Adam Sandler wasn’t nominated for anything at the 2022 Gotham Independent Film Awards (Hubie Halloween was snubbed for a third year in a row), but he still took home a trophy. The Uncut Gems actor accepted the Performer Tribute to honor a career that has been guided by two principles: “People in prison need movies, too, and TBS needs content to show between all those basketball games.”
Sandler claimed that his daughters, Sadie and Sunny, wrote his speech, which he was asked to deliver in “that goofy Southern accent that you always do your dumb speeches in.” He agreed. “Dear well-dressed dignitaries, highly-educated hipsters, and various other plus-ones of The Gotham Awards, thank you for giving our daddy, Mr. Adam Sandler, this prestigious lifetime, all-time, primetime, G.O.A.T. achievement Tribute Award,” he said, sounding like a gravel-voiced Colonel Sanders. “It means a lot to him seeing that most of the awards on his trophy shelf are shaped like popcorn buckets, blimps, or fake mini-Oscars that say ‘Father of the Year’, which he sadly purchased himself while wandering in a self-pitying fog through the head shops of Times Square.”
Sandler then explained why his daughters weren’t in attendance:
“We wish we could be at tonight’s award show with all you sophisticated people, but Daddy said, and we quote, ‘I don’t want to spend the whole night that’s supposed to be about me and my greatness listening to you two newly pubertized buffoons screaming, ‘Where is Timothée Chalamet? And how can we squeeze that fine little Jewish ass of his?’”
You can watch the full speech below.