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We Need More Female-Driven Revenge Movies

Men like Nietzsche, Gandhi, and Socrates were pop culture’s original gatekeepers. If those philosophers were so insistent on convincing us that vengeance is such an empty thing that they tripped over each other to pen dramatic warnings about graves digging themselves and wounds festering, well, revenge must feel pretty damn good, right? Watching it play out on screen certainly does, and there’s no shortage of movies that trade on the entertainment value of getting even. The thing is, we need more. A lot more. And from a feminine perspective.

What began as an exercise in 70s horror exploitation with movies like I Spit On Your Grave and Lipstick has morphed into a narrative model with more than just violent delights and violent ends to its name. Revenge movies now have something to say, not only about the cruel, animalistic nature of mankind but of the evolving meaning of arbitrary concepts like “right” and “wrong.” A good revenge movie causes us to question, contemplate, and contend with our collective humanity and the systems in place that are meant to – but don’t necessarily succeed in – upholding it.

Promising Young Woman is a perfect example. When writer/director Emerald Fennell tells the story of Cassie (Carey Mulligan), a 30-something college dropout so consumed by grief after her friend Nina commits suicide that she doles out a tame method of vigilante justice on men who make sport of violating women the same way Nina once was, it’s more than fulfillment fantasy, it’s a form of protest. Not just against societal views of women that cling to life through generations like cockroaches, but against the systems in place that make it easy for perpetrators to move past their transgressions and impossible for their victims to do the same. Cassie isn’t brandishing weapons or planning elaborate schemes to punish the men who hurt Nina — not at first. Instead, she’s reveling in the sense of invincibility her simmering rage often feeds. She doesn’t fall into the stereotypes that regularly plague women’s revenge stories, eschewing the idea that a woman must be battered or scorned to deserve a chance at retribution. And she’s certainly no man — protected by plot armor and a sense of ego-stroking righteousness in his crusade against some bad apples tarnishing his gender’s on-screen reputation. She’s just a woman who is fed up and is finally doing something about it.

That Fennell never depicts violence against women, instead focusing on Cassie’s quest for revenge and trusting audiences to understand how violating and traumatizing Nina’s experience was – not just for her but for those who loved her most – is one of the most important elements of the film. Promising Young Woman never glorifies the torment that often serves as a catalyst for women’s revenge stories. Instead, Fennell invites us to enjoy watching “nice guys” reap what they sow before leaving us with a compelling idea about justice – who it’s meant for, who it actually serves, and what we’re willing to risk to get it.

Whatever reactions the film’s controversial ending sparked in audiences, just the idea that we were left thinking about the ways revenge stories have often failed women and wondering how we were meant to feel about Cassie’s final act shows how much progress we’ve made when it comes to these kinds of movies.

For a long time, women could only get revenge if they “earned it” through suffering, and only if it somehow propped up the performative machismo that made men feel better about watching it play out on screen.

One of the most prolific subsets of the revenge genre that serves as an example of this is the idea of the “rape and revenge” movie, a narrative blueprint that required female characters to experience life-altering trauma so that male characters could play their savior. In Ingmar Bergman’s The Virgin Spring, in Wes Craven’s The Last House on the Left, in Michael Winner’s Death Wish, women bear the brunt of the pain that spurs the men in their lives to later inflict it – normally on two-dimensional thugs portrayed as outcasts and criminals motivated by insanity or psychopathy. The daughters and wives who are beaten, raped, and humiliated in these early, horror-forward revenge films served as sadistic, symbolic window dressing – a cautionary tale that would further misogynistic ideas about sexual assault and a woman’s responsibility in it — and a kind of propaganda for the ultramasculine, meant to bulk up men’s ego and enshrine specific gender roles. Women got to play distressed damsels, men their unflappable saviors, and white knight syndrome continued to haunt what could’ve been a transformative period on screen for strong female characters.

Was it entertaining to watch the villains of these films suffer, sometimes in ways worse than their female victims? Duh. Vengeance activates the reward circuitry in the brain, no matter the gender of who wields it. But looking back on those movies, and the ones they inspired – we’re getting to you, Liam Neeson, hold on – we’re left with a feeling that revenge on film could be so much more.

That critique isn’t meant literally – those movies didn’t need more blood, more savagery, more machine gun ballets – but that’s what Hollywood heard when it revived the revenge genre in the aughts. It gave Neeson’s gruff, overprotective father figure a specific set of skills, sending him overseas to rescue his naïve young daughter and annihilate an underground sex trafficking ring in the process. It killed John Wick’s dog, spurring Keanu Reeves into a depressive rage cycle where he dispatched professional hitmen with ease – and an emotionless stare. It transformed Denzel Washington’s middle-aged hardware store employee into a killing machine so proficient, he can take down the Russian mob in Boston with just a nail gun and an exhaust pipe.

There were a few exceptions to the status quo, films like Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill Vols. 1 & 2 – an homage to Lady Snowblood, another 70s revenge film with a woman at its center – that tasked women with kicking ass in the name of vengeance instead, but even those stylized feminist fantasies had lingering edges of the male gaze. (And it’s hard to tout Tarantino’s commitment to spotlighting violent anti-heroines when you know the cost actress Uma Thurman paid for it behind the wheel of that convertible.)

When revenge movies drifted further from their horror beginnings, and eschewed action-adventure for the teen comedy route, that’s when they began to have substance – at least in the eyes of the women watching them. Heathers angst-ridden body count, Mean Girls queen bee coup, girls belonging to disparate high school cliques banding together to orchestrate the downfall of a serial cheating school jock in John Tucker Must Die – these revenge movies relished the dramatics raging hormones often fuel and wielded them in service of empowerment stories that carried surprisingly progressive messaging. Even a film as divisive as Karyn Kusama’s Jennifer’s Body – a movie marketed to teenage boys but clearly dedicated to the girls they often torment and wrong – pushed this iteration of the revenge movie forward. When Amanda Seyfried’s character berates her demonically-possessed friend for “killing people,” only for Megan Fox to exasperatingly respond, “No, I’m killing boys,” that wasn’t just a culture shift, it was a big bang moment for how far women could now take their murderous impulses on-screen, without feeling guilty for it.

In French director Coralie Fargeat’s Revenge, Jen is a sugar baby stereotype who survives a sexual assault, an attempted assassination, and a relentless chase through the desert only for the filmmaker to flip the lens. Instead of lingering on depicting Jen’s trauma, Fargeat lets audiences gaze at the males she’s now hunting down for revenge, through the gun sight Jen has aimed at their naked, flailing bodies desperately trying to survive her savagery. And in Netflix’s Do Revenge, it’s the ending director Jennifer Kaytin Robinson gives this teen revenge refresh that feels a bit revolutionary. Instead of repenting and changing their ways, making amends to those they’ve hurt, and touting forgiveness as the best path forward the next time someone wrongs them, Drea (Camilla Mendes) and Eleanor (Maya Hawke) embrace the fact that they’re each other’s “fucked-up soulmates,” driving off into the sunset as their classmates deal with the fallout of their scheme.

