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“Modern Family” Officially Ended After 250 Episodes — Here’s What Happened To Your Favorite Characters

“What people have always done. Leave the porch light on. They come back.”


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Korean-American Producer Yaeji’s Bilingual Mixtape, ‘What We Drew,’ Is Full Of Gloomy Optimism

The RX is Uproxx Music’s stamp of approval for the best albums, songs, and music stories throughout the year. Inclusion in this category is the highest distinction we can bestow, and signals the most important music being released throughout the year. The RX is the music you need, right now.

In 2017, a video from the Korean-American producer Yaeji started circulating on the internet, racking up views by the thousands — and not just because it was released via the YouTube channel for 88rising, a massive collective for Asian-American and Asian artists. In the clip, the then-23-year-old producer and singer rides her bike through empty streets, deadpan rapping in Korean over slippery house beats, flexing with the air of an iced-out rapper all while wearing horn-rimmed glasses and an oversized blazer on her petite frame. The effect was incredible, and mesmerizing, and 8 million views later, Yaeji was well on her way to mainstream fame in America.

Drink I’m Sippin’ On” wasn’t quite her first single, but it helped put Kathy Yaeji Lee — aka Yaeji — and her subsequent, short release, EP2, on the map in a way that her initial self-titled EP Yaeji didn’t. Or maybe the momentum was building either way, as the releases came in quick succession in March and November of 2017, both released via Talya Elitzer and Nick Sylvester’s New York-based label and management company, Godmode. But then, a full-length never materialized, and outside of the 2018 one-off, appropriately titled “One More,” pretty much the only thing coming out of the Yaeji camp was remixes.

Not that successfully remixing pop auteurs like Robyn (“Beach 2K20”) and Charli XCX (“Focus”) is a small feat, or that her well-received rework of Drake’s “Passionfruit” on EP2 wasn’t arguably better than the original, simply that fans were fascinated with the original material they’d already heard, and eager to see what Lee would do next. Finally, in March of this year, right before the world went on pause due to the spread of COVID-19, word came down: a new, 12-track mixtape was coming, this time released by the esteemed British indie, XL Recordings.

Released last Friday, that mixtape, titled What We Drew in English, showcases exactly what Yaeji has been doing for the last two and a half years — fixating on a sound that will likely become the blueprint for emerging producers in the next decade. An easy peer of Grimes — and both of them influenced by Janet Jackson — Yaeji’s self-produced, softly-murmured offerings push her to the edge of experimental pop and the DIY electronic production that exploded in the age of personal computers and digital audio workstation software, but the pulsing undercurrent of house music and inklings of hip-hop elevate her work into a category all its own. Mixing that with ASMR-styled lyrics, often submerged well below the surface of her productions, and surprising ear for hooky, unshakeable riffs, Yaeji’s latest is an enormous step forward.

On What We Drew, Yaeji speaks to a world in lockdown, debuting the EP with a livestream of herself drawing and doodling, while the songs played idly in the background. There’s enough muted cohesion here to make the tape suitable for playing as a backdrop, but all the intricacies that unfold when listening with careful attention makes the latter approach the better one. And, for those locked inside, this release offers layers and layers of sound to unpack and something new to discover on every listen. It’s a record full of songs that hum with gloomy optimism, weighty verses trade off with flickering, falsetto choruses, and vice versa.

Born in Queens, raised in South Korea, and currently based in Brooklyn, Yaeji is often described as a “NYC-via-Seoul” producer, and the formatting of her new EP echoes that distinction. Every song is written in English and Korean, including the album title, and she moves between the two languages without distinguishing between them, as most people who have two or more languages in their head instinctually do. On the mixtape’s introductory single, “Waking Up Down,” she rattles off the everyday tasks she can accomplish in English, before swapping to Korean for the chorus. Hearing her celebrate muddling through the mundane daily tasks is oddly prescient while stuck inside during a pandemic, where even the simplest chores seem particularly challenging in the face of global crisis.

