No Way Jose was one WWE release among many last week, and not a particularly surprising one. After all, he’d barely done anything since he got called up from NXT to Raw in 2018. He was pretty much limited to comedy spots with his conga line and the occasional meaningless match, and never even won the 24/7 Championship.

In a new interview with Wrestletalk, Levis Valenzuela Jr., the man who was No Way Jose, says that he never wanted to have such a silly name in WWE, but was given it in NXT all the same:

The name itself, ha. I don’t know how the hell it happened, they were like “What do you think of No Way Jose?” and I was like “No.” I thought it was a catchphrase, and I was like “Oh cool”… They saw something in film and somehow it came up… [Matt] Bloom was like “What if you want it as a name?” and I was like “No way.” Then a writer came up to me and was like “Why?” and I was like “It will pigeon hole me, there is a ceiling”, all the real stuff in terms of business. Nobody goes in there and says they want to be a No Way Jose probably, they want to be, for me it was The Rock. When I saw The Rock I wanted to be The Rock… We went into Full Sail and I’m walking in and you shake everyone’s hand and Triple H is right there talking to Eva Marie or someone, I’m like “Hey, sir, how you doing?” And he’s like “No Way, what’s going on?” In my head I’m like “shit, is that a thing?” And he goes “Got it approved today, what do you think?” And I said “I love it, let’s go.”

It’s understandable that being a new NXT guy he wouldn’t want to disagree with Triple H about his name in that moment, even if he had previously objected to the name. And then of course he got called up to Raw and became inseparable from his conga line.

They wanted the conga line with me. In NXT, I only did the conga line for big events. I was like “Alright, whatever. I’ll do the conga line,” and then it stuck. I feel a certain way about the conga line. I love the conga line, I absolutely do, but I think that’s the line that maybe held me back a little bit.
At every step of the way, WWE seems to have insisted on making No Way Jose as silly as possible, even though he’s a big muscular, handsome guy. Then, they

immediately seemed to hold it against him that his character was so silly, and never did anything with him. Hopefully Valenzuela can find opportunities elsewhere.

We’re not going to get a docuseries in the style of “The Last Dance” on the 2018-19 Golden State Warriors, but there is still tons of intrigue about the final season for one of the best teams in NBA history. One moment that was looked back on as the potential beginning of the end was when Kevin Durant and Draymond Green had a blow up early in the season, which featured Green challenging Durant during a game by telling him “we don’t need you” and “leave.”

The importance of that moment in Durant’s eventual decision to leave is unknown, but it was certainly a huge deal when it happened. In recent days, Green has discussed that group’s final year together, first in an appearance on WRTS: After Party where he discussed the circus around last season.

More recently, Green appeared on All The Smoke with Matt Barnes and Stephen Jackson. As candid as ever, the All-Star forward made it clear that if Durant wanted to stick around, and Green was the problem, all Durant needed to do was make one phone call and Green would have been sent out.

“Being that he’s a great friend and all of that, this is f*cking Kevin Durant we’re talking about,” Green said. “Like, yeah, I’ve done great things here, but let me tell you this: I know [Warriors GM] Bob [Myers], and if it was such a big deal with Kevin being here and me being here, if Kevin really wanted to be here, all he would’ve done is went and said to Bob, like, ‘Yeah, I’ll stay, but Draymond gotta go.’ And guess what? Bob Myers woulda called me and said, ‘Draymond, I love you, and I won’t trade you to a bad team, but where do you wanna go, cause I’ll help you get to where you wanna go.’ And so, to try to point the finger, say, ‘Oh man, I left because of him,’ like, get the f*ck outta here.”

Green stressed that while their relationship may not be the same as it once was, he still has plenty of love for Durant. Still, Green believes that Durant is the kind of player who has the power to influence these kind of decisions, and finds it telling that he did not do this as a condition to stay in the Bay.

“You ain’t leaving cause of me,” Green said. “You’re f*cking Kevin Durant. If you wanted to be here, I woulda been out if I was the issue. I woulda been long gone. And guess who woulda understood that? I understand that, I understand the business of basketball, I understand how this sh*t works. If Kevin Durant wanna be somewhere, and he don’t want me here, I’m out.”

More than anything, Green seems to be pushing back against a narrative than making any swipes at Durant in the brutally honest way that has become one of his trademarks. Still, this is our latest look inside an absolutely fascinating basketball team, one that accomplished a ton but felt like it could have accomplished much more.

