Category: Viral

Apple Music is looking to take over the No. 1 slot amongst music streaming applications. However, while the platform has begun to fight back against its competitor Spotify’s annual Spotify Wrapped user-generated data feature, with Apple Music Replay, it still lags tremendously.

Their newest feature, Apple Music Sing, may be the unique feature to push the application into the top spot. Launched earlier this month, the feature allows users to create an immersive experience with their favorite songs’ lyrics and instrumentals across on the iPhone. The volume of the song’s lyrics can even be adjusted to fit the delivery mode.

Now that the feature has officially rolled out across all Apple devices, users can use Apple Music Sign on an iPad, but there are just a few stipulations. Just as the feature is only accessible on iPhone 11 or newer phone models, Apple Music Sing can only be accessed on iPad 9, iPad 10, iPad mini 6, iPad Air 4, iPad Air 5, and M1, M2, and iPad Pro models.

To turn on Apple Music Sign on an iPad, follow these steps:

• Confirm your iPad is one of the following models: iPad 9, iPad 10, iPad mini 6, iPad Air 4, iPad Air 5, and M1, M2, and iPad Pro models.
• Once confirmed, in your device settings, confirm your device software is updated to at least OS/iPadOS version 16.2.
• Ensure your Apple Music subscription is active. Unfortunately, Apple Music Sign is unavailable on the “Voice” plan.
• Open the “Music” app.
• Within the app, select the song of your choice. Eligible songs can be found in the “Sing” section’s “Search” tab.
• Choose your preferred song.
• In the bottom left-hand corner of the screen, select the “Lyrics” button.
• The screen should display a “beat-by-beat” lyrics view with the “Sing” button hovering in the bottom right-hand corner. Unfortunately, if you do not see this on your iPad’s screen, your selected song isn’t supported by the Apple Music Sign feature.

Now that the wait is over and SZA’s SOS was finally released last week, all the sad hotties out there can rejoice. Across the album’s 23 tracks, SZA featured guest appearances from Travis Scott, Don Toliver, and the ghost of Ol’ Dirty Bastard. But it’s her duet with Phoebe Bridgers on “Ghost In The Machine” that came out of left field in the most delightful way possible. Now Bridgers has opened up about how she came to appear on SOS to begin with and how it just happened in a flash.

In an interview with NME that was mainly about her joining Danny Elfman on stage for A Nightmare Before Christmas in concert, the savvy interviewer dropped in a question about working with SZA on “Ghost In The Machine.” “How did that come about?,” NME’s Ali Shutler asked. She replied:

“That record is insane. She just hit me up… she just sent me a DM and it all happened so fast. I wasn’t really really used to that, in the pop world. Because vinyl isn’t so much of a consideration until way later. It’s like, ‘Do you want to be on this record? OK, it’s out next week.’ So it was so recent where I wrote that. Which I really like, I like that turnaround time. Personally, I sit on stuff for so long, it takes me years to make albums, so I like being involved and seeing someone else’s world from [a different] angle.”

Bridgers then punctuated her answer with a lofty statement about her adulation for SZA. “She’s definitely my favorite rapper. She’s so effective and cool. A great hang.” She also called SZA her “favorite rapper.”

A crossover no one was expecting: comedian Nikki Glaser and iconic Chicago indie band Wilco, but it’s here. For Carpool Karaoke: The Series, Glaser joined the band in a vehicle to chat about their music and sing along to songs like “Heavy Metal Drummer.”

The episode is streaming on Apple TV+ now, and a preview shows that it’s worth the watch. Glaser discusses the time she used Wilco as a failed attempt to get a boyfriend: “I became obsessed. I only wore Wilco t-shirts because I wanted to attract a guy and then we would fall in love. Didn’t really happen,” she said. She also touched on her genuine appreciation of the band, saying, “You got feelings out of me when those weren’t really going through my system because I was on a lot of Prozac.”

Another clip posted on Wilco’s Instagram recently sees Glaser and the group exchanging a friendship bracelet. The wholesome scene is then followed by an intense moment of a near-fight with spears that gets Glaser more riled up than the others expected. “Poor John… almost getting stabbed,” one user commented. Another commented on how unexpectedly good Jeff Tweedy is at acting — someone get this man in a movie.