When we say we want more female-driven revenge movies, this is what we mean – we want to see a world different from our own, where women take back their power (in whatever form they please) and revel in wielding it. That doesn’t necessarily equate to violence against men, but it does mean that women get to challenge the social structure men have put in place. One that says women can’t be predators because they must be protected. One that thinks masculinity is the only weapon worth wielding against injustice. One that allows women to be messy, complicated, unlikable beings to a point – but never far enough to truly appreciate the grotesque, depraved, morally deficient version of who they can be if given the right motivation. If pushed just a little too far.

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Here Are The Most Interesting Chat GPT Conversations We Found On Reddit

Since Chat GPT first burst onto the scene in late November, the whole energy around its usage has really changed. Not too long ago, the Internet was flooded with hilarious conversations taking Chat GPT to the bounds of its creativity. It wasn’t uncommon for Chat GPT to write poetry, be a wizard, rap, and make fun of haughty farm-to-table influencers.

Nowadays, the servers are overpowered by premium users seeking to abuse the power of AI to build businesses. Basically, Chat GPT has grown up and doesn’t have time to play around. And with the new improvements of Chat GPT-4, these boring business bro requests have only intensified.

Fear not! Even as people race to master the duller capabilities of Chat GPT, there will always be some folks prodding the light-hearted soul of this technology. Here are some quirky, fun, and ironic conversations with Chat GPT we found on the internet.

1. “WHISPERS OF SAFETY”

r
Via Reddit

The improvements to Chat GPT’s artistry are not only frightening but beautiful. I count at least five brilliant quotes from this one.

2. DEAR STEPHEN

T
Via Reddit

From, “Stephen you useless ****R” to “I hope this email finds you well.”

3. COPING WITH TENSION

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Via Reddit

It’s “unlikely.”

4. EMO RAPPER

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Via Reddit

“Like the clothes that I’ve spun.” Interesting how Chat GPT characterizes this Emo Rapper as one who can sew clothing for his own personal brand. Very functional.

5. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

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Via Reddit

Warning, using Chat GPT for emotional occasions like this is a gamble. If your recipients find out the real author, it could be game over.

6. CALL ME AODHÁN

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Via Reddit

It seems like Chat GPT has thought long and hard about this.

7. AI! AI!

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Via Reddit

“In a land of code and algorithms.” So, how big is this country? Is it a population of one?

8. SOME IRONY

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Via Reddit

A moment of silence for Gary Kremen…

As AI becomes more and more prevalent, there are naturally some who will shout hallucinations of doom and gloom, and even more who will try using this new technology to make a ton of money. Everyone’s still coming to terms about what this is and what its implications could be. But amidst of all this urgency and cut-throat energy, it can’t hurt to just have some fun. Chat GPT is remarkable for so many reasons, and one of them is its witty, dry, almost innocent (at times) sense of humor.

As this technology grows, hopefully a few people will keep using it for entertainment, in addition to solving our most pressing issues.

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We Blind Tested Double Cheeseburgers From The Biggest Chains — Here’s The Undeniable Winner

Who makes the best fast food double cheeseburger? We tried to answer this question two months ago when we blind-taste tested our favorite fast casual double cheeseburgers. But looking back on that list, it seems a bit unfair. The burgers we selected for that list were from what you can arguably call “fast casual restaurants” and two of the three — In-N-Out and Shake Shack — are only available in a handful of states.

That leaves a lot of people out of the conversation, and we’re not about that — so we decided to run another round of blind double cheeseburger taste tests by focusing on five of the biggest brands in the fast food universe. We grabbed double cheeseburgers from Burger King, Carl’s Jr (AKA Hardee’s on the east coast), Jack in the Box, McDonald’s, and Wendy’s and put them to the blind taste test in search of the very best.

Who will come out on top in this fast food burger brawl? Place your bets now.

PART I — Methodology

This year we’ve blind taste tested double cheeseburgers, chicken sandwiches, crunchy tacos, and French fries (twice), and each time I’ve pulled my hair out trying to figure out how to collect as many orders as I can while still ensuring that the food is warm, in order to be as fair as possible. That wasn’t an issue this time. We’re dealing with the big brands here, so four out of five of these restaurants were located in the same two-block radius.

The only restaurant that was a bit out of the way was Wendy’s. I picked up that burger first and hoped for the best as I rounded up the other four. Once home, I went outside, donned my trusty blindfold and waited as my always-patient girlfriend served me a cross-section of one burger at a time. I took a few bites and moved on to the next one. After the burgers were tasted, I photographed the untouched cross-sections so you wouldn’t have to see my gruesome bite marks.

The burgers used in this taste test included:

  • Burger King — Double Whopper With Cheese
  • Carl’s Jr — Double Superstar
  • Jack in the Box — Ultimate Cheeseburger
  • McDonald’s — Double Cheeseburger
  • Wendy’s — Dave’s Double

If you’re a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder fan, I hear you, and originally I was going to include the Double Quarter Pounder over the value menu Double Cheeseburger but several people insisted that I order the Double Cheeseburger instead (girlfriend included) claiming it to be the superior burger. In short, if McDonald’s ranks lower than you’d expect, blame my girlfriend.

PART II — The Tasting

Taste 1:

Blind Double
Dane Rivera

None of the ingredients are coming together here. I’m tasting onion, ketchup that’s too sweet, some savory mayo, giant chunks of overpowering onion, watery tomato, bitter wet pickles, and mealy beef that’s far too dry. The flavors just don’t seem to meld in the way they should, each ingredient is hitting my taste buds in succession rather than as a harmonious whole.

What’s worse is, none of those individual ingredients is very good on their own. We’re off to a rough start.

Taste 2:

Blind Double
Dane Rivera

A significant step up from Taste 1, the meat is very prominent in this burger, it has a great savory flavor and a juicy texture that doesn’t taste overcooked. It’s bursting with umami, and while the meat is thick, it’s easy to chew through. Overall it’s very greasy, and maybe a bit over-salted, but it tastes decadent in all the right ways.

The bun is soft and spongey, and the pickles, onion, and tomato medley bring a nice snap to the mouthfeel and a fresh infusion of flavor that helps balance out the beefy notes.