Crimes featured heavily in isolation this week! Art crimes, being a fan of crimes, hair crimes, fashion crimes, literal trespassing crimes, spice crimes, political crimes — name a crime and it is probably here (well, not the worst ones, don’t get weird). Is this all just drumming up intrigue to get you to read on, knowing full well all those crimes could not have happened? Not in Self-ISO?

You tell me, when you CSI: Self-ISO and go over the evidence to see what crimes have transpired here this week.

Dejounte Murray

You know, the thing about life during quar-time is that something you might have otherwise enjoyed in passing can instead become the singularity of your day, your week, your conceivable future. For me, that was San Antonio’s Dejounte Murray sharing a story from the Spurs account of him superimposed over the Ozark logo. Below it, in case you thought that was it, is a pull-quote from Murray confessing his love for crime shows, and that for him? It’s gotta be crime. If you thought THAT was it, you’re a fool!! Because Murray wrote over the story with his own, deeply emphatic and pressing demand that if it’s gonna be anything, it had better, so help you, be crime! It’s Gotta Be Crime!!

Rating: IT’S GOTTA BE CRIME!!

Kyle Kuzma

Yes of course, Kuz’s baby bunny of a puppy, Snoh, continues to thrive, but I am asking for you to direct your attention away from her wiggly butt for just a sec to take in the fact that Kyle Kuzma is one among many this week who, in lieu of the court, has taken to the canvas for relief. From what we can see in this subtle reveal is a painting primarily concerned with the moon in a sky on fire. Volcano? A specific circle of Dante’s hell? We’ll have to wait to hear from the artiste on this one.

Rating: Watch your ass Dwyane Wade!

Aaron Gordon

Another budding member of the NBA’s painting renaissance, you’ll know from these hallowed social media scourings, is Aaron Gordon. Confined to his palace in the swamp, Gordon has been working on a piece for weeks now, and it’s finally finished. A grey, disembodied arm hovers in space, reaching for a (real) rose, while around it, solar flares, or maybe blood? blooms.

Rating: Art is subjective, sure, but look how happy this art’s author is!

Otto Porter Jr.

Otto Porter Jr. joined the painterly post ups this week. He was teased a little bit in the process, first, “What are you, some kind of Boss Ross?” before it was revealed that he was, in fact, watching Bob Ross and painting along to the legend. The next time you’re in an anxiety spiral think of Ross calmly encouraging you to put that rock, that tree, that cloud, wherever the hell you want it. Porter Jr. did and look how happy he became!

He fired up the outdoor jacuzzi and then turned the camera on himself, doing a kind of shrugging little jig.

Rating: Art soothes the soul, so do jacuzzis, but art seems more readily accessible.

Bradley Beal (with an assist by Jimmy Butler)

In an effort to shame his friends and coworkers, Jimmy Butler mailed basketball hoops to them. Of course, it’s also a really thoughtful gesture, like a kind of “I’m watching you” thoughtful gesture, but a generous one all the same.

Rating: Is it called tampering when Jimmy Butler does it? Or is it just being himself.

LeBron James

Me too, Bron, me too. But “Sunday” is every day and “grooving” is oscillating between accepting time going by in a mostly chill way and wondering how to deconstruct its very meaning as it continues to slip, warp, and absolutely slam dunk on my rational sense of it as a concept.

Rating: Is that big industrial vent looking thing a speaker that makes it sound like you are inside your favourite instrument, playing just for you?

Patrick Beverley

Bev broke out the big bucks and laid it all on the table in a game that, I’m not sure even in isolation people are willing to play for days and days upon end, losing all respect for their families, themselves.

Rating: Safe to say Patrick Beverly is a fan of a reliable and long overdue high speed rail system.

Jordan Clarkson

Clarkson is a huge fan of taking it easy, and taking advice from the experts with utmost respect and grace. This week we saw examples of him doing both, and reminding us all that it’s possible to make bulldogs (upside-down beer in margarita drink) at home, and that’s probably the only place where they won’t be incredibly overpriced.

Rating: Thank you, Jordan.

D’Angelo Russell

Ok so, we know from the past few weeks that Russell has been out on a yacht a few times, cruising around in the ocean. What we have not yet approached is the possibility that Russell might just be living on a boat, at this point? I mean otherwise, a dock just flooded with late-day sunlight is probably not anywhere close, in a proxial sense, to your quarantine.

Rating: This is one mystery I am in no hurry to solve because it remains soothing as all hell.

Paul Millsap

Good god does Paul Millsap continue to do it. Here we see him attempting to learn to do cartwheels “on the [planet emoji]”, a.k.a. earth. Do I miss his forays into magic and the arcane? And I can’t believe I’m admitting this — yes! But what if the real magic of Paul Millsap is just him being himself?