Watch the trailer above and the Instagram clip below.

Last week, Ben Gibbard came through with some major news: The Postal Service is reuniting for a joint tour with Death Cab For Cutie in 2023. The trek is in celebration of both groups’ 2003 albums, Give Up and Transatlanticism. Given that The Postal Service doesn’t get together often, this excited music fans and in some areas, tickets told out quickly. So, the bands are meeting the demand by adding additional shows to their trek.

The tour now starts in Washington, DC on September 5 and additional dates have been added in New York, Seattle, Berkeley, and Los Angeles. Ticket information is available here.

Gibbard previously said, “I know for a fact I will never have a year again like 2003. The Postal Service record came out, Transatlanticism came out. These two records will be on my tombstone, and I’m totally fine with that. I’ve never had a more creatively inspired year.”

Check out the full expanded list of dates below.

09/05/2023 — Washington, DC @ The Anthem
09/08/2023 — Portland, ME @ Cross Insurance Arena
09/09/2023 — Kingston, RI @ The Ryan Center
09/10/2023 — New Haven, CT @ Westville Music Bowl
09/12/2023 — Boston, MA @ MGM Music Hall At Fenway
09/13/2023 — Boston, MA @ MGM Music Hall At Fenway
09/14/2023 — Washington, DC @ Merriweather Post Pavilion
09/17/2023 — Detroit, MI @ Meadow Brook Amphitheater
09/19/2023 — New York, NY @ Madison Square Garden
09/20/2023 — New York, NY @ Madison Square Garden
09/21/2023 — Philadelphia, PA @ The Mann Center
09/24/2023 — Minneapolis, MN @ The Armory
09/26/2023 — Denver, CO @ Mission Ballroom
09/27/2023 — Denver, CO @ Mission Ballroom
10/03/2023 — Phoenix, AZ @ Arizona Financial Theatre
10/04/2023 — Las Vegas, NV @ The Theater At Virgin Hotels
10/06/2023 — Seattle, WA @ Climate Pledge Arena
10/07/2023 — Seattle, WA @ Climate Pledge Arena
10/09/2023 — Berkeley, CA @ Greek Theatre
10/10/2023 — Berkeley, CA @ Greek Theatre
10/11/2023 — Berkeley, CA @ Greek Theatre
10/13/2023 — Los Angeles, CA @ Hollywood Bowl
10/15/2023 — Los Angeles, CA @ Hollywood Bowl

Joel Deleōn is continuing to establish himself as a solo artist outside of Latin boy band CNCO with his “IDK Y” video. The Mexican-American singer released the striking video for his new single today (December 16). In an interview with Uproxx, Deleōn opened up his comeback with “IDK Y,” the music that he’s working on, and his relationship with his former bandmates.

Deleōn first rose to prominence as Joel Pimentel in the boy band CNCO. In 2015, Ricky Martin helped put him into the group alongside Richard Camacho, Erick Brian Colón, Zabdiel De Jesús, and Christopher Vélez. After years of success, Deleōn decided to exit the group in May 2021. He launched his solo career later that year with the debut single “La Culpa.” Following the release of his second single “Coco,” Deleōn remained mostly quiet on the music front this past year.

“There’s been a couple of setbacks, but we’re good now,” Deleōn said. “I’ve been up to a lot of music-making. I’ve been in the studio for awhile. Over this time of me being a solo artist for the past year and a half, I’ve met people that I’ve gotten close to and I’ve made really fire music with them. Even though everything has been pushed back, I feel like it all happened for a reason.”

After nearly a year away, Deleōn returned with his alluring single “IDK Y.” He blends pulsating influences of house music with a bit of a rock music edge. Deleōn’s music is more grown as he sings about satisfying all of his lover’s needs. The song also reflects his bicultural upbringing as he sings a few lines in English. It’s definitely Deleōn’s most adventurous release yet.

“Lately I’m an artist that’s willing to risk anything as long as I’m happy and I’m enjoying it,” Deleōn said. “I really want people to catch that with this song. I also want anybody that’s trying to do anything different to feel inspired to do it. At the end of the day, you got to do what makes you happy.”