Taste 3:

Blind Double
Dane Rivera

Compared to the last two burgers, this one feels incredibly small. It’s almost bite-sized by comparison. It’s a little hard to tell it’s a double — the ratio of meat to bread is a little too weighed to the bread side — but the flavors are pretty interesting. The onions and pickles have a very strong and pungent quality, and the meat is way too salty and yet.. there is a strange, addictive pull to this one.

Each bite had me a bit thirsty for more, even though I wasn’t completely sold by the flavor. It’s not a very meaty burger, but damn is it satisfying.

Taste 4:

Blind Double
Dane Rivera

Hmm, this is a strange one. It’s significantly cheesier than the other burgers, and there are some creamy nutty elements to the cheese. Pretty tasty, but the rest of the burger isn’t doing it for me. The meat is very grainy and dry, the mouthfeel is mushy, and there isn’t any tomato, lettuce, or pickles to balance things out.

It’s not bad by any means, but it feels like something is missing from this burger.

Taste 5:

Blind Double
Dane Rivera

Very nice and meaty. The lettuce, onion, and tomato are a significant step up here, it’s got snap and it’s almost salad-like. The sauce is a bit sweet and very savory and helps to elevate the meat, which is great, but the meat is a weak point. It has a nice charred quality to it, but it’s a bit overcooked and dry. It lacks any juiciness. It needs that sauce desperately to keep it from being a chore to chew through.

Altogether this burger is good but… not great.

PART III — The Ranking

5. Burger King — Double Whopper With Cheese (Taste 1)

Blind Double
Ashley Garcia

I’ve long been a vocal critic of Burger King so I can’t say I’m surprised to see BK come in at last in this blind taste test. The Whopper is one of the most famous burgers in all of fast food, but it probably shouldn’t be. It just doesn’t have anything going for it that makes it special or sets it apart. Burger King’s old claim to fame was that its burgers were flame-grilled but so are Carl’s Jr’s. And they do it significantly better than BK.

At BK you can have it your way — but let me suggest that “your way” is to avoid the Whopper at all costs.

The Bottom Line:

Stick with the Ch’King sandwich.

Find your nearest Burger King here.

4. Jack in the Box — Ultimate Cheeseburger (Taste 4)

Blind Double
Ashley Garcia

The Ultimate Cheeseburger is making a statement, it’s saying “this is the best way to have a cheeseburger,” and even if it’s wrong, we applaud them for trying. My favorite part of this burger is that it has three slices of cheese on it, two American, and one Swiss. More fast food burgers should utilize Swiss, but at the end of the day it just feels like this burger needs a bit more to it to make it something special.

Maybe that “bit more” is simply adding bacon, which is probably why Jack in the Box has a Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger, but unfortunately for them, this isn’t a bacon cheeseburger ranking.

The Bottom Line:

It’s at least interesting, but it’s not quite the “ultimate” cheeseburger it claims to be.

Find your nearest Jack in the Box here.

3. McDonald’s — Double Cheeseburger (Taste 3)

Blind Double
Ashley Garcia

Okay, I get it, I’m on board with the weirdos who prefer McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger to its Double Quarter Pounder. There is just something strangely addicting about this cheeseburger, maybe because it’s the only double that you can finish and think “I could eat another one.” I’m not sure, but with the weird salty flavor and the addicting toppings, this burger just works on the pleasure centers of the brain!

The Bottom Line:

Is McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger superior to the Quarter Pounder? Absolutely. In this burger’s case, less meat is more.

Find your nearest McDonald’s here.

2. Carl’s Jr — Double Superstar (Taste 5)

Blind Double
Ashley Garcia

Carl’s Jr gets an A rating on its ingredients. This is hands down some of the best produce you’re going to find amongst big brand fast food companies and one of the largest burgers of the lot. As I said in the tasting portion, the tomato, onion, and lettuce have some nice snap, like I was eating a salad with a beef patty on top!

What holds Carl’s Jr. back is the meat. It’s too dry and too thin to really win me over. I think Carl’s Jr knows this, which is why it has another class of burger — the Original Angus, but unfortunately, the Original Angus is not available as a double (at least officially), so it was disqualified from this taste test.

The Bottom Line:

It has a lot going for it, but the dry overcooked meat is holding it back.

Find your nearest Carl’s Jr here.

1. Wendy’s — Dave’s Double (Taste 2)

Blind Double
Ashley Garcia

Even though each of the burgers in this lineup was from big fast food corporations, Wendy’s deserves to be in another class. While the produce isn’t quite as good as Carl’s Jr’s (especially this awful romaine lettuce), the meat is bursting with savory beefy flavor. Wendy’s is the only brand out of the five that uses fresh non-frozen beef, and that really makes all the difference.

This burger just comes across as way more flavorful and therefore satisfying than the competition.

The Bottom Line:

Non-frozen meat makes all the difference. If the other big brands took a cue from Wendy’s and ditched the frozen stuff for something fresher, we’d have a significantly better fast food landscape to navigate! Until then, if you’re doing fast food double cheeseburgers from the colossal chains, make it Wendy’s.

Find your nearest Wendy’s here.

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Lil Nas X Bids The LGBTQ Community Farewell After Finding Out He’s Saweetie’s Celebrity Crush

Lil Nas X may have spent the last several days (actually, years) defending his sexuality but it turns out all it took for him to reverse course was a co-sign from the right artist. Of course, he was joking when he said goodbye to his queer icon status after learning he’s Saweetie‘s celebrity crush… but we’d understand if he wasn’t, to be honest.

Last week, after a Twitter user trolled Nas, writing, “I feel like he’s not really gay or not really that feminine it’s so forced,” Saweetie got into some hot water with fans over liking the tweet by mistake. After realizing her error and removing the like, she explained, “He was lookin fine af that’s why I liked the video. I didn’t see the shadiness …*unlikes*”

However, Nas, a Twitter veteran and a pro at handling awkward situations, showed there were no hard feelings by quote tweeting a fan account’s post of a video featuring Saweetie talking about her crush on him on E! News. During the interview, Saweetie admits, “My celebrity guy crush is Lil Nas. He is so fine. He looks better than me!” She also cracked wise about wanting to know his skincare regimen.

In response, Nas wrote, “Goodbye LGBT community,

lil nas x lgbt
Getty Image

we had a great run.”

Given that as recently as last year, fans were getting romantically connecting Saweetie to practically every eligible male rapper out, this one was out of left field. But it’s nice to know Nas and Saweetie have mutual respect for each other — maybe that can lead to some music (please?).

Saweetie is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Chris Martin Had A Hilarious Encounter With A Nurse Who Didn’t Recognize Him And Offered Music Advice

Coldplay leader Chris Martin was just the guest on a new episode of the Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend podcast that debuted March 19, and he made for an entertaining episode. He gave his humorous take on singers on talk shows, and he also shared a funny story about a funny moment he and a nurse shared in an elevator.

