Houston’s own Don Toliver has been announced as the halftime performer for the 2023 McDonald’s All-American Games. Taking place on Tuesday, March 28 at the Toyota Center in Houston, Texas, the MCDAAGs are the premier showcase of amateur basketball talent in the nation outside of March Madness. Toliver will perform between halves during the boys’ game, while the Texas Southern University Ocean of Soul Marching Band will perform during the girls’ game.
In a press statement, Toliver said, “I’m ready to do my thing at the McDonald’s All-American Games halftime show. I have a lot of respect for how hard the players have worked to be at the top of their game, and it’s an honor to take center stage in my hometown where it all began for me.”
The rosters for the 2023 McDonald’s All-American Games were announced earlier this year and include names like Bronny James — the son of NBA All-Star LeBron James — and No. 1-ranked girls’ player Juju Watkins of Watts, California. You can check out both groups’ rosters below.
Boys Roster:
East
Omaha Biliew, Iowa State
Aaron Bradshaw, Kentucky
Matas Buzelis, G League Ignite
Stephon Castle, UConn
Justin Edwards, Kentucky
Kwame Evans Jr, Oregon
Aden Holloway, Auburn
Elmarko Jackson, Kansas
Mackenzie Mgbako, Duke
Sean Stewart, Duke
D.J. Wagner, Kentucky
Cody Williams, Colorado
West
Xavier Booker, Michigan State
Isaiah Collier, USC
Mookie Cook, Oregon
Baye Fall, Arkansas
Jeremy Fears, Michigan State
Brandon Garrison, Oklahoma State
Ron Holland, Texas
Bronny James, Undeclared
Jared McCain, Duke
Reed Sheppard, Kentucky
Andrej Stojacković, Stanford
Ja’Kobe Walter, Baylor
East
Zoe Brooks, NC State
Essence Cody, Alabama
Aalyah Del Rosario, LSU
Jadyn Donovan, Duke
Milaysia Fulwiley, South Carolina
Hannah Hidalgo, Notre Dame
Riley Nelson, Maryland
Courtney Ogden, Stanford
Laila Reynolds, Florida
Emma Risch, Notre Dame
Taliah Scott, Arkansas
Ashlynn Shade, UConn
West
Kamorea Arnold, UConn
Sofia Bell, Oregon
Madison Booker, Texas
Addy Brown, Iowa State
Breya Cunningham, Arizona
Kymora Johnson, Virginia
Tessa Johnson, South Carolina
Amanda Muse, UCLA
Juju Watkins, USC
Jada Williams, Arizona
Mikaylah Williams, LSU
Sahara Williams, Oklahoma
A lot has changed in the two-plus years since we last published our comprehensive best grilled chicken sandwiches ranking. More than half of the eleven sandwiches we reviewed straight up don’t exist anymore! It looks like the grilled chicken sandwich, like the salad, is a dying breed in the fast food universe. That’s unfortunate because even though the idea of a grilled sandwich doesn’t inspire salivation quite like the thought of a juicy fried chicken sandwich does, they’re actually pretty damn good. On top of that, they’re significantly healthier than their fried counterparts.
That leaves fewer options for the people who want the convenience of eating a sandwich but would rather not eat something deep-fried. So what happened, are people not interested in healthier fast food options? Or was the issue the sandwiches themselves?
We think maybe it was the sandwiches. The six that have been discontinued include Dairy Queen’s, Sonic’s, Arby’s, and the most painful for me personally, Wendy’s. A majority of these sandwiches weren’t very good to begin with — so even though there is less variety out there, it isn’t a total loss. Plus, a couple of new sandwiches have hit the scene.
Here is where you can find the best fast food grilled chicken sandwiches in 2023, ranked from least delicious to most.
11. Subway— The Great Garlic
Dane Rivera
Tasting Notes:
I cannot speak enough about how much I find this sandwich absolutely vile. The sandwich features rotisserie chicken (not technically grilled, but not fried so we’re counting it), bacon, provolone, lettuce, tomatoes, red onions, and a creamy roasted garlic aioli, sounds great right? Well, it’s not. This sandwich has exactly one tasting note: garlic. It tastes so overwhelming that it’s inedible.
Roasting garlic is an art, you want it blistered and slightly caramelized, offering a flavor that has a touch of sweetness, floral and caramelized earthiness, and a noticeable depth. It’s supposed to elevate a dish, not drown it. This garlic aioli Subway serves is extremely bitter — which suggests it’s not roasted, it’s burnt.
The Bottom Line:
It sounds good, but if you order this, ditch that garlic aioli and replace it with one of Subway’s other sauces, like the Baja Chipotle.