Rating: There’s a real chance that Paul Millsap has learned how to do a cartwheel before you and I did and you know what? It’s the opposite of being ashamed. I feel a deep, humbling joy.

Tobias Harris and T.J. McConnell

Former teammates Harris and McConnell enjoyed a glass of vino together this week — don’t tell LeBron about FaceTime, Zoom, etc. — toasting to each other’s, I’m assuming, very well-rested looking faces and lasting friendship.

Rating: Heartening for us and for their cardiovascular health, according to medical professionals!

Evan Fournier

Evan Fournier, however you feel about him, has a striking look. He just does! Smoldering, even. But this week he decided to do something drastic and the results, I’m not happy to report, aren’t great! He shaved his head in real-time, half at a time. The whole thing, not just the top.

With just the moustache and a little bit of fuzz on top he looked fine! Serge Ibaka, Marc Gasol, some really handsome guys are going with the ‘stache in ISO and it’s working for them. But the problem is that Fournier didn’t quit.

He shaved his face and seems to have oiled up, showing the final result in a very blinding, very I Wish You Warned Me To Put My Sunglasses On I’ve Been Inside For Weeks Now And Have Not Seen A Light Source This Reflective way.

Rating: It grows back, sure, but will our corneas?

Marco Belinelli

Beli did the cinnamon challenge and I have two hypotheses on it. Either he’s been practicing for eight years when the peak of this challenge hit, or he eats cinnamon by the spoonful all the time because he has literally no reaction. Even going into it, all he gives us is a very cool Allora before taking down the spoon as if it were no more than a refreshing taste of a negroni. You can see the whole video here.

Rating: Now I know why he’s got that fedora tattooed on him, true gangster.

P.J. Tucker

Tucker took a brief break from organizing his sneaker collection and driving around topless in a convertible to take in one of Donald Trump’s deranged press conferences. His reaction, and my hope, is it was proof enough he should get right back in his car and spend his precious time elsewhere, doing what matters.

Rating: What matters, always, is P.J. Tucker driving around topless in a convertible!

Hassan Whiteside

Whiteside has been considerably renovating his home in Portland for some time now, all the way back to the start of the season. I get the sense that now that he is home more, he’s taken a closer interest in the progress, because he spends a lot of time down in a pit that might become a pool and celebrating when landscaping shipments arrive. His bamboo forest came this week, he was stoked.

Rating: Zen and the art of being a big man who’s an even bigger fan of bamboo.

Kelly Oubre Jr.

Oubre is typically a solitary guy. He seems pretty content to go his own way. But this week, he took a couple trips and the takeaways were: a photo of a lonely turtle, a photo of a pair of Canada geese, and this photo of a cactus, also kind of a pair.

Rating: Is he lonely?

Dion Waiters

Taking a breather from rollerskating up and down his hallways and bringing a bouncy castle into the living room for his kids, Waiters either rented or owns and set up one of these football pass practice bobbly things. Is Big Dion Waiters’s favorite movie? Was all his furniture delayed in his move from Miami to L.A.?

Rating: Is staying “permanently playful” some new mindfulness workout regime of the pros?

DeAndre Bembry

Bembry got pretty thoughtful about the sun.

Rating: Excellent PSA for all of us in Self-ISO to remember to get our vitamin D, ten minutes a day is all it takes.

Kevon Looney

Looney got pretty thoughtful about the sun and his view.

Rating: Excellent PSA for all of us in Self-ISO to practice safety at heights.

Jeremy Lin

He might be out of the league but he’s an NBA champion, and Lin used his downtime to get familiar with Instagram’s full range of filters.

Rating: Excellent PSA for all of us in Self-ISO to dress up if we feel like it.

Malcolm Miller

He’s been here a couple seasons now so there’s a chance he’s experienced this, but it could also be the first bad midge season Miller has gone through in Toronto. These tiny, disgusting flies swarm the shores of Lake Ontario in spring and even if you’re on a condo balcony however many stories up, they’ll find you. They swarm when they’re mating, which makes them blanketing your balcony, your car, or the clouds of them you accidentally pass through even grosser.

Rating: Midge city of champions, baby!

Isaiah Thomas

Thomas did a bizarre “challenge” where you put your phone up somewhere high and record yourself shooting it with a nerf gun and knocking it down.

Rating: I mean, he nailed it.

Boris Diaw

Boris Diaw did a hair joke but did not take things too far like Fournier, he left himself a respectable moustache, he left himself something to work with.

Rating: Plan for tomorrow, shave for today.