At the end of a newly shared video clip from the episode, O’Brien told a story about his mother meeting Jim Carrey, not knowing who the world-famous actor was, and encouraging him to keep trying at having a successful comedy career. That prompted Martin to share a similar story about celebrity going unrecognized, except it was about himself.

He explained:

“I was visiting my friend who had cancer at the time, in New York, in hospital. I was coming down in the elevator with a nurse in all her glory. Like, six pens in the pocket, you know. And I was singing… not loudly, not like, ‘Hey check this out!’ But I was mumbling or something. She said, ‘Oh, you have a beautiful voice!’ And I said, ‘Oh, thank you so much.’ She said, ‘You know, you should… you should do something with that.’

And I said, ‘Oh, well maybe.’ And she said, ‘Also, you look like the guy from Coldplay.’ This is really true! And I said, ‘Yeah, people say that.’ And she said, ‘You know what you should do? You should call restaurants and say that you’re him because you would get really good tables. And then she left.”

Watch the clip above.

Coldplay is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Even Alex Jones Believes That Trump Made A Huge Mistake In Calling For Protests Upon His Possible Arrest

Alex Jones is not the voice of reason. He’s been busy lately figuring out a way how to not pay Sandy Jones parents after losing his defamation trial for slandering them. He’s been claiming that the Feds want to take his cat away, and he’s also been reportedly “holding firearms” of January 6 rioters, but he’s now echoing Marjorie Taylor Greene and saying that Trump houldn’t have called for protests from the MAGA devotees upon his possible arrest.

Really, Alex Jones is departing from Trump on this issue. Granted, he also drops multiple conspiracy theories into this rant, but here’s the video clip, and we’ll follow up with his quote:

“I’ve got an issue with Trump on that, and I’m not saying that he didn’t have the right to say it… but I would have said it better. We got set up on January 6. We know that now. A million people people came there. A few hundred attacked the police. The police hit themselves with tear gas.

“Trump says, ‘Take our country back and protest if I get indicted.’ You can see that some people will think, ‘Take the country back,’ and then if some provocateurs do something, they can point right at Trump and say, ‘See, he basically pushed them do do this’ … It does look like he’s trying to use the public to push right up to the edge … he’s lighting up a cigarette while he’s playing with gasoline”

Claiming that the police tear-gassed themselves is, of course, dangerous and false and on brand for Jones.

Sure, it says something that even Alex Jones believes that Trump shouldn’t be inciting people to (as he did on January 6) “fight like hell” again or anything close. Then again, the conspiracy theories in Jones’ rhetoric are still completely off-the-hook and harmful as well. And this is also a guy who said that a big bowl of chili makes him forget basic facts about his children. So maybe it’s good that Alex Jones said one thing to deter violence, but he’ll probably make up for it sooner or later.

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Hotels We Love: This Barbados Property Changed My Mind About Luxury Travel

I grew up in a blue-collar family, bouncing between apartments and eating free school lunches. In other words, a 45-minute drive to the beach was my idea of a luxury vacation. Never did I think that exclusive tropical destinations and all-inclusive resorts were in my future. To be honest, all-inclusive resorts seemed like an over-the-top indulgence to me. And if there’s any resort chain that was the epitome of that idea in my mind, it was Sandals.

You know, the brand with immediately recognizable commercials full of pristine ocean-front infinity pools and happily carefree vacationers.

While I still believe that all-inclusive properties are an indulgence (even for the mega-rich) after visiting a Sandals property myself, I now know that… they just might be a worthwhile one (assuming you can afford it). I spent a week at Sandals Royal Barbados, located on the beach in Saint Lawrence Gap, and it was exactly what I imagined a Sandals might be like but… well, better. It was an all-out luxury experience complete with 24-hour on-call butler service, romantic balcony claw tubs (my personal favorite hotel room feature, perhaps ever), seaside views, and an endless supply of freshly-made food and drinks.

It’s basically a luxury amusement park for adults. Not to mention, the on-site bowling alley, brand-new rooftop bar, and array of water sports.

Between the happy honeymooners and elderly rich folks, I did feel out of place at times (or at least the young hand-me-down-wearing girl in me still felt that way). But the thing I realized throughout my trip is that everyone deserves to indulge in a luxurious travel experience from time to time. I’m certainly glad that I took one, and that I experienced it with my best friend. While romantic resorts like this one are often magnets for couples, it’s also the perfect environment for you and your closest friends to, how do I put it plainly… ball TF out together???

Check my full hotel review below:

WHY IT’S AWESOME:

Sandals Royal Barbados
Chloe Caldwell

I think the fact that luxury resorts are most frequented by a singular audience is even more of a reason to visit. To diversify the scene and expand one’s own travel experiences. Sure, it might take some extra time and a vacation-dedicated savings account. But to be honest, the luxury and comfort you’ll find at Sandals Royal Barbados are worth the splurge.

Foodies will love the bottomless meals at the property’s 20 dining options. Adventurers will take advantage of the unlimited watersports and nearby boating excursions. Wellness enthusiasts can spend their days relaxing at the Red Lane Spa and lounging by one of the 11 pools (Yes, you read that right — eleven). Those looking for a lively nightlife scene can sip locally-made rum and listen to nightly live music in the resort’s central courtyard. Or, you can head into town just a mile down the road for some local cuisine and weekend parties.

With such a vast property full of tons of amenities that appeal to different tastes, there really is something for most appetites. Speaking personally, I found my place at Sandals Royal Barbados in the calm moments between the fun-filled excursions and fine dining — strolling down the beach at sunset with my lifelong best friend, soaking under the waterfall showerhead for just a few extra minutes, savoring that first sugary sip of a piña colada on a hot afternoon…. You get the idea.

FOOD & DRINKS:

Sandals Royal Barbados
Chloe Caldwell

There are 14 bars and at least 20 dining options — if you somehow try every one of these throughout your stay, you deserve an award. For those who want a healthy salad and smoothie between pool sessions, Heart & Sol offers plenty of fresh greens. This is where I came each day to feel better about the questionable number of cocktails I was consuming. If you’re looking to taste authentic Caribbean food, head to The Jerk Shack for a casual poolside snack and a hearty helping of spicy jerk chicken. I don’t even eat chicken, but I had to try a bite. I immediately asked myself, “wait, why am I a vegetarian, again?”