Deleōn sports some fashion-forward looks in the captivating “IDK Y” video. He actually handled his own styling and hair. As a solo artist, Deleōn is taking more control of his music career in every creative aspect.

“I’m actually very happy to be taking control of almost 100 percent of my project,” he said. “I feel like a lot of people are going to be able to connect with me a whole lot more. It’s going to be a very close connection with fans where they can feel where my creativity comes from. It’s going to be super cool once I get to have a lot more music out.”

Deleōn promises more new music in 2023 with his next four songs already lined-up. The bit of English he sings in “IDK Y” is a tease of a few songs that he has recorded fully in English that he mentioned will be “coming someday too.” For now, he’s proud to embrace his Latinx roots and push Latin pop to new places. Deleōn added that he’s dabbled with R&B, more house music, and reggaeton music in his “own flow” that will be a “surprise” to his fans. There could also some collaborations with his ex-CNCO bandmates now that the band will be breaking up next year.

“I was actually quite surprised because when I was in CNCO, and I had told them that I was going to leave, they were like, ‘What? No! We’re going to stay together for a couple of more years,’” Deleōn said about the band’s impending split. “I know regardless that they’re also going to be very strong, close friends just like I am with them still too. I’m really happy that they’re taking that step and seeing where they can really take their artistry to.”

Deleōn revealed that he has stayed in touch “with all of them.” He’s recently been in contact with Camacho about working on music together. “I already talked with Richard about just going to the studio and just doing some stuff,” he said.

When asked if there could be a CNCO reunion in the future after everyone has had time to pursue solo careers, Deleōn quoted a Justin Bieber classic.

“I think there could be a possibility,” he said. “There could be. Never say never.”

Donald Trump’s “MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT” turned out to be a major grift, to the surprise of no one. “My official Donald Trump Digital Trading Card collection is here! These limited edition cards feature amazing ART of my Life & Career! Collect all of your favorite Trump Digital Trading Cards, very much like a baseball card, but hopefully much more exciting,” the “pathetic” former president wrote on Truth Social on Thursday. The poorly-Photoshopped trading cards can be purchased using a credit card or cryptocurrency, which is rich (or poor), considering Trump’s previous stance on crypto.

“I never loved it [cryptocurrency], because I like to have the dollar. I think the currency should be the dollar,” Trump told Fox News’ Maria Bartiromo last year in a resurfaced interview. “It’s building up bigger and bigger and nobody’s doing anything about it. I know it so well. I want a currency called the dollar. I don’t want to have all these others, and that could be an explosion someday, the likes of which we’ve never seen. It’ll make the big tech explosion look like like baby stuff. I think it’s a very dangerous thing.”

Though NFTs can’t be exchanged or traded like cryptocurrencies such as Bitcoin or Ethereum, the tokens are still considered cryptographic assets since they are created using the same type of blockchain technology programming. In recent years, the market for NFTs has expanded greatly, with digital artwork becoming one of the most popular forms of the tokens.

It’s not dangerous to Trump if he can make it a buck (and call himself better than Lincoln and Washington) from it.

(Via Newsweek)

From 1983 to 1985, more than 1 million people in Ethiopia died from extreme famine. A few months after a BBC report on the famine that triggered the U.K. Band Aid charity single “Do They Know It’s Christmas?,” the biggest stars in the American music industry came together in 1985 to record a charity single to help those suffering in Ethiopia, Sudan and other impoverished African countries.

The collection of entertainers called themselves USA for Africa, and their single, “We Are the World,” sold more than 7 million records worldwide and has generated $60 million over the past 37 years.

The song was written by Lionel Richie and Michael Jackson and produced by Quincy Jones. The vocals were recorded after the American Music Awards in Los Angeles on January 28, 1985, in a single 8 p.m. to 8 a.m session at Hollywood’s A&M Recording Studios.