Like any great producer, Yaeji also shines when it comes to selecting and orienting guest stars, as Lil Fayo, Trenchcoat, and Sweet Pea fill standout track “Free Interlude” with the kind of orchestrated chaotic energy that made early Odd Future compilations so fun to listen to. On her own for “In The Mirror,” which sounds like an inverted song off Charli XCX’s last album, Lee builds ominous drums to create tension for a long two-minute intro before exploding into an earworm Autotuned chorus that’s over too soon, mimicking the serotonin release of an EDM drop when it hits. And while a handful of people listening to Yaeji in 2020 might have extensive knowledge of house vocalists, it’s more likely that she’s one of their first entry points into the storied and often overlooked corner of the music world; but like most great vocalists in the genre, her ability to use lyrics and vocals as just another abstract part of the song, and not the tonal focus of the track, is yet another underrated skill.

It’s exactly her intuitive ability to move between languages, and genres — house, hip-hop, pop — that makes When We Drew feel like the next logical step for pop’s best and most interesting impulses. These are pop songs deconstructed to work as landscapes, not portraits, never paint-by-numbers melodies, always textured beyond a traditional hook-focused structure, but with earworm appeal built into each track’s foundations. This also makes it hard to pick a favorite song on the tape, because it feels like they’re always morphing. With weeks of lockdown potentially ahead of us, it will be interesting to notice how the impact of What We Drew changes over time, it strikes me as the kind of album that could help define how this period sounded and felt. One thing is certain, there are few better albums to be locked indoors with. It isn’t a cheerful record, but there’s strange and welcome joy in these deconstructed dancefloor jams.

What We Drew is out now via XL Recordings. Get it here.

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Here Are The Official Matchups For The NBA’s Upcoming HORSE Competition

The NBA’s upcoming attempt at giving basketball fans some sort of live event is set in stone. Reports from earlier in the week indicated that the league would partner up with ESPN to put on a live HORSE tournament of some sort, and on Wednesday, some of the preliminary names of competitors became public.

Now, not only do we know that the event is on, we know what the field will look like and when the competition will occur. It was announced on Thursday morning that we’ll see the following four matchups, which include current and former NBA and WNBA players:

Trae Young vs. Chauncey Billups
Tamika Catchings vs. Mike Conley
Zach LaVine vs. Paul Pierce
Chris Paul vs. Allie Quigley

The games will occur remotely, with players getting shots up at their homes. The first round of matchups will play out on April 12 from 7-9 p.m. EST, with the semifinals and finals occurring on April 16 from 9-11 p.m. EST. Here are the rules for this competition, via the NBA:

A coin toss at the start of each game will determine who shoots first, with the more senior player calling heads or tails. Players must describe each shot attempt, specifying the type of score they intend to make before taking a shot, such as a bank shot or swish. Dunking is prohibited. The first player in each game to accumulate the letters “H-O-R-S-E” after failing to match five shots is eliminated.

All of this is pretty standard, namely the “you have to call a bank or a swish” one, but we would have liked to see Pierce have to figure out a response to LaVine throwing down some gravity-defying dunks. Then again, this did sort itself out on Twitter in a conversation between Young and LaVine, so it’s not a huge surprise this rule got implemented:

At the very least, just getting some kind of live basketball is going to be a joy. Our early guess is to go with Young because of his ability to hit shots from his neighbors’ driveway, but this field is loaded, and any of the eight have a shot at winning the whole thing.

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Tash Sultana Gets Help From Her Friends And Fans For The Heartwarming ‘Pretty Lady’ Quarantine Video

Since the release of her 2018 debut Flow State, Tash Sultana has spent her time touring and working on new material. Now, the Melbourne instrumentalist is ready for a new era. With “Pretty Lady,” Sultana furthers her impressive catalog as a one-woman sensation.