Chi is the perfect place for a fancy ambiance and mouthwatering Asian delicacies. Oh, and don’t forget to start your morning with a doughnut and coffee from Sweet n’ Salty’s. I’m not going to list and describe every restaurant (that would take me far too long), but you get the point. If you don’t leave this place desperate for a workout at the gym, you didn’t take enough advantage of the all-inclusive perks (again, I know this is my thrifty mentality at play but — it added to the fun to try as much as I could!).

As for the bar scene, you’ll be able to find rum punches and daiquiris around every corner. If you want beer and a nightly activity all in one, the bowling alley is your spot — good luck avoiding gutter balls after a few drinks. Brew lovers will gawk over the wraparound craft beer bar, which serves 19 different brews from around the world. My personal spot on the property was the rooftop bar and pool, which overlooked the main resort pool and beach area. I loved it not only for the view but also because there never seemed to be a crowd there (I think this is partly because guests didn’t know it was there) so it’s a nice place to sip and chill in peace.

AMENITIES:

Sandals Royal Barbados
Chloe Caldwell
  • Unlimited fine dining at 21 restaurants
  • Unlimited premium liquors
  • 14 bars, including rooftop and swim-up bar
  • Stocked bar in every room
  • All amenities at adjacent Sandals Barbados
  • PADI-Certified SCUBA diving and equipment
  • Snorkeling and equipment
  • Hobie Cats, paddleboards, kayaks, glass-bottom boat
  • Bowling at Lovers Lanes
  • 11 pools and 6 whirlpools
  • Tennis and land sports
  • State-of-the-art fitness center
  • Day and night entertainment and live shows
  • All tips, taxes, and gratuities included
  • Roundtrip airport transfers
  • VIP Rolls-Royce transfers for select suites
  • Escorted fast-track immigration for select suites
  • WiFi in room and all common areas
  • Free wedding for stays of three nights or longer

ROOM TYPES:

sandals barbados
Sandals Royal Barbados

The Sandals Royal Barbados hotel rooms are ultra-glamorous yet somehow make you feel right at home. I was first escorted and welcomed to my room by my personal butler who proceeded to pop us a bottle of champagne as soon as we stepped into the space. “This must be what Drake feels like,” I thought.

The room was completely pristine and modern with a vibrant island flair. The best part, though, was the spacious balcony (remember that balcony claw tub I mentioned?). I stayed in a Club Level Barbados Suite (with Butler Service), but there are 21 total room types you can book — from oceanview penthouses to swim-up suites.

View all of the Sandals Royal Barbados room types here.

THE BEST THING TO DO WITHIN A 15-MINUTE WALK:

Barbados
Chloe Caldwell

While it’s hard to pull yourself away from the lavish resort life, it’s worth taking a 15-minute walk outside to explore Saint Lawrence Gap — if you want to immerse yourself in the action, head to the West End. Coined, “The Gap,” it’s basically one long street full of seaside cafés, lively bars, various hotels, and small businesses. You’ll pass by lots of vendors selling souvenir trinkets and handmade bracelets. You can stop in for a cocktail at a quiet restaurant or pub during the day (I went to Mimosas Barbados) or have a boisterous night out at the club. Or you can walk the boardwalk and lounge at another beach.

Regardless of how much this experience charmed me, it’s worth leaving the resort bubble even if it’s just for an hour or two.

THE BEST THING TO DO WITHIN A 15-MINUTE DRIVE:

Barbados
Chloe Caldwell

What’s a Caribbean vacation without a boat ride out on the water?

And you might as well make it a booze cruise. The best thing to do within a 15-minute (ish) drive from the resort is to take a catamaran tour with Island Routes. A bus will pick you up from the resort so you don’t have to worry about transportation, and the drive is a great opportunity to get a small glimpse of Bridgetown, the island’s capital. Once you hop aboard the catamaran, you’ll sail through the crystal blue water, go snorkeling (look out for sea turtles and stingrays!), sip on rum-spiked cocktails, and venture to other parts of the island.

BED GAME:

Sandals Royal Barbados
Sandals Royal Barbados

A luxury resort like this one isn’t going to skimp out on unworthy hotel beds. I mean, come on! I can confidently say that I passed out peacefully every night. The perfectly fluffed pillows and plush but not-too-heavy comforter created a cozy sanctuary to come home to after a long day of…sunbathing and swimming. (I mean… I was chill as sh*t on this trip.)

The best part? The cleaning staff leaves a piece of artwork on your bed every afternoon made from origami towels (literally, swans made out of a bath towel) and rainbow popsicle sticks placed into endearing sayings, such as “hello sunshine.” It’s the little touches that stand out.

Rating:

9/10

SEXINESS RATING:

Sandals Royal Barbados
Chloe Caldwell

I mean… we never go 10/10 here but…

There’s a reason honeymooners and couples are attracted to this place. It’s damn romantic! Much of the staff was confused to find out that my best friend and I were not, in fact, in a relationship. I guess it doesn’t help that we got a massage for two at the spa, which kicks off with a “love candle” burning ceremony. And I know I’ve mentioned this twice already, but let’s not forget about the balcony claw tub.

Can you imagine soaking in a warm bubble bath with your boo as the sun goes down over the horizon? The point is, Sandals is sexy as hell whether you go with your partner, your friends, or even on a solo luxury getaway.

Rating:

10/10

THE VIEWS AND PHOTO SPOTS:

There is literally an endless supply of photo backgrounds and gorgeous views. From the rooftop bar to the beach to the decked-out beach chairs and pool cabanas to your very own hotel room, you’re sure to leave your trip maxing out your iPhone storage (I’m still posting photos from this trip, and I visited almost a year ago).

Rating:

9/10

BEST SEASON TO VISIT:

barbados
Chloe Caldwell

There’s really no bad time to visit Barbados, but the best time to go is between mid-December and mid-April, as this is the island’s dry season. During this late-winter and early-spring period, you’ll experience temperatures in the high 80s and endless sunshine.

IF I HAD TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ONE THING:

sandals barbados
Chloe Caldwell

Maybe it’s just because I’m not used to having 24-hour service like some other resort travelers, but my only (and I mean only) complaint is that our butlers were almost too attentive. They’d call us to check in multiple times a day, make our reservations for dinner then walk us to the restaurant, show up on the beach or at the pool when we were lounging…It was incredible to have anything I needed at every moment, and I’m incredibly appreciative of their help and what they do, but… at times it felt like a little much. A person being lazy all day just doesn’t have too many needs!

BOOK HERE:

Sandals Royal Barbados
Chloe Caldwell

As gaudy and inaccessible as it all might appear on the surface, people of all ages, relationship statuses, and backgrounds should consider indulging in the extravagance of an all-inclusive at least once in their lifetime. Based on my own experience, Sandals Barbados is one hell of a place to do it. Book your stay HERE.