The list of those who appear on the song is impressive: Dan Aykroyd, Harry Belafonte, Lindsey Buckingham, Kim Carnes, Ray Charles, Bob Dylan, Sheila E., Bob Geldof, Daryl Hall, James Ingram, Jackie Jackson, LaToya Jackson, Marlon Jackson, Michael Jackson, Randy Jackson, Tito Jackson, Al Jarreau, Waylon Jennings, Billy Joel, Cyndi Lauper, Huey Lewis and the News, Mario Cipollina, John Colla, Bill Gibson, Chris Hayes, Sean Hopper, Kenny Loggins, Bette Midler, Willie Nelson, John Oates, Jeffrey Osborne, Steve Perry, The Pointer Sisters, Lionel Richie, Smokey Robinson, Kenny Rogers, Diana Ross, Paul Simon, Bruce Springsteen, Tina Turner, Dionne Warwick and Stevie Wonder.

A video going viral on TikTok shows behind-the-scenes footage of the entertainers singing the song and what’s incredible is just how great their voices are. Even though it’s just a run-through, every one of them sounds pitch-perfect. It’s a great reminder that in 1985, you had to really know how to sing to be a famous singer.

In a post-autotune world, it’s hard to know which singers can actually sing and sadly, not a lot of people care if they can.

When Michael Jackson hits the line, “We’re down and out, there is no hope at all,” in the bridge, it’s spine-tingling. It’s believed that Prince was supposed to appear on the song but didn’t show up at the session, so Huey Lewis got his line.

@musicvarietyclips

Replying to @jhcharcoots more rehearsal footage (notice Lionel “fix” Kenny’s part) #wearetheworld #rehearsal #80s

A funny video from the sessions is always making the rounds on social media. Bob Dylan looks completely out of place in a room full of flashy ’80s celebrities and appears to have no idea what everyone is singing. Dylan’s “mood” in the room has become a universal representation of what it feels like to be part of a group project without having read the book.

u201cCurrent mood: Bob Dylan singing We Are The Worldn#shouldntyoubewriting #phdoggammit #TRENT #trentuniversity @TrentUniversityu201d

— Basilisk (@Basilisk)
1670918460

The USA for Africa project didn’t stop with “We Are the World.” Since 1985, it has raised more than $100 million for people struggling with poverty and malnutrition in Africa and the U.S. It also encouraged many to become an agent of change in their own right.

“‘We Are the World’ motivated millions to become activists in their own way. Their bold, individual and collective power brought change to their communities and beyond. Lives were transformed,” Marcia Thomas, USA for Africa’s executive director said. “Access to food, education, health care and peace became a reality for many who had been left out. ‘We Are the World’ became a movement…your movement. And… it still resonates.”

You might not know the name James Vicary, but odds are you know about his experiment, at least indirectly.

In 1957, the market researcher claimed to have exposed thousands of unsuspecting moviegoers in a New Jersey theater to a series of phrases like “Hungry? Eat Popcorn” and “Drink Coca-Cola” that flashed across the screen in the fraction of a second as they watched a film. These images allegedly increased the sale of popcorn by 57.5% and Coca-Cola by 18.1%, despite passing far too quickly for viewers to consciously notice them.

Vicary’s findings soon became publicized and induced a widespread, decades-long dystopian fear that secret messages lurked beneath the surfaces of our favorite songs, movies and TV shows, insidiously coercing us to do things without conscious consent. Primarily, to buy things we probably don’t actually want.

In an age where we are now inundated with ads, this kind of manipulation understandably feels quite plausible. Especially when you take into consideration those highly sus product promotions that always seem to appear right after having an adjacent conversation about said product. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have suddenly seen ads for washing machines after telling a friend it was “laundry day.”

However, while there is a deeper meaning hiding beneath Vicary’s experiment, it might not be nearly as doomsday-centric as people may think.

In 1962, Vicary revealed that his findings were falsified as a gimmick, having next-to-no supporting evidence. Subsequent researchers would find that, at best, subliminal messaging was effective with already well-known and at least somewhat popular products, and in very strict laboratory conditions. If anything, the discovery of hidden messages were more closely linked to confirmation bias than an uncovered agenda.

But still, the damage had been done, and panic over mental autonomy ensued.

This fear remains so prevalent today that a study published in 2021 revealed that people shared a “remarkable agreement” that their minds are being actively manipulated by supermarkets, car dealerships, political campaigns, scientists and researchers, therapists, and social media, all outside of their conscious awareness or control.

via GIPHY

That said, the topic is not so black and white. Even if companies aren’t sneaking little “eat me, drink me” captions into our newsfeeds, there are a million clever tactics used to get our attention and make us become emotionally invested in their products.