PAUL PIERCE’S PLACE

Beaches featured heavily for Pierce this week, who seems to keep visiting them alone and maybe some that he shouldn’t? First, he traveled to one he assured viewers was “secret” and started to run down the sand toward the road and beyond it, the ocean.

He panned to a sign that explicitly told him not to be there, but he continued, full tilt. The video cut out before he made it and I was a little bit worried until he recently resurfaced:

He’s still breathless, so he could have also run to this beach, but he assures us that throughout all this you have got to find your peace. Is your peace, like Pierce’s, found beside an ocean that is currently closed? Then I’m sorry but you’ve gotta find it elsewhere. Paul Pierce is gonna get arrested!

Clear your binge-watching queues because Hulu is dumping a ton of quality content this month. Ramy returns for a second season with comedy Ramy Youssef giving us more social commentary mixed with some sharply funny pop-culture jokes. Elle Fanning and Nicholas Hoult travel back a few centuries for The Great, which follows the absurd, sadistic Emperor of Russia and his new wife (who’s trying to kill him). And the guys behind Ricky and Morty give fans another animated comedy, this time about aliens stranded on Planet Earth.

Here’s everything coming to (and leaving) Hulu this May.

Ramy: Season 2 (Hulu series streaming 5/29)
Hulu’s Golden Globe-winning comedy returns this month with Ramy Youssef returning to dig into his Egyptian-American roots. Last season ended with Ramy taking a trip to visit relatives in Cairo and hooking up with his cousin. Meanwhile, back home in Jersey, his mom and sister were rebelling against their strict Muslim upbringings. Season 2 will continue Ramy’s search for enlightenment, give us more Muslim Tinder jokes, and oh yeah, Oscar-winner Mahershala Ali.

The Great (Hulu series streaming 5/15)
Elle Fanning and Nicholas Hoult star in this period dramedy that riffs heavily off the vibe of Yorgos Lanthimos’ Oscar-nominated flick, The Favourite. Hoult has a hell of a lot of fun playing a sadistic sociopath who just so happens to be the Emperor of Russia. Fanning is his hopeful bride-to-be who comes to the palace looking for love and ends up launching a coup and a plot to murder her new husband. It’s a deliciously fun show filled with absurd characters and too many memeable quotes to count.

Solar Opposites (Hulu series streaming 5/8)
Rick and Morty fans rejoice because co-creator Justin Roiland is giving you more weird, animated space comedy, this time with actual aliens. The show follows a family of aliens from a better world who must take refuge in middle America and decide whether our planet is worthy enough to put down roots.

Here’s the full list of titles coming to Hulu in May:

Available 5/1
Bloom: Complete Season 2
A Life Less Ordinary (1997)
Aeon Flux (2005)
Assassination Tango (2003)
Batman Begins (2005)
Billy the Kid (2013)
Brick Mansions (2014)
Crooked Hearts (1991)
Demolition Man (1993)
Escape from Alcatraz (1979)
Friday the 13th – Part III (1982)
Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter (1984)
Gloria (2014)
GoodFellas (1990)
Harry Benson: Shoot First (2016)
House of D (2005)
Megamind (2010)
Men With Brooms (2002)
Molly (1999)
Monster House (2006)
Mutant Species (1995)
Pathology (2008)
Planet 51 (2009)
Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown (1977)
Sands of Iwo Jima (1950)
Slums of Beverly Hills (1998)
Some Kind of Hero (1982)
Soul Food (1997)
Sprung (1997)
Strategic Air Command (1955)
Tamara (2006)
Tank Girl (1995)
The Conjuring (2013)
The Dark Knight (2008)
The Graduate (1967)
The Green Mile (1999)
The Patriot (2000)
The Whistle Blower (1987)
Treasure Hounds (2017)
Universal Soldier (1992)
Walking Tall (1973)

Available 5/5
Vikings: Season 6A

Available 5/8
Solar Opposites: Series Premiere (Hulu Original)
Into the Dark: Delivered (Hulu Original)
Spaceship Earth (2020)