For the accompanying video, Sultana called upon friends, family, and fans to lend a hand. “So what do you do when you’re releasing a new song, you gotta make a music video, and you can’t leave the house due a global pandemic!?” Sultana wrote. “Well I gave some family, friends, and fans all around the world a little preview of the song and asked them to have a little fun and video themselves dancing along.”

In a statement, Sultana described her songwriting process: “I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this song for like six years. I used to loop it and just free style to it when I was busking years ago, but I always got stuck on the same parts. I put the song in a box at the back of my mind and revisited it in November 2019. I had Dann (Hume) and Matt (Corby) spend some time in my studio and that’s when I decided to show them this song. It’s my first song I’ve collaborated with other players on.”

Watch Sultana’s “Pretty Lady” video above.

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Usher Issues The ‘Climax’ Challenge After The Weeknd’s ‘Variety’ Interview

The latest challenge to land on social media has one of the more peculiar origins: The Weeknd’s Variety interview promoting his new album, After Hours. Amid charming anecdotes about hanging out with Jim Carrey on his 30th birthday, The Weeknd also remarked on the impact his singular musical style had on R&B, using the example of Usher’s “Climax.” Calling “Climax” a “Weeknd song,” the Canadian singer said that he was flattered but insulted that Usher would borrow “his” style.

Now Usher has responded to the comments, but rather than doing so directly, he instead issued the #ClimaxChallenge, singing an excerpt from the song’s chorus on his Instagram Story. He notably did not mention The Weeknd, but the implication was clear: “You wish you could sing a song like ‘Climax.’” It wasn’t long before other R&B singers — both certified ones like Eric Bellinger and aspiring ones — were giving it a go and hashtagging their own renditions of the #ClimaxChallenge. While Usher didn’t say that it was in response to The Weeknd’s comment, others were more than happy to speak up on his behalf. In the caption of his own video (which featured a collection of other entries), Bellinger tagged The Weeknd, writing, “Now all we waitin for is you.”

We’ll see if The Weeknd responds, but until then, check out some of the entries to the challenge in the videos above.

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The Best Rums To Drink Straight Because You’re All Out Of Mixers

As it becomes more and more likely that you’re running low on mixers, we’ve spent the week calling out gins and a variety of whiskeys to drink straight. Today it’s rum’s turn. We’re not talking about the harsh, high proof, mouth-drying rum that you mixed high-octane punches with in college. We’re talking about aged, nuanced, high-quality rums — sure to please even whiskey purists.

Jake Larowe, bar manager at Birds and Bees in Los Angeles, prefers well-aged rums to whiskey for slow sipping.

“I love clean, 12-year barrel-aged rums,” he says. “Something that doesn’t get too heavy from a long stay in wood but still has enough time to sit and mellow.”

To help us drill down to specific bottles, we enlisted the help of some of our favorite bartenders. Here are their picks for the best rums for drinking neat.

Clairin Vaval Haitian Rhum Agricole

Valentino Longo, bartender at Le Sirenuse in Miami

I love rhum agricole to drink neat during the day, like Clairin. And for after dinner with a nice cigar, a Venezuelan rum, like Diplomatico.

El Dorado 12 Year

Courtney Everett, bartender O-Ku Sushi in Atlanta

If I’m going to drink a rum neat, it better be smooth. That’s why I like El Dorado 12-year. It is rich and complex, and kind of funky. Plus it’s at a good price point for aged rum.

Ron Zacapa 23 Year

Kevin Moran, general manager at Seagar’s Prime Steaks & Seafood in South Walton, Florida

My choice of rum is the Ron Zacapa 23-year barrel-aged. Many of our other labels of rum are designed to enjoy in a hand-crafted cocktail while Ron Zacapa is designed to be enjoyed as you would a Cognac or a fine whiskey. Its time in barrel has given it a rounder mouthfeel and more depth of flavor, best enjoyed neat.