And sure, maybe Coca-Cola isn’t performing Jedi mind tricks on our psyche, but it would be naive to disregard the power that social media holds in terms of its influence. Take a look at how many more young girls today with unbridled access to Instagram report feelings of low body image and depression, if there’s any doubt. Or at how many more conspiracy theorists there are. The way we think might not be controlled by outside forces, but it is certainly impacted by them, especially if we don’t practice awareness and literacy.

via GIPHY

Even if Vicary’s experiment was a hoax, it has illuminated some kernels of truth that remain important, especially as the need to weed out potential misinformation becomes more of a daily necessity. Whether evil corporations want to steal our souls, or we simply want to not live in fear, discernment is key.

Sixty-one years ago, Yuri Gagarin became the first human to make it into space and probably the first to experience what scientists now call the “overview effect.” This change occurs when people see the world from far above and notice that it’s a place where “borders are invisible, where racial, religious and economic strife are nowhere to be seen.”

The overview effect makes man’s squabbles with one another seem incredibly petty and presents the planet as it truly is, one interconnected organism.

In a compelling interview with Big Think, astronaut, author and humanitarian Ron Garan explains how if more of us developed this planetary perspective we could fix much of what ails humanity and the planet.

Garan has spent 178 days in space and traveled more than 71 million miles in 2,842 orbits. From high above, he realized that the planet is a lot more fragile than he thought.

“When I looked out the window of the International Space Station, I saw the paparazzi-like flashes of lightning storms, I saw dancing curtains of auroras that seemed so close it was as if we could reach out and touch them. And I saw the unbelievable thinness of our planet’s atmosphere. In that moment, I was hit with the sobering realization that that paper-thin layer keeps every living thing on our planet alive,” Garan said in the video.

“I saw an iridescent biosphere teeming with life,” he continues. “I didn’t see the economy. But since our human-made systems treat everything, including the very life-support systems of our planet, as the wholly owned subsidiary of the global economy, it’s obvious from the vantage point of space that we’re living a lie.”

It was at that moment he realized that humanity needs to reevaluate its priorities.

“We need to move from thinking economy, society, planet to planet, society, economy. That’s when we’re going to continue our evolutionary process,” he added.

Garan says that we are paying a very “high price” as a civilization for our inability to develop a more planetary perspective and that it’s a big reason why we’re failing to solve many of our problems. Even though our economic activity may improve quality of life on one end, it’s also disasterous for the planet that sustains our lives.

It’s like cutting off our nose to spite our face.

Actor William Shatner had a similar experience to Garan’s when he traveled into space.

“It was among the strongest feelings of grief I have ever encountered,” Shatner wrote. “The contrast between the vicious coldness of space and the warm nurturing of Earth below filled me with overwhelming sadness. Every day, we are confronted with the knowledge of further destruction of Earth at our hands: the extinction of animal species, of flora and fauna … things that took five billion years to evolve, and suddenly we will never see them again because of the interference of mankind.”

“We’re not going to have peace on Earth until we recognize the basic fact of the interrelated structure of all reality,” Garan said.

However dire the situation looks from the surface of Earth, the astronaut has hope that we can collectively evolve in consciousness and wake up and embrace a larger reality. “And when we can evolve beyond a two-dimensional us versus them mindset, and embrace the true multi-dimensional reality of the universe that we live in, that’s when we’re going to no longer be floating in darkness … and it’s a future that we would all want to be a part of. That’s our true calling.”

The Rundown is a weekly column that highlights some of the biggest, weirdest, and most notable events of the week in entertainment. The number of items could vary, as could the subject matter. It will not always make a ton of sense. Some items might not even be about entertainment, to be honest, or from this week. The important thing is that it’s Friday, and we are here to have some fun.

ITEM NUMBER ONE – Everyone loves holiday cheer

Did you watch the Guardians of the Galaxy holiday special? It’s okay if you didn’t. It was fine and cute and I’m only mentioning it here to get to the point I want to make, which is that more big franchises should do holiday specials like this. All of them, if possible. They can be short little one-offs like this or big-budget versions set at the holidays or whatever. I’m not here to tell anyone how to do their jobs. Except for the thing where I’m telling them to do the holiday things. I am definitely telling them to do that. But the specifics of it are in their court. I am a reasonably benevolent king.