Again, this isn’t grilled chicken, it’s rotisserie (Subway seems to have discontinued grilled chicken in any of their signature sandwiches), and it’s not even tender juicy rotisserie chicken — it’s dry and stringy.
We’ll grade the chicken for you — it gets an ‘F,’ and everything else about this sandwich misses the mark as well.
Mexican food, and I’m totally biased here, is the best food on earth. The flavors are rich, complex, and excite the palate as they dance across your tastebuds. The Mexicali has none of that. There is avocado, which is great, but everything else about this sandwich is bland. Lettuce? Why not cilantro? Tomatoes? Okay, but how about jalapeños? Why is this sandwich so lacking in flavor?
The only saving grace is the Baja chipotle sauce, which tastes fine, but… I mean why not just have some sort of salsa? Do you know how many people would order their sandwich with salsa if it was an option?
In short: Subway makes me so f*cking mad.
The Bottom Line:
Run away from Subway, find your nearest taqueria, and order a f*cking torta.
9. Jack in the Box — Sourdough Grilled Chicken Club
Jack in the Box
Tasting Notes:
It hurts me to rank this one near the bottom of the list, but Jack in the Box could do better so I’m going to call them out! A few elements of this sandwich absolutely work, the sourdough bread is great, it’s airy and chewy, and adds a nice subtle sour tinge to each bite. The filet is fine, it’s not as juicy and tender as I want it to be, but the flavor is good enough…
It’s everything else about this sandwich that misses the mark.
It’s smeared with mayo, which is fine if not a bit unimaginative, but the lettuce is inedible, it’s dry and flavorless, the tomatoes aren’t as juicy as the press photo would suggest, and the bacon is too thin to really make an impact. The Swiss cheese, excuse me ‘Swiss-style cheese,’ adds a bit of nuttiness to the flavor, but mostly just tastes like some kind of altered American cheese and doesn’t really compliment the other flavors of this sandwich.
You can make a few improvements yourself — skip the mayo and douse this thing in either Jack’s BBQ, Ranch, Honey Mustard or my personal favorite, Frank’s Red Hot.
The Bottom Line:
It just needs a few tweaks and it can be a significantly better sandwich. Hopefully, Jack in the Box makes those tweaks rather than straight out discontinuing it.
If you’re a big Chick-fil-A fan this one is going to feel like it’s ranked very low, and it is, but Chick-fil-A offers much better grilled chicken sandwich and this one is just a bit too bare bones to rank any higher for us. This sandwich features a grilled chicken filet on top of tomatoes, green leaf lettuce, and a toasted multigrain bun. That’s it!
The chicken is delicious, it has a balance between charred flavors with some brightness from lemon and a floral herbal flavor, it’s some of the best seasoned grilled chicken in all of fast food, but it’s dry like the desert. Yes, you can fix that by choosing your favorite Chick-fil-A sauce and dipping it or smearing it on the top bun, but that’s not how the sandwich comes, so we have to take it and rank it as it is. Ultimately, it tastes too empty to rank any higher.
We’re officially in the category of grilled chicken sandwiches that taste good. I don’t have any notes of improvement for Carl’s Jr’s Charbroiled BBQ Chicken, it’s a solid grilled chicken sandwich that is worth ordering if you love BBQ sauce.
Carl’s Jr has some of the best BBQ sauce in the game, it’s tangy, smokey, sweet, and obliterates the dry texture you’re going to get with a charbroiled chicken breast filet. The chicken has a great flavor, I’m tasting salt, black pepper, and that delicious charred flavor, but as a result of the cooking method, it’s a bit dry. Trust me, the BBQ remedies that.
Rounding on the sandwich is tomato and lettuce and while the lettuce is low quality offering more texture than flavor, the tomatoes are deliciously juicy and ripe, bringing brightness to counteract the darker smokey flavors.
It’s the same chicken that’s in the Charbroiled BBQ so it’s good, juicy, charred, and flavorful, and the build here is much better. You’ve got smokey notes from the bacon, a nice infusion of salty and creamy Swiss cheese, and a buttery brioche bun that is soft and easy to chew through. Here is the thing though, instead of BBQ sauce you get mayo, which is fine but… this sandwich would taste better with BBQ.
Why isn’t bacon on the Charbroiled BBQ sandwich? Bacon and BBQ is an unbeatable combination!
While the rule here is to take these sandwiches as they come, I’m going to rank the Charbroiled Chicken Club just a bit higher than the BBQ because I think the addition of bacon and cheese makes this a more satisfying sandwich. But between you and me, switch out that mayo for BBQ.
The Bottom Line:
Bacon, chicken, cheese, what’s not to love? (The mayo, mostly.)