Available 5/12
The Happy Days Of Garry Marshall: Special

Available 5/15
The Great: Series Premiere (Hulu Original)
Beat Bobby Flay: Complete Seasons 8 & 9
Caribbean Life: Complete Season 15
Chopped: Complete Seasons 37 – 39
Fast N’ Loud: Complete Season 15
Gold Rush: Complete Season 8
Murder in the Heartland: Complete Season 2
Property Brothers: Complete Seasons 12 & 13
Street Outlaws: Complete Seasons 8 & 9
The Great Food Truck Race: Complete Seasons 8 & 9
The Little Couple: Complete Seasons 13 & 14
Worst Cooks in America: Complete Season 14
Open Door: Complete Season 2
On the Market: Complete Season 1
Reverse Engineering: Complete Season 1
Molly Tries: Complete Season 1
Andy Explores: Complete Season 1
Handcrafted : Complete Season 1
From the Test Kitchen: Complete Season 1
It’s Alive with Brad: Complete Season 2
Epic Conversations: Complete Season 1
Iconic Characters: Complete Season 2
Drag Me: Complete Season 1
73 Questions: Complete Season 2
Community en Español: Complete Series
t’s a Disaster (2012)

Available 5/19
Story Of The Soaps: Special
Like Crazy (2011)
Trial by Fire (2019)

Available 5/20
Ultimate Tag

Available 5/22
Holey Moley: Season 2 Premiere
To Tell The Truth: Season 5 Premiere
Rocketman (2019)
Premature (2020)
Top End Wedding (2019)
Painter and the Thief (2020)

Available 5/25
The Tracker (2019)

Available 5/26
I Still Believe (2020)

Available 5/28
Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Season 7 Premiere

Available 5/29
Ramy: Complete Season 2 Premiere (Hulu Original)
Disappearance at Clifton Hill (2020)

Here’s What’s Leaving Hulu in May:

50/50 (2011)
Danny Roane: First Time Director (2007)
Deck the Halls (2011)
Eyes of an Angel (1994)
Free Willy (1993)
Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home (1995)
Free Willy 3: The Rescue (1997)
Furry Vengeance (2010)
Gator (1976)
Good Morning, Killer (2011)
Good Will Hunting (1997)
Hide (2011)
Hornet’s Nest (2012)
Innocent (2011)
Kinsey (2004)
Leap Year (2010)
Major League II (1994)
Man on a Ledge (2012)
Megamind (2010)
Misery (1990)
Natural Born Killers (1994)
Night of the Living Dead (2006)
Night of the Living Dead: Resurrection (2012)
Notes On a Scandal (2005)
Richard the Lionheart (2013)
Ricochet (2011)
Righteous Kill (2009)
Silent Tongue (1993)
Silent Witness (2011)
Spider-Man (2002)
Standing in the Shadows of Motown (2002)
Swingers (1996)
Tenderness (2009)
The Book Of Eli (2010)
The Cooler (2003)
The Descent (2005)
The Descent: Part 2 (2010)
Up in the Air (2009)
Waiting to Exhale (1995)
Zombieland (2009)

Jonas Brothers has an absolutely huge year in 2019. The fraternal trio was beloved during their initial run, but their comeback last year lifted them to even greater heights: Happiness Begins became their third No. 1 album, and it spawned their first chart-topping single, “Sucker.” It’s a period worth looking back on, and that is just what fans will be able to do tomorrow, when the Happiness Continues concert film premieres on Amazon Prime Video. This announcement, by the way, comes almost exactly a year after the group originally announced the Happiness Begins album.

The brothers were on tour from August 2019 to February 2020, so the film will have plenty of material to draw from. In addition to live footage, a teaser for the film seems to suggest Happiness Continues will have a documentary aspect as well, with behind-the-scenes footage of the band getting ready for and embarking upon the Happiness Begins tour.

Jonas Brothers started teasing the film a couple days ago by texting to title to their fans, which whipped up a frenzy of speculation. Curious fans did some sleuthing and discovered the film’s IMDb page, which lists the film’s soundtrack, which could be an indication of the song that will be performed in the film.

Whatever the case, all speculation will be either confirmed or denied with the movie’s premiere tomorrow.

Watch the Happiness Continues teaser above.

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During a new interview with LA radio host Big Boy for Big Boy’s Quarantine Couch show on YouTube, Charlotte rapper DaBaby revealed just how much impact the coronavirus could have on his earnings if social distancing precautions continue into the summer. Like many artists, the festival favorite rapper relies on touring for much of his income and having so many shows canceled or postponed and certain states shutting down performance venues through the next year could really put a dent in his pocketbook.

“If it goes to July…I’ve already missed millions for sure,” DaBaby tells the host. “I’ll pull the calendar up right now and show you. I would’ve been on tour right now, and after that I would’ve did an overseas tour. So if we go to July… I’ma hold up how many millions I think.” He then holds up five fingers, indicating $5 million before someone else off-camera chimes in to estimate $7 million.

