, which is to say: feet. This sauce, however, tastes like what they actually use on Chuck E. Cheese pizza. It’s very cheap tasting and has an off-putting aftertaste that lingers between bites.

Definitely more distracting than pizza sauce should be.

Taste 9

Dane Rivera

For whatever reason, when I took a bite from this slice all of my cheese slid off. So I guess this sauce is the most slippery? That’s something right? This one has a very intense taste, that might be due to the fact that my cheese fell off but I’m getting a rich natural tomato flavor that a lot of these other sauces lack. It has an off putting sour aftertaste to it that I’m not loving though.

Not the worst, but nowhere near the best.

Taste 10

Dane Rivera

This one is very simple, I’m not getting any herbs or garlic, it’s just bright, a bit zesty, and tomato-forward — with just a pinch of salt and a bit of natural sweetness. This was definitely a nice way to end it, it’s not remarkable but it’s everything a good pizza sauce should be. A bit like Taste 4, but without that extra something that really elevates that sauce and makes it a journey.

The Ranking

10. Signature Select — Pizza Sauce (Taste 2)

Dane Rivera

Average Price: $1.79

The Sauce:

I will never forget this sauce. It’s so offensively bad that it is now forever ingrained in my memories. I will never forget its funky taste and toe-jam smell. According to the label, the funk is coming via the inclusion of parmesan cheese. It’s a nice idea, any pizza can be improved by a sprinkling of parmesan, but if you’re making homemade pizza, you’re better of grating it fresh from the block for more flavor and less funk.

Best Type Of Pizza To Use It On:

None, throw this in the trash.

The Bottom Line:

Don’t be fooled by the inclusion of parmesan, it sounds like a good idea but tastes like Chuck E. Cheese smells.

9. Trader Joe’s — Trader Giotto’s Fat-Free Pizza Sauce (Taste 1)

Dane Rivera

Average Retail Price $1.99

The Sauce:

I expected a bit more from Trader Joe’s, this sauce didn’t taste bad, but the smell was overwhelming and cheap. Trader Joe’s also carries a freshly made refrigerated pizza sauce and I wanted that for this ranking, but my local Joe’s was sold out. I’m going to go ahead and suggest you spring for the refrigerated stuff over the jarred just by process of elimination though — because this stuff tastes incredibly cheap.

According to the ingredients list, this sauce is made primarily from water and tomato paste with corn starch as a thickener, sugar, salt, and some basil and garlic powder, none of which you can taste.

Best Application:

Good for a flatbread pizza. You know, the boring, less flavorful version of a pizza.

The Bottom Line:

Not worth the jar it comes in, scan the refrigerated aisle for Joe’s fresh pizza sauce instead.

8. Prego — Pizza Sauce Pizzeria Style(Taste 8)

Dane Rivera

Average Retail Price $2.69

The Sauce:

Prego’s Pizza Sauce claims to be “pizzeria-style” and I’m not sure what that means, but there is nothing noteworthy or interesting about this sauce for it to be designated any sort of “style.” It tastes like the lowest quality ingredients possible were used in the creation of this sauce and looking at the label confirms that. Prego didn’t bother using crushed tomatoes, they just got some tomato puree and cut it with canola oil.

The fact that this is ranking higher than Trader Joe’s is just a testament to just how bad that sauce is — because this is truly some bottom-barrel stuff we are dealing with here.

Best Application:

On a pizza for a kid. One you don’t particularly like. It’s almost like ketchup — all tomato and nothing else.

The Bottom Line:

If you’re about to make a pizza and all you have is Prego Pizza Sauce, you might be better off going no sauce. This isn’t worth opening and eating, you might as well save it forever in the event the world ends and you need sustenance in our post-apocalyptic hell-scape.

Even then, I hear mud doesn’t taste too bad.

7. Ragu — Pizza Sauce Homemade Style (Taste 5)

Dane Rivera

Average Retail Price $1.79

The Sauce:

Don’t you love a food label that just outright lies to your face. Picture yourself in a crowded grocery store, you’re eyeing the pizza sauce trying to decide if that $4 jar is really better than the $2 jar, because they virtually have the same ingredients. Then you run into Ragu, with its low price and many promises — “makes great pizzas!” “extra flavorful,” “homemade style” — how could you go wrong? Well, you could’ve fallen for Prego’s “Pizzeria style” or Signature Selects inclusion of Parmesan cheese I guess, so it could be worse. But if you end up grabbing Ragu you’re going to be disappointed.

This sauce just doesn’t have anything going on. It’s one note — tomato paste. They don’t even bother using diced tomatoes here, just paste, and they cut it with soybean oil and spices. This doesn’t spread well and it doesn’t taste like much.

Best Application:

On the most mediocre homemade pizza of your life.

The Bottom Line:

If it’s all you have and you don’t feel like going to the store to buy a different brand, it gets the job done.

6. Classico — Traditional Pizza Sauce (Taste 6)

Dane Rivera

Average Retail Price $1.80

The Sauce:

After jar after jar of bad to mediocre sauces, this is our first entry that is actually worth your money. It’s cheap, simple, and packed with rich tomato and garlic flavor. The consistency is very thick so a little will go a long way. Classico makes its sauce with a blend of purée and soybean oil, so it’s not the most high quality sauce, but the focus on flavor makes up for it.

Best Application:

Good for any type of pizza but I’d use it on a more sauce-focused pie, like a deep dish.

The Bottom Line:

It’s not going to blow any minds, but it won’t leave you wanting too badly. It gets the job done and doesn’t feel like a waste.