INSTAGRAM IMAGES TAKEN AT THE SANDALS ROYAL BARBADOS:


Uproxx was hosted for this story by Sandals Royal Barbados. However, they did not review this story. You can learn more about the Uproxx Press Trip policy here.

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Vodkas You Can Actually Drink Straight, Ranked

We won’t say that vodka doesn’t deserve some of its negative press. But it definitely doesn’t deserve it all. Sure, there are awful, harsh, borderline undrinkable vodkas that are guaranteed to give you a nail-in-the-temples level hangover. And of course, there are plenty of decent, albeit cheap vodkas that serve as great bases for your favorite cocktails. But there are also a surprising number of vodkas that are so well-made and flavorful that you just might consider sipping them neat or on the rocks, like you would your favorite whiskey.

Obviously, this distilled spirit made from potatoes, rye, wheat, or some other grain or vegetable is usually clear, without much of a discernable odor, and carries very little taste. But this neutral spirit, if made well, should have at least a few flavors thanks to the included ingredients and sugars. In fact, more and more vodkas are actually nuanced, complex, and flavorful enough to be enjoyed on their own, without a full bottle of fruit punch or over-the-top ingredients.

We found eight “sippable” vodkas and ranked them based on flavor profile and overall slow-sipping ability. Keep scrolling to see them all.

8) Tito’s Handmade Vodka

Tito’s Handmade Vodka
Tito’s Handmade Vodka

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $20

The Vodka:

Fans of Tito’s will tell you that this 100% corn-based vodka is highly mixable and sippable on its own. It’s distilled on pot stills and is known for its extremely smooth flavor profile featuring cracked black pepper and sweet corn.

Tasting Notes:

Instead of the usual bland, ethanol aroma that many vodkas have, this one smells like cracked black pepper, various other spices, and grilled corn on the nose. The palate is very sweet, creamy, and loaded with more sweet corn, black pepper, and a light nutty sweetness. It’s a little too sweet at times, though.

Bottom Line:

Tito’s is an easy-drinking mix of sweetness and heat. Its only downfall is that since it’s a corn-based vodka, it’s almost over-the-top sweet, which might not appeal to some drinkers.

7) Broken Shed Vodka

Broken Shed Vodka
Broken Shed

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $26

The Vodka:

Broken Shed comes from New Zealand and it’s known for its mellow, easy-drinking simplicity. Made simply with mineral water, spring water, and whey, this sustainable vodka is clean, creamy, and complex flavor profile.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is very sweet with some vanilla and light spices, but not much else. On the palate, you’ll find some citrus zest, creamy vanilla, and light minerality. Really, that’s about it. It’s easy to drink but almost too simple on the palate.

Bottom Line:

If you’re looking for a mellow, easy-drinking vodka without much going on in the flavor department, this is the vodka for you. If you’re looking for more complexity, keep looking.

6) Reyka Vodka

Reyka Vodka
Reyka

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $25

The Vodka:

Iceland is one of the most picturesque, exciting countries in the world. It’s home to massive volcanoes, beautiful waterfalls, and thermal springs. It’s also home to Reyka Vodka. This popular vodka is made with barley and wheat and distilled with some of the purest glacial spring water in the world. It’s distilled in Carter-Head stills and filtered through volcanic rocks.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is earthy, herbal, and very floral. It’s unique and draws you in for more. The palate is smooth, creamy, and filled with vanilla, lemon zest, cracked black pepper, and more delicate floral flavors. It’s sweet, lightly spicy, and highly sippable.

Bottom Line:

This vodka is surprisingly complex. It’s creamy and flavorful. The only negative is that it leans a little too heavily into the floral realm for some vodka drinkers (myself ~semi~ included).

5) Belvedere Vodka

Belvedere Vodka
Belvedere Vodka

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $40 for a liter

The Vodka:

Made the same way since its inception in 1910, this popular Polish vodka is made with rye and purified water. There are no additives, thus creating a clean, crisp, pure, classic vodka known for its mix of vanilla, toffee, and wintry spices.

Tasting Notes:

On the nose, you’ll find toasted almonds, vanilla beans, and herbal, earthy grass. The palate is filled with notes of vanilla, a nutty sweetness, grass, and peppery rye. It’s sweet, spicy, and well-suited for slow sipping.

Bottom Line:

The sweet and spicy nature of this popular vodka makes it a great choice for sipping neat or on the rocks with a single ice cube.

4) Chopin Potato Vodka

Chopin Potato Vodka
Chopin

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $30

The Vodka:

First launched in 1992, this family-owned vodka brand is distilled with 100% potatoes that were sourced from the local farms surrounding this Polish distillery. Its copper column-still distilled and known for its soft, sweet flavor profile.

Tasting Notes:

Vanilla beans, earth grass, green apples, and light spices are prevalent on the nose. Sipping it reveals flavors like candied almonds, vanilla, caramel, green apples, citrus zest, and light spices. It’s sweet, spicy, and complex.

Bottom Line:

For how simple this vodka is in ingredients, it’s the opposite in terms of flavor. It’s highly complex and deserves to be sipped neat or on the rocks on a cool evening.

3) Barr Hill Vodka

Barr Hill Vodka
Barr Hill

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $60

The Vodka:

This award-winning vodka is made from a fairly unique ingredient, especially when it comes to vodka. It’s not made with potatoes, rye, or even wheat. It’s made from raw honey. This creates a surprisingly earthy, complex vodka with sweet honey and wildflower flavors and aromas.

Tasting Notes:

The nose isn’t overly exciting, but that’s not necessarily a bad thin — vanilla beans, light spices, and a whole heap of sweet honey. The palate follows suit with notes of toasted vanilla beans, citrus zest, pepper, and another kick of raw honey.

Bottom Line:

This easy-drinking vodka gets most of its flavor from raw honey and light spices. It’s a nice sweet, slightly-spicy sipper for an unseasonably cool evening.

2) Absolut Elyx Vodka

Absolut Elyx Vodka
Absolut

ABV: 42.3%

Average Price: $35

The Vodka:

Sweden’s Absolut is one of the biggest names in vodka and its Absolut Elyx is one of the best sipping vodkas in the world. Distilled with estate-grown winter wheat, this popular vodka is known for its clean, creamy, complex palate.

Tasting Notes:

Before your first sip, you’ll be greeted with earthy, herbal, aromas as well as vanilla, caramel, cereal grains, chocolate, and gentle spices. The palate is loaded with candied nuts, cereal grains, vanilla beans, chocolate, pepper, and a gentle, floral backbone.

Bottom Line:

Absolut Elyx is a very complex vodka. It’s the kind of vodka that requires multiple tasting to find all the aromas and flavors. Drink it slowly on the rocks and try to find as many as possible in one sitting.