I think this all works for a few reasons. One is that, presumably, Christmas exists in all of these various universes and it would be fun to see how characters we’ve watched over multiple movies handle the holidays, which are a big stressful time for everyone and take up something like 10 percent of the year. Just using math alone, odds are that the action in one of the films would take place in December if you make enough of them. So that checks out.

Another reason: It would be fun. Action movies set at Christmas are usually fun. The Die Hards are fun. The Lethal Weapons are fun. Hell, Shane Black has made a whole career out of it, between those and Iron Man 3 and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Let him direct a Fast & Furious movie. Or a Mission: Impossible movie. Or a Magic Mike movie. Especially a Magic Mike movie. Give me a slew of male strippers in Santa hats and have them rob a casino for… actually, I don’t care why. We can say “to raise money to buy toys for orphans around the country” if it makes you feel good and fuzzy, but they could just do it to get rich. Let my greased-up boys thrive.

The John Wick franchise might be the one best suited for a holiday movie, actually, if only because of the loss he dealt with in the first one. The holidays can be hard, man. It makes you think about people you’ve loved that aren’t around anymore. People like, to choose an example at random, the wife who passed away and left you an adorable little puppy to keep you company that was then killed by freaking Theon from Game of Thrones because you wouldn’t sell him your car and then it all sends you on a globe-trotting revenge spree that eventually features Halle Berry. So… that could work.

Or just get weird with it. Have Santa’s sleigh break and force Ludacris and Tyrese into action in that NoS-powered Pontiac they took to outer space in F9. Have someone take Santa hostage and send Ethan Hunt to the North Pole to liberate him. Make an Indiana Jones movie where Harrison Ford has to find the scene of the actual Nativity. Make a Knives Out where a reindeer gets murdered and Daniel Craig has to figure out who did it. Maybe not that last one. Or maybe definitely that last one. Let’s see how this all plays out.

This brings us to the final reason we should do it, which is that I would like it. A lot. Even the stupid ones would be fun. Do them as cartoons and make them 30 minutes long and fling them on a streaming service tomorrow, if it makes it all easier. You can’t expect me to type “Tyrese and Ludacris playing Santa in a flying car” and not spend the next 6-8 months thinking about it.

Give it to me. As a Christmas present. Come on. I’ve been good. Kind of. I’ve been kind of good.

ITEM NUMBER TWO – CAKE RUINED

Okay, before we discuss the video up there, which I adore, we need to cover a little background information. This pains me, as context is for nerds and dweebs, but I have chosen this life and must face the consequences. Here we go.

Every year for like a decade now, Tom Cruise has been sending this one specific cake to almost everyone he knows. It’s a whole thing. It’s kind of taken on a life of its own now, with writers asking for and receiving cakes and lots of A-list types gushing on lots of red carpets about how great it is. Here’s the description of it from Goldbelly, where you can order it if you do not know Tom Cruise well enough to get a free one or if you do know him but he hates you so much that you worry the cake he sent you might be poisoned.

The White Chocolate Coconut Cake is Doan’s most famous creation and for good reason. They start with a ring of moist, luxurious coconut bundt cake, mix in chunks of sweet white chocolate, layer on rich cream cheese frosting, and then dust it all over with toasted coconut flakes. The result is a delicious, pillowy cake good enough to derail the strictest Hollywood diets.

Despite its worldwide renown (Doan’s Bakery is a favorite among Hollywood’s A-listers), this California bakery is still a family-owned and operated business, with a single location in Woodland Hills, California. Founded by Karen Doan in 1984, the bakery to the stars is now run by Karen and her son Eric, who bake all sorts of cakes together, including this beloved signature.

I do not super love white chocolate or coconut and would probably prefer a chocolate chip pecan pie — Tom, if you are reading, please consider — but good for everyone involved, especially the Doan family, which really hit the jackpot with this one.