Diplomatico Reserva Exclusiva

Josh Saphier, bartender at Eighteen36 in Houston

My go-to rum is Diplomatico Reserva Exclusiva. The origin is Venezuela. It’s utterly smooth at room temp. On the nose, I get honey or tawny port, you can smell a little bit of raisin. Fruity up front, I get banana and cantaloupe. The finish is a little funkier though it dissipates quickly.

Dos Maderas 5 + 5

Josh Streetman, bartender at Motor Supply Co. in Columbia, South Carolina

Rum styles range across the board, with production methods being widely diverse and mostly unregulated. I like Dos Maderas 5 + 5. It’s Spanish and finished in oak and used port barrels. I also have an affection for agricole for a funky, lighter, vegetal flavor. Duquesne from Martinique is my pick.

Ron Zacapa XO

Natalie Migliarini, the mixologist behind Beautiful Booze on Instagram

Ron Zacapa XO Rum. I love the sweet, spicy, and rich flavors — including dark chocolate, brown sugar, and toffee. I also love Zacapa’s Master Blender, Lorena Vásquez, whom I’ve met on several occasions. Her personality and energy really make this brand stand out.

Black Coral Spiced Rum

Bryan Long, assistant director of Food & at Eau Palm Beach Resort & Spa in Palm Beach, Florida

The best rum for me is Black Coral Rum’s Spiced Rum. It is distilled using ingredients sourced in Palm Beach’s backyard and is incredibly flavorful. The flavors of toasted cacao nibs, clove, allspice, nutmeg, and cinnamon make it a great sipper. It also makes great old fashioneds and Manhattans.

Foursquare Cask Series

Nate Simmons, bartender at Garden & Grain in Pensacola, Florida

Foursquare Cask Series Rum from Barbados. This line of artisan rums is pot stilled and aged in a combination of ex-bourbon, ex-Madeira and/or ex-sherry barrels. Incredible flavor and complexity.

Papa’s Pilar Dark Rum

Mazzarie Parker, bar manager of Maypop Restaurant in New Orleans

Papa’s Pilar Dark Rum from Hemingway Rum Co. is my absolute favorite rum. It has notes of warm spices, caramel, vanilla, coffee, and port that make for a sweeter rum. The aroma alone makes me crave dessert. Although I do like to use this rum in cocktails, it is delicious enough to stand alone as an after-dinner spirit.

Bacardi Limitada

Zsolt Ducsai, food and beverage director at Serafina Beach Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico

Bacardi Limitada. This rum pairs well with a nice cigar. It’s rich in flavors (dry vanilla) and complex, with dark fruits and smooth notes.

Mount Gay XO Reserve Cask

Piero Procida, bartender at The London West Hollywood in Los Angeles

I’m going to go with Mount Gay XO Reserve Cask. If you are going to drink something straight, there has to be some sophistication and barrel aging to tone down the alcohol. It also provides a variety of flavors in a more “natural way” than having to mix it in drinks with a plethora of the ghastly synthetic ingredients that rum so often finds itself in.

This Barbados Rum has been aged for eight years and is incredibly smooth. Immediately off the bat, you’ll taste honey, banana and toffee apple with hints of spicy oak, cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg. A truly terrific rum that I think deserves a lot more credit. Easy to drink by itself, nothing added.

Paranubes

Alan Walter, spirit handler at Loa Bar in New Orleans

When it comes to sipping neat, you can’t go wrong with Paranubes. This Oaxacan spirit is between cachaça and agricole. It’s a truly unique, vegetal, and sweet flavor.

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Gorillaz Continue Their ‘Song Machine’ Series With ‘Aries’ Featuring Peter Hook And Georgia

Gorillaz have so far released a couple of singles as part of their Song Machine series, and now the group is back with another one. The latest track is “Aries,” which features clear influence from its featured artists, Georgia and Peter Hook, the co-founder of Joy Division and New Order.