DaBaby’s guess echoes that of fellow rapper Young Thug, who also guesstimated that he’d be losing out on millions — an appraisal that earned him derision from newfound rival French Montana, who used his measure to snipe that he thought Thug was “going broke.” Fortunately for DaBaby, he’s got a new album out, which should generate some streams, but as we all know by now, those streams are no replacement for the revenue that comes from touring — especially since it seems to not be much of a fan favorite. While Spotify has a new feature allowing fans to donate to artists directly, it seems unlikely that an out-of-work fanbase could drum up $7 million.

Watch the interview with DaBaby above.

After launching an unprecedented comeback, My Chemical Romance was, just like the rest of the music industry, forced to delay all touring plans for this year. Still, the band’s vocalist Gerard Way is doing what he can to keep fans entertained. The singer previously shared four unreleased demos to SoundCloud while detailing their inspiration on social media. Now, Way returns with two more unreleased demos, “PS Earth” and “Crate Amp_01.”

Announcing the demos on social media, Way wrote detailed descriptions of each track. Starting with “PS Earth,” Way wrote that although he likes the song, he’s not sure if he’s going to finish it: “This one was recorded at the tail end of the Hesitant Alien demo sessions, just Doug and I. I liked it well enough at the time, felt kind of 90’s, didn’t end up putting any vocals on it though. I like the bridge a lot. Looking back at the whole thing, I like it, but not sure if I’m going to finish it.”

For his “Crate Amp_01” demo, Way said that the demo’s noisy sound can be attributed from the vintage amps he was playing around with at the time:

“I think we can get it to sound even more messed up. At one point, I think in a later track, Doug tried to do this thing where he put a glass bottle over one of the mics, to make it sound more messed up and kind of underwater. Oh and when I bought this amp, I also bought an old Peavy, which is another kind of amp that is cheap and you saw a lot of metal bands using in the 80’s. That one sounds pretty messed up too, and I think it also has built in distortion. The amps sound pretty different from each other though.”

Listen to “Crate Amp_01” and “PS Earth” below.

My Chemical Romance is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music.

We’re still learning new things about COVID-19 on a near-daily basis but one of the earliest facts we knew about this virus was that it was particularly difficult for people with preexisting conditions. Which preexisting conditions put you at greater risk, however, was always a question that remained unanswered and up for debate. Chronic respiratory diseases like asthma or autoimmune disorders like HIV seemed likely to top that list, but a new study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) examining over 5,700 New York City COVID-19 patients is finally starting to give us a clearer idea of which groups are at risk.

Patients were surveyed from Northwell Health System, which has the largest concentration of COVID-19 patients in the country. The study revealed that 88% of hospitalized patients in the New York City area had more than one preexisting condition, dropping sharply to just 6% amongst patients with one or no preexisting conditions. The five most common preexisting conditions that resulted in hospitalization were hypertension (53.1%), obesity (41.7%), diabetes (31.7%), morbid obesity (19%), and coronary artery disease (10.4%), with Asthma (8.4%) as the sixth most common, and HIV the 14th most common preexisting condition (0.8%).

The median age of the patients requiring hospital care was 63 years old, and 94% of patients had at least one pre-existing condition. Researchers in the study also examined the outcome data of the 2,634 patients who had either been discharged from the hospital or died and found that 14% of them needed ICU treatment, 12% required the help of a ventilator, 3% needed kidney replacement therapy and 21% died. Patients who had diabetes in addition to COVID-19 were much more likely to require the need of a ventilator and although only 12% of patients needed a ventilator, a shockingly high 88% of those patients died, making diabetes one of deadliest conditions for COVID-19 patients.

The full study is free to download at the JAMA Network, so check that for a full breakdown of the study’s findings.

It’s going to be a long wait until the final season of Better Call Saul rolls around. That doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun with the show until then. On the TV side, Brian Grubb will certainly continue to speculate on what’s coming for this ill-fated crew, but real talk on the food tip — did anyone else get hungry when Kim Wexler described that room service burger from the swanky hotel?

I sure did. “Veils” of cheddar? “House-made” buns? High-end beef? Yes to all of that.

I knew it was my job to make Kim’s burger immediately. First, I went back and wrote down all the things Kim actually says. Right away, I could tell I was venturing into deep waters. There were also some big gaps in what Kim was describing, so I found the actual hotel in Albuquerque that Kim and Jimmy were staying at and dove into their menu. Sure enough, the Hotel Andaluz’s menu has a burger on it that’s pretty much exactly what Kim was describing, flowery language included.

With that information in hand, I went ahead and made the burger, the “house-made” bun, and the goddamn shoe-string fries. It was a lot of work, but very worth it.