This is all the context I am going to give. Feel free to Google or click here or here if you need to know more about cakes that Tom Cruise likes. I just said all of this so I could make three points:

• Imagine being the Doan family the first year Tom did this and you suddenly get an order for like 100 of the exact same cake that you are supposed to ship to like “Jimmy Fallon” and “Ellen Degeneres” and a bunch of other very famous people
• There would definitely be a little voice in your gear that would think it’s for sure a prank and would tell you not to fill the order, which would turn out to be the worst financial decision you ever make
• It is funny in ways I cannot articulate that Michael Bay’s cake showed up all mangled inside the box and he chose to go online and complain about the FedEx of it all when he could have just placed his own order for replacement cake with a very small portion of the many millions of dollars he has

I love it. More than I would love the cake, I bet. Not as much as I would love the pie. Merry Christmas to me.

ITEM NUMBER THREE – This is now the second-best discussion about mind-altering drugs on Late Night With Seth Meyers

A few weeks back, White Lotus star Meghan Fahy went on Seth Meyers’ show and told a funny little story about the time she and her co-star Aubrey Plaza went hiking in Hawaii and got lost. It was a perfect talk show story in that it was entertaining in the moment and a little humanizing and absolutely no one remembered it as quickly as five minutes after it happened. Nobody except Aubrey Plaza, that is. Who went on the show this week. And revealed the reason they got lost. Which was that they were tripping balls on mushrooms.

There are a bunch of things we can take away from this story. The main one is that you should not tell Aubrey Plaza a secret because she will tell Seth Meyers and everyone else who will listen. Another one is that maybe you should not do mushrooms and then go on a hike on an unfamiliar island. Or maybe that you should do that. I don’t know. I guess that one is more up to you and whether you consider “getting lost in Hawaii while tripping on psychedelics” to be a good way to spend an afternoon. It doesn’t seem like fun to me. I would probably just stay at the resort and drink a mai tai or two. But again, your call. Not here to judge.

Anyway, the real reason I’m telling you all of this is that I wanted to post this video again…

… and it felt like a reasonably good excuse to do that. I’ve posted that video a million times since I first saw it seven years ago. I’ll probably post it a bunch more. The twist halfway through is a blast. Vanessa Bayer is the greatest. Get her in the next season of The White Lotus. Send her and Edi Patterson and maybe Sam Richardson to a fancy ski chalet in the Alps and let them solve or maybe commit murder.

Thank you.

ITEM NUMBER FOUR – … Okay

What we have here is a teaser for an upcoming show on TLC titled MILF Manor. This is important not because the show has any cultural value to speak of, but because it is the payoff of a joke 30 Rock made over a decade ago. It is really kind of funny, in a “laugh while you circle around in the toilet bowl” kind of way. We all really went ahead and made MILF Island and put it on a cable network whose initials once stood for The Learning Channel. Explain this to one of your grandparents over the holidays. Explain it to your most judgmental aunt. It’ll be fun. Be your own agent of chaos this year.

People broke down the trailer a little bit, which was nice because I can just blockquote them instead of transcribing this mess, so let’s do that…

The women include a competitive 47-year-old fitness studio owner from Mexico currently living in Miami, a spontaneous 50-year-old “disco mommy” from Orange County, a 44-year-old Jersey girl who’s relocated to Los Angeles, a 59-year-old fitness instructor and singer from L.A. and a 50-year-old event planner who used to be a B-Girl back in the day.

Hmm. This might almost be a better show without the dating aspect. Just put these people on an island and let them run amok. Worth considering.

“Life has given me some curveballs,” one hopeful says at the beginning of the teaser. Another declares, “It’s my time to find love.”

Good for you, lady.

One woman explains her reasons for going on the show: “I was married for 14 years. I want to get a chance to do me a little.”

On a show called MILF Manor.

Everyone is doing great!

Given their age range from 40 to 60 years old, the women have the advantage of years of relationship experience to leverage as they try to find a lasting connection with men who happen to be younger.

“Young men have much more energy,” one lady notes. “They think out of the box. I want that.”

Okay, a few things, also via bullet point, just for efficiency:

• A bunch of people have said this but my position here is that the twist should be that the young men are their own sons, matched up with other women on the island, which is so diabolical and wrong that it now has to happen on another show if it doesn’t happen on this one
• It is wild that this trailer dropped the same week the woman who was the first MILF — Jennifer Coolidge, way back in American Pie — went on a clumsy boat rampage in the season finale of The White Lotus
• It would be funny if the twist is that the island they’re on is Jurassic Park

We lost the FBoys but we gained some MILFs. Let’s call this a wash.