1) St. George All Purpose Vodka

St. George All Purpose Vodka
St. George

ABV: 40%

Average Price: $28

The Vodka:

While the name makes it seem more like an industrial cleaner than vodka, we can assure you this is a complex, sipping spirit. Great for mixing but even better for sipping neat or on the rocks, this unique vodka is made from Bartlett pears and a non-GMO base spirit.

Tasting Notes:

The nose is a bright, vibrant blend of ripe pears, vanilla beans, light pepper, and floral aromas. Drinking it is even better with more orchard fruit flavor, toasted vanilla beans, buttery caramel, cracked black pepper, and lightly herbal, floral flavors.

Bottom Line:

This is a sweet, fruity, gently spicy vodka that will make you rethink how you feel about the spirit as a gentle sipper. It’s really that good.

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s ‘Goofy AF’ Lawyer Didn’t Impress Anyone With His Bumbling Opening Statements In Her Skiing Accident Lawsuit

The trial over an alleged ski accident involving Gwyneth Paltrow kicked off on Tuesday, and right out of the gate, Paltrow’s lawyer doesn’t seem to be doing the actress slash wellness guru any favors.

At issue is a claim by optometrist Terry Sanderson who has accused Paltrow of slamming into him on the Park City slopes and leaving him with “a brain injury, four broken ribs and other serious injuries,” according to the Associated Press. Sanderson has described the incident as a “hit and run” (the actress reportedly “skied away”) and is suing Paltrow for damages.

Paltrow, however, is countersuing for $1 and accusing Sanderson of running into her. She also asserts that her “group” checked on Sanderson after the collision and he said he was “fine.” The two sides are now battling it out in a Park City court with Paltrow in attendance, but it’s her wacky attorney who’s stealing the spotlight.

As seen in the video, things started amicably below with Paltrow’s attorney Steve Owens introducing his team.

Unfortunately, the situation went off the rail as Owens delivered his opening statement, which was notably scattered and punctuated with weird asides, like how much he was tickled by the plaintiff’s description of Paltrow crashing into him like “King Kong swinging out of the jungle.”

After videos of Owens’ opening statement went viral, Twitter had a field day reacting to the legal proceedings, with one Twitter using joking that Paltrow is “about to lose all her vagina candle money with this goofy af lawyer.”

You can see some of the reactions below:

(Via Associated Press)

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Breaking Down The Stretch Run In The Crowded Western Conference Playoff Race

We have arrived at the final 10 (or so) games of the NBA season, and in the Western Conference, there is no more clarity now than when the season began as to who will make the playoffs and play-in tournament. The Nuggets are the only team to have clinched a playoff berth so far, while the Grizzlies and Kings are not far away.

From there, everything gets really murky, as the gap from fourth to 12th in the West is four games, and sixth to 12th is only two games. That means every team in the mix is one hot streak from jumping into a guaranteed playoff spot, or one cold spell from missing the play-in entirely. What’s been so striking about the West this season has been how high-variance seemingly every team has been, aside from the top three and bottom three. That only adds to the difficulty in figuring out who will rise to the occasion to close out the season, because very few of these teams can be trusted to put together a consistent stretch of good basketball.

Here, we’re going to try and look at the path facing each team in the stretch run, highlighting the difficulty of their schedule, health situation, and what has to happen for them to punch their ticket to the postseason.

4. Phoenix Suns (38-33; 23-12 home, 15-21 road)

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Remaining Schedule: @Lakers, @Kings, vs. 76ers, @Jazz, vs. Wolves, vs. Nuggets, @Thunder, vs. Spurs, vs. Nuggets, @Lakers, vs. Clippers

The Suns should make the playoffs, but with Kevin Durant out, they haven’t been able to separate themselves from the pack in the way they thought they would after the trade deadline. Durant may return for the very end of the season — I’d figure the Spurs game at home is the target date based on the reporting that’s out there — and with him in the lineup they’ve looked dominant. Without him, there’s just not a lot of depth on the wing and their schedule is not particularly friendly. The Spurs game is the only one they get against an actively tanking team, as everyone else is fighting for playoff position.

The next four games will be particularly telling. Their one home game against Philly isn’t really much of a home game, as it comes on the second leg of a back-to-back and they’ll have to fly back after playing in Sacramento. If they can get through that stretch at 3-1, they should sew up the 4 or 5-seed. If they stumble at, say, 1-3, things could get very tight for Phoenix in terms of dodging the play-in.

5. Los Angeles Clippers (38-34; 19-16 home, 19-18 road)

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Remaining Schedule: vs. Thunder, vs. Thunder, vs. Pelicans, vs. Bulls, @Grizzlies, @Grizzlies, @Pelicans, vs. Lakers, vs. Blazers, @Suns

Of this group, I’m not sure any team’s inconsistencies have been more maddening than the Clippers. When it’s all clicking, they look like the contender everyone thought they’d be in the preseason. However, they rarely carry a good effort from one quarter to the next, much less one game to the next, and as such, they find themselves needing to scrap down the stretch rather than gliding into the postseason. This upcoming four-game spell at home is where they should be able to solidify themselves as a top-5 seed. They are not a dominant home team like a lot of the other teams on this list, who have had most of their struggles on the road, but with two games against OKC, then the Pelicans and suddenly feisty Bulls, there’s a chance to go 4-0 and vault into the 4-seed given the Suns aforementioned road trip. That would require them playing up to expectation for four straight games, though, and it’s hard to believe in them to do so.

6. Golden State Warriors (37-36; 29-7 home, 8-29 road)

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Remaining Schedule: @Dallas, vs. 76ers, vs. Wolves, vs. Pelicans, vs. Spurs, @Nuggets, vs. Thunder, @Kings, @Blazers

The Warriors home-road splits are the most baffling thing in the NBA this season. It doesn’t make sense how a team can have the third-best home record in the NBA and the third-worst road record simultaneously, especially considering they’re one of the most veteran groups in the league. I’ll never understand it, but the sample size is too large to ignore at this point. They finally won a road game on Monday, but it required facing the actively tanking Rockets to get it.

On the positive side, five of their last nine games are at home, and they figure to be heavy favorites in four of them (the Sixers being the exception). If they can just keep doing what they’ve done all year at home, they might enter that final stretch of three road games with a chance because Portland is very close to pulling the ripcord on the season, Denver is prone to mentally checking out once they clinch the 1-seed, and Sacramento might also be locked into its position by the time they meet. That’s the optimistic take. The flip-side is, Andrew Wiggins is still out and if they lose to Philly and drop one of the other games at home, it’s really hard to count on this team to pick up results on the road even against teams with little to play for. A loss in Dallas on Wednesday would drop them to 7th in the West, and would make those home games, particularly against the Sixers, even more critical to win.