The band’s virtual member Noodle said of the track, “Highly impatient and competitive, many Aries have the fighting spirit of your mythological ruler.”

This is the first new track from the group since they announced last month that the coronavirus pandemic won’t impact Song Machine. The band’s Murdoc said at the time, “Even though large tracts of mankind grind to a halt in the face of this formidable foe, we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. And even if a large part of the planet becomes completely bored out of their melons, we will not surrender. We will carry on the struggle. Until the day we can go outside again with open arms, high five, group hug, fist bump, and maybe even French kiss. Until then. We’ve got this, and more importantly the machine remains ON!”

Watch the “Aries” video above.

Gorillaz is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

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Angel Olsen Shares A Johnny Jewel ‘All Mirrors’ Remix And Announces A Livestream Benefit Concert

The coronavirus led nearly every festival and concert tour to be postponed or canceled this summer, meaning those who work in the live music industry have been financially impacted by the pandemic. In order to help out, many musicians have offered donations to relief funds as well as directly to their crew. Lady Gaga is hosting a Together At Home televised charity event and HER recently covered three months’ worth of healthcare costs for her entire team.

Angel Olsen is the next artist to offer assistance. Along with sharing a remix to her recent album’s title track, the singer announced a livestream concert that will benefit a charity as well as her own touring crew.

Olsen debuted a dissonant remix to “All Mirrors” by Chromatics producer/instrumentalist Johnny Jewel. In a statement, Olsen described why she’s drawn to Johnny Jewel’s remix:

“I’ve been listening to Chromatics for years but I never thought I’d get the chance to meet them or work with Johnny. It’s always interesting to me what other people hear in something, how one slight movement can change a song completely. I love how he took my vocal lead melody and followed it, making a completely different route for ‘All Mirrors’ as a wonder-dream dance song.”

Along with the remix, Olsen announced her benefit livestrem, Still At Home: An Evening of Songs On Piano And Guitar. The livestream will be organized like a live concert and those wishing to attend can purchase tickets to gain access. All proceeds from ticket sales will benefit both MusiCares COVID-19 Relief Effort and Olsen’s own touring crew.

Listen to Olsen’s “All Mirrors (Johnny Jewel Remix)” above.

Olsen’s livestream takes place 4/11 at 6 p.m. EST. Tickets start at $12. Find them here.

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The Best And Worst And WWE NXT 4/8/20: Two Guys, One Cup

Previously on the Best and Worst of NXT: Sam Roberts showed up for commentary like some grand harbinger of doom, Keith Lee retained the North American Championship in a hoss division triple threat, and Dakota Kai won a gauntlet match by being the last person to enter, which is obviously how you win gauntlet matches.

(h/t to UPROXX reader MachiavelliX for this week’s subtitle)

If you’d like to read previous installments of the Best and Worst of NXT, you can do that here. Follow With Spandex on Twitter and Facebook. You can also follow me on Twitter, where everything and everyone is terrible.

And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for April 8, 2020.

Welcome To Quote NXT TakeOver USA Unquote

WWE

This week’s episode takes the form of “NXT TakeOver USA,” which is what happens when the big WrestleMania show you’ve been building to gets canceled because of a global pandemic and you don’t want that sweet skull and crossbones logo to go to waste. It’s also a great illustration of how the concept of “NXT TakeOver” with no fans reacting and 20 commercial breaks is depressing as hell. It’s like watching a print of Avengers Endgame in an empty theater with the volume turned down, and not all the special effects are done. And it ends with Pepper Pots kicking Thanos in the balls.

Best: Io Shirai Is Your New Number One Contender

Anyway, the best match of the night is the Women’s Championship number one contender match involving basically everyone who isn’t brand new, a jobber, or busy at WrestleMania. Like we learned at WrestleMania, in fact, ladder matches without crowd reactions are difficult to pull off, because it feels like there’s no drama in people climbing, and no believable teases that this is going to be the finish. Plus, nobody in the women’s version is a crazy parkour nut who wants to do corkscrew planchas off the ring post or whatever.