Last year Panera unveiled two new chicken sandwiches and they instantly shot up our favorites list. This sandwich is simple, it features a seared chicken breast filet (not technically grilled but we’re counting it) atop a layer of slightly bitter and earthy greens, parmesan crisps, and a garlic aioli sauce-smeared brioche bun. It’s simple, direct, and delicious.
The chicken is tender with a sort of citrusy zest to it and the parmesan crisps, while not particularly flavorful, add a great textural mouthfeel. The garlic aioli is fragrant and savory and elevates the dish. Subway take note — this is how you make garlic aioli!
By searing the chicken, Panera has managed to offer a nice semi-crispy crust to the meat, giving you a similar texture to fried chicken without the crunch. It’s an all-around winner and definitely worth seeking out if you haven’t given Panera a try.
The Bottom Line:
Simple and delicious, Panera offers one of the best-tasting and newest non-fried chicken sandwiches in the fast food space.
4. Carl’s Jr — Charbroiled Santa Fe Chicken Sandwich
Carl
Tasting Notes:
I have a bone to pick with Carl’s Jr. This sandwich used to be served on a honey wheat bun and it added a sweet element to the flavor profile that really helped to make this one of my favorite grilled chicken sandwiches, but somewhere over the past two years Carl’s Jr has gotten cheap and dropped the honey wheat bun and replaced it with brioche. It changes the flavor profile, and while it’s still good, I can’t help but miss the old sandwich.
Two things make this sandwich delicious, the Santa Fe Sauce, which tastes like a savory blend of mayo, smokey paprika, earthy curry powder, and a hint of cayenne on the backend to give it a spicy lift, and the mild green chili. More chicken sandwiches need a giant chili in them!
This chili isn’t hot, at all, if you’re looking for spice, look elsewhere, but what it does provide is a nice earthy, vegetal, and smokey top note to the sandwich that makes each bite a true pleasure. There is a delicious medley of natural flavors here, and on top of that you’ve got salty American cheese, and that char-broiled chicken. I rarely say this about any sandwich but: ditch the cheese, you don’t need it.
The Bottom Line:
One of the most interesting and flavorful chicken sandwiches in all of fast food. The green chili here really brings something fresh and interesting to the fast food space.
3. Chick-fil-A — Grilled Chicken Club Sandwich With Pepper Jack Cheese
Chick-fil-A
Tasting Notes:
The fact that this sandwich exists makes Chick-fil-A’s other grilled chicken sandwich just seem sad in comparison. Joining the tender lemon and herb-marinated chicken are a few strips of smokey bacon, and a layer of cheese (your choice of Colby Jack, American, or Pepper Jack). My suggestion is the pepper jack — it’s creamy, slightly sweet, and adds a small kick of spice to this already delicious medley of flavors.
Like all Chick-fil-A sandwiches, this thing comes sauceless, which is fine. It’s delicious even without sauce, but Chick-fil-A suggests you eat this with some Honey Roasted BBQ and we agree — it strengthens the smokey notes of the bacon and pairs excellently with the citrus-marinated flavor of the meat. I’m going to suggest you try it with Polynesian as well. The Polynesian adds a touch of sweet and sour flavors that help to take your taste buds on a journey, and that’s what good fast food should do.
The Bottom Line:
Hands down, Chick-fil-A’s chicken filet is the best in all of fast food. If you’re looking for the best chicken, this is your sandwich. But if you’d like something a bit more inventive, there are two more sandwiches we think you should try.
Grilled chicken is marketed as a healthier fast food option, and smartly so, but Panera’s Spicy Take chicken sandwich looks at that marketing, and goes in the exact opposite direction. Guess what? It works! Featuring a seasoned and seared chicken doused in a spicy buffalo sauce, this sandwich sports a double smearing of garlic aioli and a layer of thin cut crispy fried pickles. The result is an explosion of flavor that shifts from spicy and sweet, to floral and rich, with an earthy tang and a satisfying crunch.
This sandwich is executed perfectly and on top of that, you have the opportunity to add bacon and avocado. If that came stock on the sandwich, forget it, this easily gets the number one spot, but it doesn’t, so we have to give the crown to the same sandwich we gave it to back in 2021.
The Bottom Line:
A must order, we never thought we’d say this but: get to a Panera as quickly as possible and try this sandwich!
The Habit absolutely nails its chicken sandwich. There is an attention to craft here that the other sandwiches on this list just can’t match. The chicken is hand-filleted, offering something that isn’t quite as thick as the other filleted breasts on this list, meaning the chicken is juicer and more tender. It’s well-marinated and perfectly seasoned, offering hints of bright lemon and earthy black pepper with each bite.