SHOESTRING FRIES with TRUFFLE SALT

This is the moment Kim Wexler broke bad. Shoestring fries are the work of the devil. I’ve worked in kitchens and made a million orders of fries. I also know a lot of chefs and cooks. I can tell you with authority that only an asshole chef wants their staff to make shoe-string motherf*cking fries to order.

Making shoe-string fries at home sucks. It sucks so much, I don’t think I like Kim anymore.

Ingredients:

• 4 Queen Anne Potatoes
• Dried Truffles
• Coarse Sea Salt
• Vegetable Oil
• Water

Prep:

Peel the potatoes and put them in a bowl with water as you peel each one. Pour that water off once you’re done peeling. Using a mandolin with a small teeth plate, slice the potatoes along their horizontal line.

Return potatoes to bowl and cover with room temp tap water and add a punch of salt. Use your hands to work the potato “shoelaces” in the water to draw out the starch. It’s like a gentle massage. Let sit for at least 30 minutes.

Pour that water off and then start wringing all the water out of the potatoes in a cheesecloth. Basically, you’re going to need to do a fistful at a time and really wring the life out of the potatoes until no more water drips out.

Layer the potatoes on a baking sheet lined with a towel. Pat down, set aside.

Later, we’ll fry this is small batches in vegetable oil at 350F. You’ll need to add them very slowly to the oil as they cause the hot liquid to boil up dramatically. Use a slotted spatula to move them around until golden brown and crisp. This will takes eight to ten minutes.

Move to a bowl lined with a cloth. Remove cloth. Hit with several grinds of dried truffle and salt. Toss. Serve. You’ll see them pictured at the end.

CONDIMENTS

This is where the menu from Hotel Andaluz came in handy. They list “house-made ketchup,” “hatch green chili BBQ,” and “mojo mustard” as the condiments for this mighty burger. I’m going to go over these pretty quickly.

House-made Ketchup:

• One can of Tomato Puree
• 1/4 cup of Dark Brown Sugar
• 1/8 cup Apple Cider Vinegar
• One tsp. Cumin
• One tsp. Allspice
• One tsp. Garlic Powder
• One tsp. Onion Powder
• One tsp. Smoked Paprika
• One tsp. Dried Truffles
• One tsp. Sea Salt
• Half tsp. White Pepper

Add all ingredients to a small saucepan. Stir. Bring to a bare simmer. Cover and simmer until reduced by about a quarter, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat to cool. Serve.

Mojo Mustard:

• 1/2 cup good quality Mustard
• Zest of one Lime
• Juice of 1/2 Lime
• Zest of 1/2 Orange
• Juice of 1/2 Orange
• Two Sprigs of fresh Oregano (minced)
• One clove of Garlic (minced)
• One tsp. Habanero Paste
• Pinch of Sea Salt
• Few Cranks from Black Pepper Mill

Add all ingredients to a bowl. Stir until completely incorporated. Cover and place in the fridge to rest.

Pepper Jam:

• One Green Bell Pepper
• Two Cayenne Peppers
• Two Pointed Peppers
• 1/2 Yellow Onion
• Two Cloves of Garlic
• One cup Chicken Broth
• Juice of 1/2 Lime
• Juice of 1/2 Orange
• Sea Salt
• Black Pepper
• Olive Oil

Heat a medium pan on a medium-high flame with a glug of olive oil. Add chopped onion, peppers, and garlic. Hit with salt and pepper. Cook until onions wilt. Add liquids. Reduce heat and simmer off the liquids until it looks like the image below. It should take around 30 minutes.

“HOUSE-BAKED SESAME SEED BUNS”

Kim, you’re killing me with this burger. I’ve never made hamburger buns. So I have to admit — I am curious. However, I have a busted oven. I have to eyeball the flame to set the temp and my broiler is shot. Still, I soldier on because I love this show and I want to have this recipe in my arsenal.

You’re going to need a scale for this recipe. Always bake by weight. There’s no better way. Cooking is art; baking is science.

Ingredients:

• 7 grams Dry Yeast
• 450 grams Bread Flour
• 50 grams Raw Sugar
• 250 grams Whole Milk
• 50 grams Unsalted Butter
• 1 Medium Egg (beaten)
• 7 grams Fine Sea Salt
• Olive Oil

Wash/Topping:

• 1 Medium Egg
• 1/4 cup Whole Milk
• Sesame Seeds

Prep:

Start off by putting the milk and butter in a small saucepan on a low flame on the stove. Turn off as soon as the butter melts and let cool down to at least 130-100F. If it’s too hot when you add it to the yeast, it’ll kill it.