They work hard, take some nasty bumps all things considered, and the right person wins: Io Shirai, who will hopefully stand still while Charlotte Flair moonsaults at her, let Charlotte whiff her completely, and then show her what that shit’s supposed to look like. I think it’s interesting, though, that they had Candice LeRae be the one getting pie-faced off the ladder to give Io the win, as based on what happens later in the show, it might constitute a double turn. The last thing I want is for Io to suddenly become a babyface again, especially when we need evilest possible Io to send The Queen to the Boneyard. I’d be willing to accept Io as a stop-gap win for Flair on her way to getting dunked on by Bianca Belair at SummerSlam or whatever, but if Bianca’s just going to stay on Raw and Candice has turned into the Natasha to Johnny Gargano’s Boris, Io’s really the only answer, isn’t she?

Note: Io Shirai should also be the number one contender to the North American and NXT Championships. Keith Lee would probably turn her into a fine paste, but I think she’d have a pretty good shot against Adam Cole.

Worst: They Had All This Time Away From TV And Are Still Calling Themselves ‘EVER-RISE’

Ovaries are back, and they’re on hardcore enhancement duty for Malcolm Bivens’ new team of Rinku Singh and Saurav Gurjar, who are already just “Rinku” and “Saurav” despite already having a t-shirt produced with their full names on it. Their tag team name is “Indus Sher,” by the way. Sher means “lion,” and the Indus is obviously a river in Asia, so they’re basically RIVER LION. They’re one bobblehead promotion away from being a Minor League Baseball team.

Unfortunately they’re also greener than a gamma-radiated goose’s shit and don’t have much chemistry together, which isn’t helped much by the former 3.0’s willing but competent at best tag team stylings. So it’s about five minutes of … I guess you could say fine, average-ass tag team wrestling between two guys WWE obviously wants to push as monsters who aren’t particularly monstrous beyond their physicality, and a team that looks like Colt Cabana got split into two guys and named themselves like a biscuit mix. Oh, and Stoke doesn’t get a promo. Not great, Bob.

Best:

WWE

Also Best, Maybe?: I’m Not Finnished With You

I got excited a couple of months ago when it looked like we were getting a Finn Bálor vs. WALTER match at NXT TakeOver Dublin, but when Finn went to NXT UK and just kinda left and they held a battle royal to find WALTER’s next opponent instead, I thought they’d scrapped it completely. So it makes me happy to see that Finn V WALTER is still on at some point, and will presumably reengage when the pandemic’s over and folks can actually travel again.

Speaking of the travel bans and as a quick side note, I’m on Team Devlin when it comes to thinking William Regal holding a tournament to name an “interim Cruiserweight Champion” while the actual Cruiserweight Champion can’t leave his home country for fear of global pestilence is some bullshit. Is the Cruiserweight Championship so important that we can’t understand he’d be over here defending it if he was physically able? It’s not like he’s injured, or just isn’t defending the title. It’s the whole world, guys. It’s also pretty rank that there’s already a tournament to name a new champion starting next week, while they’ve got to “consider” what to do about Pete Dunne’s Tag Team Championship. Something’s afoot.

Ah well, if it builds to a Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon-style unification match somewhere down the road, that’ll be pretty cool. But damn, NXT. Cold blooded.

Worst: This Ain’t It, Chief

What we were promised here was the “final beat” in the ongoing … uh, beat-off between Tommaso Ciampa and Johnny Gargano. The feud’s been going on for four years. Every time we get close to a resolution that would allow the characters to move on, fate intervenes in the form of an injury or, in this case, a global virus that shuts down society. But this is it, and we’re devoting the entire second hour of what was supposed to be the WrestleMania weekend TakeOver to the match. This is EVERYTHING. So what did we get?