7. Dallas Mavericks (36-36; 22-14 home, 14-22 road)

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Remaining Schedule: vs. Warriors, vs. Hornets, @Hornets, @Pacers, @Sixers, @Heat, @Hawks, vs. Kings, vs. Bulls, vs. Spurs

Dallas is hopeful to get Luka Doncic back soon from his thigh strain, but his status for the Warriors game is unknown. Kyrie Irving has played the last two games with his foot soreness issue, but was wearing a walking boot after the Grizzlies game as a “precautionary measure” after aggravating it in a loss to Memphis. The health of their two stars is the cloud hanging over Dallas, and even with those two in the lineup, they haven’t exactly mown down the opposition. The Warriors game at home will be huge because they can jump into 6th with a win and then have three straight games against bad teams: a home-and-home with Charlotte and then a visit to Indiana.

After that, things get trickier as they face three East teams fighting for playoff and play-in position on the road. The schedule is about as friendly as anyone’s, but Dallas has to take advantage of that. Like the teams above them, the next four games figure to paint a picture of just how hard they’ll have to work over the final two weeks to make the playoffs.

8. Minnesota Timberwolves (36-37; 20-17 home, 16-20 road)

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Remaining Schedule: vs. Hawks, @Warriors, @Kings, @Suns, vs. Lakers, vs. Blazers, @Nets, @Spurs, vs. Pelicans

The good news for Minnesota is they are reportedly optimistic Karl-Anthony Towns will finally return to the lineup this week, possibly debuting against the Hawks, and Anthony Edwards likewise should be back soon. The bad news is, their upcoming road trip is a hellacious one. They need to beat the Hawks at home and hope to steal one on the road just to keep pace, but that will not be an easy task against three very good home teams, with the first two coming in the form of a back-to-back where they might not want to play their two stars coming back from injuries in Sacramento. After that, they have some very winnable games, but their margin for error may be very slim by the time they get there.

9. Oklahoma City Thunder (35-36; 22-15 home, 13-21 road)

josh giddey shai gilgeous-alexander
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Remaining Schedule: @Clippers, @Clippers, @Lakers, @Blazers, vs. Hornets, vs. Pistons, @Pacers, vs. Suns, @Warriors, @Jazz, vs. Grizzlies

The Thunder have been one of the best stories in the NBA this season just by being in this position with 11 games to go. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander has been an All-NBA player this season, and as long as he’s in the lineup, they have a legit shot at the postseason. The schedule is not doing them a ton of favors in this closing stretch, as seven road games, including three straight in L.A. to start, isn’t ideal for a team that, like so many, has struggled on the road. If they can swipe one in L.A. by defeating both the nightlife and either the Clippers or Lakers, that’d be a big step, because the middle of this stretch is soft.

They’ll likely be favored or close to it in the four games after their L.A. visit, and considering the difficulty of their closing stretch, they might need to win all of them — although by the time they get to the season finale against Memphis, the Grizzlies could be resting up for the postseason. What’s wild to think about is their visit to Utah on April 6 could be a massively important game for the play-in race, which no one would’ve expected back in October.

10. Utah Jazz (35-36; 22-13 home, 13-23 road)

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Remaining Schedule: vs. Blazers, vs. Bucks, @Kings, vs. Suns, @Spurs, @Celtics, @Nets, vs. Lakers, vs. Thunder, vs. Nuggets, @Lakers

Like OKC, the Jazz just being in a play-in spot in late March is an incredible feat. They were not supposed to be this good, especially after selling at the deadline to help facilitate the three-team deal with the Wolves and Lakers, and yet here they are, one game back of Minnesota and a half-game up on L.A., the two teams they theoretically helped out at the deadline. The Jazz do get the benefit of having more home games remaining than road games, but three of those are against the Bucks, Suns, and Nuggets, which will be games they are underdogs in.

That said, they’ve thrived in that role all year and are capable of jumping up and biting anyone at any point if they don’t bring their best. The health of Lauri Markkanen, who sat out Monday’s win over the Kings with a back injury, is going to be something to monitor moving forward, particularly as they have a pair of back-to-backs left on the schedule. While it’s probably not likely considering the upcoming schedule for Utah, their visit to L.A. to end the season could be a play-in game for the play-in tournament, which would be truly incredible to see.

11. Los Angeles Lakers (35-37; 19-17 home, 16-20 road)

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Remaining Schedule: vs. Suns, vs. Thunder, vs. Bulls, @Bulls, @Wolves, @Rockets, @Jazz, @Clippers, vs. Suns, vs. Jazz

There’s apparent optimism that LeBron James will be back in the Lakers lineup at some point before the end of the regular season, but when that happens is kind of important to how optimistic the Lakers should feel about their chances of making a move up the standings. The schedule isn’t exactly a gauntlet, but nine of their last 10 are against teams that will have something to play for, with the lone exception being a visit to Houston that should be a nice respite in the middle of a road-trip — I say should because last time they went to Houston, they lost.

Anthony Davis has looked really good again at times, which bodes well for L.A., but despite looking better, the results haven’t been there to vault them into firm play-in position. The road trip to Chicago, Minnesota, Houston, and Utah will be particularly important, as those should be winnable games despite being on the road, but L.A. hasn’t taken advantage of winnable stretched much this season. How they navigate that spell before coming back to L.A. for a “road” game with the Clippers and home tilts against the Suns and Jazz will determine where (and whether) their season continues into mid-April.

12. New Orleans Pelicans (34-37; 22-13 home, 12-24 road)

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Remaining Schedule: vs. Spurs, vs. Hornets, @Clippers, @Blazers, @Warriors, @Nuggets, vs. Clippers, vs. Kings, vs. Grizzlies, vs. Knicks, @Wolves

It goes without saying that beating the Spurs and Hornets at home is a must for the Pelicans if they’re to have any chance of climbing into the play-in, because after that their schedule gets nasty. This is a team that was looking like a top-4 contender early in the year before injuries started to derail their season and they have simply not gotten back on track. Zion Williamson’s next evaluation for his hamstring injury is supposed to be this week, but given the lack of reporting on there being optimism about his return, I’m not anticipating him factoring into this stretch run much at all. Obviously their outlook changes dramatically if he can play at least half of these games, but if not it is an uphill battle.

A hellacious road trip is on the horizon, where beating Portland is going to be a must, and then they’re going to have to flex their muscle at home against four teams that are above them in the standings. It’s a tall order, but this team found a little something last year around this time to grind their way into the play-in and parlayed that to winning the 8-seed. They’ll need to capture that magic again to chip away at the teams in front of them.