Add 50 grams of flour, the sugar, and yeast to a large mixing bowl and whisk together. Add in the milk and butter and stir until completely blended. Let sit for ten minutes so the yeast can activate.

Add the rest of the flour, egg, and salt. Mix using a wooden paddle until it comes together into a cohesive dough.

Flour a working surface and plop the dough down.

Knead the dough for at least five minutes. I go until the dough is completely smooth and no longer sticks at all to the surface of the counter.

Form into a ball. Brush olive oil around a receiving bowl. Place the dough ball into the bowl top side down and then flip it over so that the whole ball is coated in oil.

Cover in plastic wrap and set aside. As soon as the dough has doubled in size, it’s ready.

Line a baking sheet with baking paper. Preheat your oven to 375F (mine was closer to 400F, I think) with the rack in the middle.

Roll the dough onto a lightly floured surface. Gingerly roll the dough into a foot-long log. Cut in half. Cut those halves in half. Cut those quarters in half. You’re left with eight buns.

Turn each of those eighths into balls by folding the ends under until the top is smooth. Dust each one with flour. Place them on the baking sheet with plenty of room. Pat them down so that they’re about an inch tall.

Cover loosely in plastic wrap and let them proof until they’ve doubled in size. This will take anywhere from 20 to 40 minutes depending on how hot your kitchen is.

Bake:

Mix the milk and egg in a bowl until well blended. Use a brush to gently brush the wash onto each of the buns. Then, sprinkle generously with white sesame seeds.

Place in the oven for 12 to 15 minutes. I set an alarm for six minutes to turn the baking sheet around. Otherwise, let them bake. Unfortunately, I don’t have a broiler, so the tops didn’t get a nice brown to them.

Remove from the oven and place them immediately on a wire cooling rack.

I had to taste test one. So I broke it open and ate it while it was piping hot with some butter. And, wow, I’m definitely doing this again. But not right now.

CHEESEBURGER

Hey guys, we’re finally going to make this burger!

The photo below is a pretty good example of how I felt while making this goddamn burger. It’s also one of the only chances I had to see the burger in the show.

It’s kind of dark and certainly not the focal point of the shot. So, let’s take a closer look.

via GIPHY

We get another look here:

There’s not a whole lot to go on besides a thick, fancy-schmancy New York steakhouse style patty, cheese, and what looks like that “housemade ketchup” up top with a butter lettuce leaf below.

Here’s the burger from the real-life hotel for comparison. It’s what I’m aiming for in the end.

Prep:

I make two 200-gram (seven ounces) Irish beef patties. It’s 80/20 lean/fat. I hit the burgers with salt and pepper. And, since this is a boutique hotel burger, I’m going sous vide with a reverse sear. So I vac-seal those patties with a sprig of fresh sage and rosemary.

Cook:

I place the patties in a 132F water bath for two-hours. Now, it’s crucial that ground beef reaches 140F to be safe. I’m cooking them to 132F in the sous vide and then searing them off in a cast-iron skillet, which will allow the patties to hit the magic-mark of 140F. I assure this by using a meat thermometer.

I slice my home-made hamburger buns in half, butter them, and sprinkle ’em with garlic powder. I then toast them off in a ceramic pan because why not add more dishes to the pile at this point!

(This is also where I fry the shoe-string fries using a wok with one-liter of vegetable oil at 350F).

Next, I get the cast iron ripping hot with a good glug of olive oil. I fish the patties from the sous vide, remove them from their vac-sealed packages, pat them as dry as possible, and sear them off.

After they’re seared on one side, I flip them over. This is where I add a thick slice of white Irish Cheddar. I kill the heat and put a lid on the skillet, trapping in the steam. I let that sit for at least five minutes so the cheese can “veil” over the patty.

Construction goes like this:

• Bottom Bun
• Mojo Mustard
• Folded Lettuce Leaf
• Patty with Cheese
• Pepper Jam
• Housemade Ketchup on the Top Bun

Then, I grabbed a California Cab since they were 100 percent drinking red wine with their burgers and I’ve f*cking earned a bottle glass of wine at this point.

And there it is. I did it. Shoe-string fries are dumb but, I have to admit, I loved them here. They were light, crisp, full of umami, and salt. In fact, hitting fries with dried truffle flakes and sea salt is delightful — even in shoe-string form.

As for the burger, yeah, it’s goddamn delicious and messy and nap-inducing and I want it again. I just want someone else to make it for me next time. I have to say though, I’m only making my own ketchup from now on. And, home-made buns are actually worth the effort. The mojo mustard really made things sunny and sharp. The peppers were a great add on. Now, about that nap…