ITEM NUMBER FIVE – Please do this and record it and maybe invite me

Women Talking is a 2022 film from director Sarah Polley that stars people like Claire Foy and Jessie Buckley and Frances McDormand and Rooney Mara and is described as follows: “Women in an isolated religious colony struggle to reconcile with their faith after a series of sexual assaults.”

Jackass Forever is a 2022 film from director Jeff Tremaine that stars (among others) a man named “Poopies” and is described as follows: “Celebrate the joy of a perfectly executed shot to the groin as Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O and the rest of the gang return for another round of hilarious, wildly absurd and often dangerous displays of stunts and comedy.”

On paper and in practice the two films have very little in common. Or rather, they had very little in common. Until this week. When this happened.

I need to see this happen. I need them all to become friends. I need to see Frances McDormand on a jet-powered unicycle and I need to see Chris Pontius in the next Sarah Polley movie. These are my demands.

You have 12 months, Hollywood.

READER MAIL

If you have questions about television, movies, food, local news, weather, or whatever you want, shoot them to me on Twitter or at brian.grubb@uproxx.com (put “RUNDOWN” in the subject line). I am the first writer to ever answer reader mail in a column. Do not look up this last part.

From Aaron:

Here’s the situation.

We’re remaking A Muppet Christmas Carol in 2022. Everything else stays pretty much the same, but we need new human actors. The important one is Scrooge, but we also need new actors to play his nephew and his nephew’s wife. I know you won’t let me down on this one, buddy. What do you got?

Hmm. Pretty good question here. It’s tough to top Michael Caine as Scrooge, though. The man played a cranky old cheapskate perfectly and is still around today, a full 30 years later. Part of me says we should just let him do it again. But I will abide by the rules you provided. This time. Kind of.

Scrooge: Jason Statham or Hugh Grant, in old man makeup. We know Hugh can act with adorable talking fuzzballs because we all saw him In Paddington 2, so that’s a layup. Statham would be fun, though, both because we know he has range after watching Spy and because I like the idea of a take on this story where there’s a constant lingering threat in the air that Scrooge might roundhouse kick Gonzo right out of the frame.

Nephew/Niece: Let’s go with Nicholas Braun and Aubrey Plaza, mostly because I want to see Cousin Greg sing a massively depressing song while wearing a top hat and I want to see what Aubrey Plaza says about the Muppets on various talk shows while promoting it. Maybe she did peyote with Miss Piggy. I would want to know about that. These are reasonable requests.

AND NOW, THE NEWS

To North Carolina!

An overturned tractor-trailer spilled “various meat products,” including hams, along Highway 74 in Monroe on Monday morning, city officials said in a statement.

MEAT SPILL

The truck was going eastbound on Highway 74 and ran a red light at the intersection of John Moore Road and the highway just before 7 a.m., according to the city. It “collided with a vehicle then left the roadway and overturned in a parking lot” just off the highway.

Imagine you’re sitting in an office at 7 a.m. just getting settled in at work and you hear a loud crash and you step outside and the parking lot is absolutely covered in ham. How would you get anything else done that day? I would be sitting at my desk all afternoon just thinking about the hams. Who is going without ham now? Will this make ham more expensive going forward because of a shortage? Are any of the hams still wrapped and in good condition? Can I have the ham? Is there a general legal principle of Finders Keepers when it comes to loose parking lot ham? Does anyone in the office have an omelette pan? Do we even have the other ingredients for an omelette? Do we need to cross our fingers that an egg truck crashes into the parking lot next? If an egg truck crashes, do you think three would survive to make the omelette? Do we have cheese? What if the egg truck slips on the ham and crashes into a cheese truck? And what about some potatoes?

It is a good thing I do not have a desk job.

The Charlotte Observer’s news partner WSOC reported Smithfield hams were among the meats that spilled over into highway in the wake of the collision. The wreck and resulting spill became number 45 on WSOC reporter Joe Bruno’s “Spill Tracker” list of various goods and liquids that have taken a tumble onto local roads in recent years.

Local news is the best news.