An okay 20-minute match for the middle of a feud, used as a 60-minute end of a feud.

It’s like somebody watched the Edge and Randy Orton Last Man Standing match from WrestleMania and were like, “that was pretty divisive. You know what would make it better? If it we made it longer, even MORE melodramatic, replaced the low volume commentary with an hour of silence, and gave it a screwy finish that left everyone unsatisfied.” Brother, you know how much I adore these wrestlers and this feud if you’ve read ANY of these columns over the past several years, and I would legitimately rather get a root canal than sit through this entire match again.

Some of you will say, “actually I LOVED it,” because you could drive a car off a cliff and die and someone on the Internet would watch it and say, “actually I thought they did a great parking job, I enjoyed it.” Let’s just go down the list of things that didn’t work for me here.

It’s too long. Whoever decided “good matches” in WWE need to be 30-60 minutes long needs to get reassigned to the mail room. It was full of commercial breaks, which made it feel like TWO hours, and the lack of commentary or crowd noise or even some kind of background music like the cinematic matches at WrestleMania got made it feel even slower. It’s just an hour of listening to grunts, moans, breaths, over acting terrible out of context taunts like “is that all you’ve got, daddy?” and bleeped-out curse words. It felt less like a Johnny Gargano vs. Tommaso Ciampa match, and more like someone trying to spoof one. It took everything that was bad about the recent trend of non-stop kick-out marathons, applied a Boneyard Match filter to it, and thought that’d be good enough. Which is sad, because the simple, effective, logical storytelling of NXT has been the key factor in making it WWE’s best brand in a walk. You felt rewarded for watching, and like you were actually going to see a match play out like you might want it to, and give you a finish, good or bad, that makes sense and engages you on a basic, professional wrestling kind of level. It was still “sports-entertainment,” but it rarely ever made you feel like you were wasting your time.

Then we have the issue of Johnny Gargano’s devious plot to win his rivalry with Ciampa being getting his ass kicked for 55 minutes but wearing a cup, so at the end his wife could show up and kick him in the balls, thereby lulling Ciampa into a false sense of security so she could sneak up behind CIAMPA and kick CIAMPA in the balls, so Johnny could win. Comical evil for the sake of comical evil, whether I’ve previously felt like the characters were justified in their motivations or not. You could practically see Shawn Michaels slobbering all over the paper as he wrote this all out, not stopping to think about how effective that final, defiant crawl up the Undertaker’s legs at WrestleMania 26 or “I’m sorry, I love you,” would’ve played out if they’d been 60 minutes long and built around Whisper wandering out to fake cry in front of Shawn’s opponent to swerve them into taking a wedgie. Good will and fandom of both the wrestlers and the promotion aside, this was as bad as any of those legendary goofball swerves we make fun of Vince Russo for booking. This turned the feud into a Dignity on a Pole match.

And man, it didn’t have to be. Circumstances fucked it. The cinematic presentation of the match was a good idea and something WWE should continue playing with, but it lacked both the absurd ambition of the Firefly Fun House and the dumb, escapist fun of the Bone Zone. It was just long, and boring, and up its own ass, and morose. At the end they even teased the thought that maybe they were going to end the feud with Gargano and Ciampa realizing what hatred and toxic masculinity have done to them and finally reaching some kind of understanding after having fully found themselves in the other’s shoes, but nope, we got a wife swerve and the approximation of a Road Dogg cup gag from 20 years ago.

WWE

At least we got a post credits scene.

So what, Ciampa just attacks Gargano the next time he sees him and they both get kicked out? Ciampa attacks Candice for screwing him over and they swap back alignments and build to ANOTHER match? Gargano and Ciampa start fighting again and Triple H shows up to kick their asses 1-on-2 for not listening to him? Killer Kross reveals he’s got mind control powers and is the reason Gargano and LeRae went full dark?