The idea of a thinner piece of chicken might not sound great to you, I get that, but remember that attention to craft I was talking about? The Habit anticipated that and added a layer of crispy bacon to the sandwich, which more than makes up for the thinner cut of meat, and on top of all of that, is a layer of freshly cut seasoned avocado, adding a creamy butteriness to this sandwich in both flavor and texture. It is sandwich perfection!
The sandwich has mayo on it too, just to make sure it doesn’t come across as too dry, but it doesn’t need it at all, so if you’re looking to cut calories, look there! Everything in this sandwich is absolutely on point, and then it’s served on some of the best, airy but chewy perfectly toasted sourdough in all of fast food.
Let me make one thing clear — I think The Habit makes mid-tier burgers, so if you share that view and you’re reading this thinking “this can’t be possible,” trust me: try the sandwich, it’ll change your mind.
The Bottom Line:
The only fast food restaurant where the grilled chicken sandwich is better than both the burger and fried chicken sandwich. This is fast food’s greatest chicken sandwich, easily.
Steven Seagal’s love affair with Russia is no secret, and that goes right along with his love of eating carrots next to dictators. Fame can take people weird places, but with Seagal, it’s now taken him long past his bromance with Vladimir Putin — as seen above in 2013 while visiting a KGB-training facility that includes martial arts — to throwing his own weight behind a martial arts studio in Moscow to purportedly train Russian soldiers.
Newsweek detailed the ribbon-cutting ceremony at the Typhoon All-Russian Aikido Center, which will help prepare prospective military recruits because I guess they need to do aikido on the battlefield? No telling, but Newsweek relays Seagal’s TASS-reported declaration: “The young athletes that I saw today have a very great potential. We need to open more such centers in order to develop it. It is important that the development of aikido proceed at a faster pace.”
Now Ukraine is getting in with some roasting about Seagal’s much-dragged running style. An actual tweet from Ukraine’s Defense Ministry:
“It’s been reported that russia has recruited Steven Seagal to teach martial arts to its soldiers,” the ministry tweeted. “Rumor has it that the Seagal-style running technique will be included in the training. russian soldiers will now be able to run away from their positions with weird hand motions.”
Earlier this year, Seagal also participated in some hefty propaganda aired on Russian State TV and even appeared to be (although authentication never definitively arrived) possibly filming from occupied Ukraine while a Russian TV host, Vladimir Solovyov, reported that Seagal had “personally examined” rocket fragments while filming a documentary.
Compared to that mess, lending his presence to a martial arts school in Russia is almost tame. And it’s no wonder that Joe Rogan fell for a fake story about Seagal physically fighting in Ukraine with the Russian army. Hard to tell fact from reality with this one.
The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.
ITEM NUMBER ONE – Think about this
Are you guys watching Shrinking? I hope so. Man, that’s a good show. It comes from the Ted Lasso / Scrubs brain trust and stars Jason Segel as a psychologist who is going through… kind of a lot, actually. It’s sweet and sad and really funny in places and it’s pretty much exactly the kind of show I find myself digging lately: People who are all going through something and leaning on each other to move forward. That’s good. It’s also nice because it’s a reminder that even your therapist has a personal life and is probably just trying to do the best they can out there, too. Oh, and it co-stars Harrison Ford. He plays a cranky therapist in the office who rests his glasses on his forehead a lot in defiance of the law of gravity. I probably should have pushed this part up higher in the paragraph, I guess, but I did write about it just last week. I’m doing the best I can, too.
But that’s not the point. It’s kind of the point. But not, like, the point. The point is that the show also co-stars — in addition to Ted McGinley and Christa Miller and a bunch of other faces you might recognize from other sitcoms you liked — Jessica Williams, an actress and comedian who you probably know from The Daily Show and/or the show 2 Dope Queens. And she is absolutely killing it. Just crushing. The funniest part of the show, for sure, and a barrel of charisma that pops off the screen. Here she is explaining to Kelly Clarkson how much fun it is to say “panties’ to Harrison Ford.
It’s great. Like I said, there are moments where this sucker gets a little heavy. There are dead spouses and scary medical conditions and estranged children and people with felonies related to combat-induced PTSD. Things get real out there sometimes. But it’s also a good hang. Sometimes people are just drinking wine in the yard and Jessica Williams is talking a little shit. Sometimes Harrison Ford and Jessica Williams do carpool karaoke to Sugar Ray. Yes, I posted this video the last time I wrote about this show but I’m doing it again anyway. I might do it every time I write about the show. Or just for no reason. It’s really very good.
Which brings me back to the important thing. Do you realize what is happening here? Do you realize what kind of ridiculous degree of difficulty there is to steal scenes and be the best part of a show that co-stars freaking Indiana Jones? That’s honestly kind of incredible, especially when you consider that I went with Indiana Jones there when I could have just as easily gone with “Han Solo” or “the fugitive from The Fugitive” or about five of his other roles. She is so good on this show. Somebody needed to say that. This is me saying it. We are all accomplishing a lot today.