5. Mezzetta — Pizza Sauce (Taste 9)

Dane Rivera

Average Retail Price $3.99

The Sauce:

I had high hopes for this sauce but it didn’t quite deliver at the level I was hoping for. Mezzetta uses real San Marzano tomatoes — which are the gold standard for making a pizza sauce — with extra virgin olive oil, sea salt, spices, fresh garlic, black pepper, and fresh basil. It’s almost ingredient-for-ingredient what I used on the homemade sauce but it still misses the mark to some degree.

For the price and with the ingredients used this should taste better than it does but that sour aftertaste is the only thing that lingers in my memory. It has a better flavor and consistency than Classico, but it isn’t worth its slightly inflated price.

Best Application:

Great on all sorts of pies, but I’d go heavy with the toppings to mask the more off-putting characteristics of this sauce.

The Bottom Line:

Doesn’t deliver on the promise of its well-sourced ingredients. Good but not great.

4. Boboli — Traditional Italian Pizza Sauce (Taste 3)

Dane Rivera

Average Retail Price $3.99 (Pack of three)

The Sauce:

This was the biggest surprise of the blind taste test and reaffirms why we even bother with blind taste tests in the first place! Boboli’s “Traditional Italian Pizza Sauce” (it isn’t in any way traditional or even Italian) comes packaged with every Boboli pre-made crust, I fully expected it to be the worst of the bunch, and then when I saw the sauce — with its dark BBQ-esque color and powerful smell — I was sure it was going to taste awful. Luckily, it doesn’t.

As I said in the tasting notes, it reminds me a lot of the big national pizza chains — it’s sweet, strong enough to cut through your ingredients but not in a distracting or off-putting way. Looking at the ingredients list is downright depressing: Water, Tomato Paste, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Salt, Garlic Powder, Modified Food Starch, Onion Powder, Citric Acid, Spices.

High Fructose Corn Syrup, are you fucking kidding me? In 2021? I’m ashamed this is ranking so high but blind taste tests don’t lie!

Best Application:

A good all-rounder sauce, especially if you’re looking to emulate those big national pizza chains.

The Bottom Line:

Punches way above its weight. If you don’t want to go through the trouble of making your own dough, grab a Boboli crust and you’ve got two packets of perfectly serviceable sauce. That’s killing two birds with one stone.

3. Whole Foods — Organic Pizza Sauce (Taste 10)

Dane Rivera

Average Retail Price $1.79

The Sauce:

Very natural, bright, and zesty. Whole Foods branded stuff doesn’t generally rank highly in our blind rankings, but this is a great pizza sauce. Looking at the ingredients label is a little head-scratching — this sauce contains organic onion, onion powder, organic garlic powder, organic oregano, and basil, none of which I can really taste. Maybe my palate was exhausted after bearing the brunt of trying nine other very intense sauces. What I did taste I liked. It doesn’t blow me away, but it’s so good I’d even consider this on something it’s not intended for, like a homemade chicken parmesan.

Best Application

Great on any homemade pizza you’ll ever make. Throw some fresh herbs to the top of your pie to make up for what this sauce says it has but doesn’t deliver on.

The Bottom Line:

You can’t go wrong with this sauce, it may not use whole plum tomatoes from the San Marzano region, but it’s good, and that’s all that matters.

2. Homemade Pizza Sauce (Taste 7)

Dane Rivera

Average Retail Price $1-$4

The Sauce

For this recipe, I used a single can of peeled whole tomatoes by SMT, which just for clarification are not actual San Marzano tomatoes. They are what are called “San Marzano style” tomatoes (these are from California), sometimes your local grocery store won’t have actual San Marzanos as an option. San Marzano-style is perfectly serviceable.

I emptied out the contents of the can into a big bowl, sprinkled some salt in there, gave it a glug of olive oil, threw in some dry basil and oregano, a crack of pepper, and got to crushing with my hands. For the best consistency, you should absolutely crush this with your hands and avoid using a blender. In about ten minutes I had a sauce that almost trumped every other sauce I purchased from a market. Had I used fresh basil and real San Marzanos this would’ve taken the top spot no contest.

Best Application

On any type of pizza. If your can of tomatoes yields more sauce than you need, use the remains as the base for a more complex sauce like marinara.

The Bottom Line

Trust us, make your own sauce. It’s easier than most people think it is and it gives you ultimate bragging rights when you can say you made the dough and the sauce with your own two hands.

1. Rao’s — Homemade Pizza Sauce (Taste 4)

Rao

Average Retail Price $4.99

The Sauce

Not everyone has the time or the will to make their own sauce, we get that. So if you want the best of the best with the lowest amount of effort, you’ve got to get a jar of Rao’s. I’m genuinely surprised at just how good this sauce is. If you told me you made it the morning you’re serving it, I’d believe it. It’s packed with a robust, nuanced flavor that is so good I’d even recommend it as a pasta sauce. Chunks of tomato can be seen in every spoonful of sauce, but it’s still easily spreadable. Of all the slices, this is the only one I ate fully, because I couldn’t get enough of the sauce. I took that as a strong sign that this was the best.

Rao’s is made with Italian whole peeled tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, olive oil, the usual suspects of spices (onions, salt, garlic, basil), and carrots, which is added that sweet earthy flavor I could taste on the backend. That extra ingredient really makes all the difference.

Best Application:

Use it on any pizza, as a substitute for marinara (seriously), or anything that calls for a tomato-based sauce.

The Bottom Line:

This is the best-jarred pizza sauce your money will buy. Perfect for anyone who doesn’t want to squeeze some San Marzanos by hand.