In conclusion:
Jessica Williams is a star and should get way more opportunists to show that
I think you would like Shrinking, which drops its season one finale, uh… today
I would like to see Jessica Williams and Harrison Ford perform “Shoop” by Salt N Pepa next
Thank you.
ITEM NUMBER TWO – This is a good idea, Brian Cox
HBO
Succession returns for a fourth and final season this Sunday, which is a real Good News, Bad News situation, as I kind of explained in my review of the first few episodes earlier in the week. I’m pretty conflicted about it all, honestly. I can’t wait for it to be back dominating the pop culture discussion and I’m glad it’s not overstaying its welcome like some shows that are still on the air in defiance of good sense and I’m excited to see how it wraps the whole burrito up, but I’m also suuuuuuper bummed that I’m going to run out of new episodes to watch in a few months. It’s a real problem. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Let’s move on.
The cast of the show has been out making the rounds for a press tour and the fancy red-carpet premiere, which is fun for a bunch of reasons. It’s fun because it’s nice to see everyone all dressed up and having a good time. It’s fun because everyone asks Brian Cox about Jeremy Strong’s Method acting and he grumbles through an answer about how much the whole thing annoys him. And it’s fun because everyone asks the cast about potential spinoffs. Which is what is happening………. here.
Another big conversation on the carpet was that of possible spinoffs, and though Cox admitted that he doubts Armstrong would do another show about any of the characters, he joked, “I suppose Greg really would be the natural spinoff, ‘the life of an idiot’ would be an interesting thing — a tall idiot at that.”
Snook had similar thoughts, pitching, “Tom and Greg, some sort of half-hour comedy setting up the head office in Vancouver, Canadian outpost,” though Braun said, “You’d have to drop Tom and Greg into some weird world, drop them into the Philippines or something, drop them into some crazy weird micro-business world we never saw in the show. That’s the way.”
These are somehow the most obvious ideas (EVERYBODY LOVES GREG) and the best ones (I WOULD WATCH THESE) and also just very bad/dangerous. There’s a real chance a whole show about Greg wouldn’t work for the same reason you don’t eat a bag of potato chips at dinner. He might be best as a little snack between meals, you know? Don’t get me wrong: I think Greg is a blast and there’s definitely more story to tell there, but also… maybe I also want a chicken breast or a crab cake or even some vegetables. I don’t know. I went and mad myself all conflicted again. And hungry. This will not do.
I need a palate cleanser. Something silly and fun that will not send me tailspinning into crisis. Some like… oh, I don’t know. Something like the cast and crew of Succession all dancing and singing along to “Call Me Maybe.” But I don’t think that’s a very reasonable thing to ask f-…
the cast of succession dancing to call me maybe by carly rae jepsen is the best thing you’ll see todaypic.twitter.com/WYk4AoguBk
Okay, yes. This will work. I feel much better now.
ITEM NUMBER THREE – A quick story about John Wick’s dog
LIONSGATE
Okay, quick personal story, which I am sharing this week only because John Wick 4 is out this weekend and also because I really want to tell it. Both equally important.
Last year, for my birthday, my coworker Kimberly Ricci sent me a John Wick Funko because I apparently talk about John Wick in the work chat so much that she knew it would be a good gift. (It was.) The Funko came in two parts: One, John himself; and two, a little doggie to go next to him. I keep them on the bookshelf behind my desk. Here they are:
BRIAN GRUBB
I tell people I put them there so my friends know they have to return the books they borrow. Because John and the dog will get them if not. I find this much funnier than anyone else in the world. I feel okay about it.
Anyway, about three or four months ago, I bumped into the shelf with my wheelchair and the dog went tumbling off. But it wasn’t on the floor. Anywhere. I looked all over, multiple times. I was so confused. And, like, scared, a little, if only because we are now four whole movies into finding out what happens when you mess with John Wick’s dog. I would turn around and look at him on the shelf and kind of freak out a little. The face… isn’t… angrier… is it? That I lost his dog? Am I sure that’s a fake gun? I’ve seen the Toy Story movies. I’ve seen toys come to life in character. I know how this goes.
Time passed. Weeks. No sign of the dog. Then one day I was getting into my van after a haircut and looked down and… the dog was there. On the floor of my van. After not being there when I got into it before the appointment, or at all for the whole time it was lost. It left me legitimately shaken. How? How did the dog get from my shelf to my car? I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I’ve settled on two possibilities:
It landed on the base of my wheelchair way back when it first fell and it stayed there for weeks as I buzzed around my living room and Target and various other places I went, and it just finally bumped loose when I was bonking around on the road on the way to the barber
The dog went on its own little adventure
Both seem equally plausible to me. Happy John Wick weekend, everyone.
ITEM NUMBER FOUR – Shoutout to the Sandman
Getty Image
Adam Sandler is receiving the Mark Twain Prize for Humor tonight. That’s not true, actually. He received it a little while ago. It’s just being shown on television tonight. Either way, it’s pretty wild. Adam Sandler, the dude who was synonymous with juvenile potty humor for a few decades, is receiving our nation’s highest award for comedy. I like it. Sandler has always seemed like an extremely good dude to me, one who does his thing and tries to entertain the public at an almost relentless clip, even if some snotty critic-types have poo-pooed his work. That’s important, too. There are fart and poop jokes in Shakespeare’s finest works. It’s okay to chill out a little sometimes.
It doesn’t hurt that he also pops up in a more serious role to remind everyone that he’s super-talented. Uncut Gems, Punch-Drunk Love, etc. A lot of this was covered in a much more thorough way in this recent big sit-down profile in the Washington Post, which is itself weird because Sandler never does those, for reasons explained in the aforementioned big sit-down profile. It’s a good read. Check it out if you haven’t. I just want to talk about this part of it.
On a recent Friday afternoon, the bearded Sandler enters the room with a slight limp courtesy of hip replacement surgery he had in the fall. A few days earlier, he was in Boston, helping Sadie look at colleges. The next day he’ll go to the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards with his daughters who will watch him receive the King of Comedy Award and submit to the inevitable sliming. (Sandler is the first person to receive the top comedy honors from Nickelodeon and the Kennedy Center, let alone receive them in the same month.)
Did you see it? Did you see that last sentence in the parentheses? That might be the best encapsulation of Sandler’s career ever written. It’s true, too. That’s him getting slimed at the ceremony in the image at the top of this section. I find this incredibly cool. It also made me picture other Mark Twain prize winners getting slimed. David Letterman, Steve Martin, Whoopi Goldberg, etc. A fun little mental exercise.
It was also, to no one’s surprise, not the first time Sandler has been involved in a sliming. Here he is getting doused in 2019.
Here he is blasting Josh Gad with a slime cannon in 2015.
Talk about a life well lived, you know? Critical success, love of the masses, respect from your peers, prestigious awards named after iconic writers, and multiple slimings. Not many have done it better. Good for the Sandman.
ITEM NUMBER FIVE – Everything you know is a lie
Getty Image
There’s a new interview with Guy Fieri in the Wall Street Journal, which is, I respect, a startling way to begin a paragraph, but it’s true. They ask him all sorts of stuff. Which is cool! Fieri is kind of like Sandler, in a way, in that they’re both Good Dudes who love doing things for the people. Guy Fieri drives around the country shining a spotlight on independent local eateries and once presided over a mass wedding of 100 gay couples right after California made it all legal. Again, Good Dude.
And I would gladly talk about that all day long if it wasn’t for this blockquote that shook me all the way to my core.
How many bowling shirts do you own?
I don’t think I even own one. You want to hear how that story started? I get a call to do “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,” and they said, “Bring a short-sleeved collared shirt.” I’m pretty much a T-shirt-and-jeans guy. Shorts. Flip-flops. I’m not a real fashion icon. I had this one Dickies work shirt that was gray on the sides and had a dark gray panel in the center. When the show got picked up, that’s what I had worn in the pilot. They go, “That’s the wardrobe.”
WHAT
BUT I…
THIS DOESN’T…
HE ALWAYS…
I…
I…
I will need the rest of the weekend to contemplate this. It’s like finding out Santa isn’t real. Or that he wears jeans and t-shirts. I guess that’s the better analogy. And it allows me to link to this thing I wrote a few years ago, which I still stand by today. So, not a total loss. But still.
READER MAIL
If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at brian.grubb@uproxx.com (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.
From Joseph:
Dude. I’m sure 100 people have told you this already but please tell me you saw Ken Jennings doing the NoHo Hank voice on Jeopardy. I saw it and thought of you immediately. Please take this as a compliment and not the ravings of a weirdo.
Now we just need questions about Cousin Greg and James Wolk slapping a military officer while shouting “WHERE’S THE SLOTH?” I would really like to hear Mayim Bialik shout that.
A few notes here:
I can always tell an email is going to be a good one when it starts with “dude”
This was, in fact, a good one
So many people told me about this, including Rolling Stone chief TV critic (and my former podcast partner) Alan Sepinwall, who texted me on Friday night as soon as it happened, which was all very sweet and funny and makes me feel better about what I’m doing here than all the fancy accolades in the world
I still would like some fancy accolades, if that’s on the table
Thanks, buddy. Here’s the video for everyone who missed it.
The bags stowed in the Dutch port city of Rotterdam were supposed to contain 54 metric tons of nickel. When the warehouse operator weighed the sacks, it found stones.
Well… that doesn’t seem ideal.
The missing nickel, disclosed today by the London Metal Exchange, is a blow for the exchange at a delicate time. It’s also a black eye for the nickel market, which has become the problem child of the metals industry just as demand for the silvery metal is shooting higher among EV makers.
I’m sorry but you simply cannot publish information like “nickel has become the problem child of the metals industry” without me zipping off into Daydream City for an hour with images of a bag of nickel wearing a leather jacket and throwing a house party when its parents are away while the more responsible older siblings Gold and Silver look on with disapproval. That’s just what’s going to happen. And it did. It’s happening again now, a little bit. Titanium shows up with a keg. Cobalt jumps naked into the pool. Platinum crashes his BMW into a tree but gets away with it because his dad knows the District Attorney. Everyone bolts when Copper shows up with the bubble lights flashing. I could do this all day. I won’t, but I could.
The amount of metal in question is relatively small. Nine lots, or 54 metric tons, would be valued at $1.3 million at current prices. That’s just over 0.1% of all the nickel deposited at LME warehouses and “on warrant”—or available to be delivered against exchange contracts.
I do not know exactly why or how 54 metric tons of nickel got replaced with stones, but my suspicions are either a) that someone switched them out in a nickel heist, which is hilarious when you think of the amount of work that would go into moving 54 tons of anything; and b) someone scammed them from the jump and gave them stones after they paid for nickel.
Either way, I would watch a 10-episode docuseries about it.
The LME said the company that thought it owned nickel had been informed, though it didn’t name it. The exchange asked all warehouses to check their nickel stores, and said it is working with the operator to find out what went wrong,
Please check your nickel warehouses this weekend. There could be a metal bandit on the loose. You can’t be too careful.
But before that, we dive into how the battle between The Cure and Ticketmaster assess the pioneering goth-rockers’ robust popularity on the road in 2023. We also discuss the utility of SXSW in terms of breaking bands and whether an artist can actually “quiet quit” on stage or if that’s just a fancy way of saying that you stunk up the joint. Finally, there’s a discussion of my recent column about the best debut albums ever, in which Ian tells me which ones I missed.
In Recommendation Corner, I talk up the new EP by power pop punkers Dazy, OTHERBODY, while Ian stumps for Hua Hsu’s hit memoir Stay True.
New episodes of Indiecast drop every Friday. Listen to Episode 131 here or below and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. You can submit questions for Steve and Ian at indiecastmailbag@gmail.com, and make sure to follow us on Instagram and Twitter for all the latest news. We also recently launched a visualizer for our favorite Indiecast moments. Check those out here.
Tucker Carlson‘s perpetually confused face is his signature move at this point, so The Daily Show had a little fun with what happens behind-the-scenes to make the scandalized Fox News host look so constantly befuddled. In a new sketch titled, “Tucker Carlson’s Face Coach,” Michael Kosta plays Gavin Bancroft, the secret architect of Tucker’s nightly expressions.
“If you’ve ever seen Tucker looking like a groom that pooped himself at the altar or a scandalized baked potato, well, then you’ve seen my work,” Bancroft says before giving Carlson instructions. “All right, Tucker, gaze into the camera like you’re a 10-year-old watching a cow give birth.”
According to Bancroft, “it’s actually a lot of hard work” because, contrary to popular belief, Carlson wasn’t “born with a face that looks like an inbred boat shoe.” That said, Bancroft relishes his job as Carlson’s face coach:
It’s such a treat for me to get to work with Tucker. He’s got all the attributes a face coach could want, a 40-pound skull, a natural mouth-breather, the haircut of a drunk lacrosse dad. It’s a face that’s just made to tell old people that Abbott Elementary is critical race theory.
Of course, it also helps that Carlson comes into work knowing the assignment.
“At the end of the day, Tucker knows where his bread is buttered,” Bancroft reveals. “And that’s looking like Frankenstein walked in on his parents having sex.”
Latin music stars Rosalía and Rauw Alejandro are officially engaged. Nearly two weeks ago, the pair fulfill a promise they made to fans in the past to collaborate on a joint project. Apparently, the three-track EP RR, which is out today, was only the beginning of a more permanent grouping.
The love birds used the release of their latest single from the project, “Beso,” and its accompanying visual to break the news of their engagement to fans. In the video, the recording artist lets viewers into an intimate vacation in the snowy mountains, which look eerily familiar to the same scenery surrounding the home they rented during their Christmas vacation in Japan.
Rosalía and Rauw Alejandro announce they’re engaged in the music video for their new collaborative single “Beso.” pic.twitter.com/JMyeA00D27
Rosalía sings the romantic chorus, which roughly translates to, “Now I need another kiss / One of those that you give me / Being away from you is hell / Being close to you is my peace / And I love whenever you arrive / And I hate when you’re leaving / I’m going with you to kill / Don’t leave me alone, where are you going, where are you going?”
Alejandro echoes her sentiments in his verse, saying, “We’re already alone, and all my feelings don’t fit in this pen / Hey, how to tell you? / You are the infinite exponent / The moon is too small for you / And even though it is far away, you are the person closest to me / If my cell phone is going to go off, I’ll just let you know too / If there was another life, I drank of your waters / I owe you my being.”
The video ends with a teary Rosalía showing off a diamond ring. Alejandro also shared a congratulatory message he and Rosalía got from Cardi B on his Instagram Story.
Fans of the pair were over the moon to hear about the engagement, taking to social media to shower the musicians with well wishes and congratulatory notes.
Omg I’m so proud of them, motomami & motopapi indeed!
— steven ❀ // die for you remix era 🙂 (@arianaunext) March 24, 2023
Some couples have great meet-cute stories to tell at parties. It’s a pretty safe bet, though, that if it were a competition, no one would be able to top Teyana Taylor and Iman Shumpert‘s tale, which involves Justin Bieber, celebrity basketball, and Spike Tee’s stellar defensive instincts.
Taylor recounted the thrilling yarn during her appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Thursday night to promote her new movie A Thousand And One, which apparently has a 100 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes. After she recalled her first meeting with Beyoncé (to teach her the Chicken Noodle Soup dance), Kimmel pulled out a photo of Taylor with Justin Bieber that was taken during a celebrity basketball game. In it, Bieber’s dribbling while being chased by Taylor, both grimacing from the effort.
“I was on his ass,” Taylor joked. “He was kinda showing off ’cause he knew he was good. I said, ‘Oh yeah? Aight, bet.’… But that was the very moment that my husband fell in love with me. He’s like, ‘Who is that girl? Her defense is on point!’” She said the similarity between them — Shumpert was known as a defensive specialist during his NBA days — got his attention but she made his pursuit… well, interesting.
“Even though he was feeling [me] this day, he didn’t get me that day!” she proclaimed. She explained, though, that it was three years before she agreed to go out with him. He remained persistent and they became friends and business partners (Taylor took on Shumpert as a styling client), but after getting to know him — and see him with his shirt off — they fell in love.
WARNING: this post contains spoilers for John Wick: Chapter 4
John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum had a thrilling enough ending that a fourth John Wick movie was not only inevitable, it was also needed. But the question of “why” John Wick: Chapter 4 needed to happen is something that star Keanu Reeves and director Chad Stahelski took seriously. If you’ve seen the film — and I hope you have, because spoilers are coming — you know the answer.
“We had the opportunity [to do another film] because the audience [response to] Chapter 3, and we were like, ‘What was the Why?’” Reeves said following Chapter 4‘s South by Southwest premiere. “And when Chad and I was talking, the ‘Why?’ was death — and it was John Wick’s death. For him to get his peace, or freedom, in a way… That was the reason to make the movie. It can’t just be, ‘Let’s do another one.’ It was really about death, or a way of dying.”
Stahelski added, “We kind of took the way of dying — or the way we live well to die well — as the theme.”
John Wick’s death was, perhaps unsurprisingly, Reeves’ favorite scene in the movie. “When he says, ‘Helen.’ That, for me, after like eight years of playing the role and after shooting the [massive fight on the other set of stairs], that part that was [a poignant link] to the past,” he said. John Wick: Chapter 4 also potentially sets up the John Wick-less future of John Wick, too.
Robert Smith spoke up about it at length, unleashing his frustration on social media. Now, fellow legendary musician Neil Young took to his website to discuss the issue, making a detailed post about the situation. He wrote:
“TICKETMASTER FEES at 30%. It’s over. The old days are gone. I get letters blaming me for $3,000.00 tickets for a benefit I am doing. That money does not go to me or the benefit. Artists have to worry about ripped off fans blaming them for Ticketmaster add-ons and scalpers. CONCERT TOURS are no longer fun. CONCERT TOURS not what they were. – ny.”
His post also shares an article written about The Cure’s situation.
Meanwhile, Young has been hesitant to perform live since the pandemic. A few weeks ago, he made an unannounced appearance at the United For Old Growth march and rally in Victoria, Canada. Last summer, he announced he wouldn’t be performing at Farm Aid, saying, “I will not be at Farmaid this year. I am not ready for that yet. I don’t think it is safe in the pandemic. I miss it very much.”
Neil Young is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.
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