At this point I hope the first post-quarantine show reveals that everything from the quarantine was a dream. AJ Styles isn’t dead, Rhea Ripley never lost the Women’s Championship to somebody who doesn’t even want it, and Gargano and Ciampa didn’t end their feud on a deaf and dumb student film.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week

Caz

I wish for John Cena to portal in, wander around looking confused for 5 seconds, and then portal back out

Baron Von Raschke

I want to thank NXT for the commercials during this Ciampa/Gargano match…without them, I would have had the sound down on Dynamite when Jericho said that he owed Cody’s mom a slap in the face.

I would have laughed if the luchadors kidnapped Johnny & Candice on their way to the car.

Clay Quartermain

It’s weird that I’m watching a Shawn Spears match over a Chiampa vsGargano, but here we are

Taylor Swish

Does Io have to cash in on Charlotte? I’d give a good 4 rolls of toilet paper to see Shirai vs. Cole.

Dave M J

Candice: YOU SAID YOU WERE ONLY GOING TO BE A HALF HOUR. HOME. NOW.

Johnny: Awww, but-

Candice: …would be a damn shame if your Spider-Man figures got thrown in the garbage

Johnny: …sigh…ok.

Mac&CheeseMainEvent

Triple H: “Ok guys, tonight is your big empty arena match. Feel free to wrestle all around the performance center, use gym equipment, tear the place up, fight on top of the truck and when it is over, the winner is going to cry over the loser because they won the battle.”
*Ciampa and Johnny look at each other*
Triple H: “What?”
Ciampa: “That was Edge – Orton at Wrestlemania.”
*long pause*
Triple H: “…I’m not going to lie I missed Mania because I was binge watching Tiger King; Carole Baskin, am I right?”

Mr. Bliss

Me every 5 minutes during the Gargano/Ciampa match:

troi

I actually love that Johnny won because he has a friend besides Ciampa

The Voice of Raisin

In any other promotion, this match ends with Father James Mitchell showing up to tell Gargano and Ciampa that they’re already in hell and have to literally fight forever.

Frinkiac

That’s it for this week’s Best and Worst of NXT. Does that count as the first bad TakeOver?

As always, make sure to drop down into our comments section and let us know what you thought of the episode, and if you liked or laughed at anything in here, give us a share on social media to help us out. It helps more than you know, especially during all this COVID-19 nightmare where we’re trying to keep freelancers lancing freely writing about almost wrestling shows.

Join us here next week for the beginning of the Jordan Devlin Memorial Interim Cruiserweight Champion Tournament, and Dakota Kai and Tegan Nox blowing off their feud in a dramatically shot, 45-minute fight in the woods that ends with Raquel Gonzalez throwing Kai into a well. See you then!

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Black Thought Gives A Cozy Tiny Desk Concert Performance From His Home Office

With so many artists performing entire concerts from their own living rooms lately, it was only a matter of time before NPR’s Tiny Desk Concerts series got in on the action. After kicking off the Tiny Desk (Home) Concert series in March with Soccer Mommy, NPR has kept the party going with an eclectic roster of guests including Margo Price, Michael McDonald, and Tank from Tank and The Bangas. The latest addition to the collection is none other than The Roots’ Black Thought, whose performance doubles as the first entry into his own Streams Of Thought series.

While explaining that Streams Of Thought won’t always consist of musical performances, Thought does make his performance well-worth tuning into as he tears through a breathless rendition of “Thought Vs. Everybody” from his upcoming Streams of Thought Vol. 3 EP, then offers a preview of “Yellow” from his upcoming off-Broadway musical Black No More. The set closes with “Nature Of The Beast,” which also comes from the third Streams Of Thought EP, and features a guest appearance from Portugal. The Man, as well as a callback to “What We Do,” The 1995 Roots single that almost sparked a beef between Black Thought and The Notorious B.I.G.

Thought’s desk is impressive, with Grammys, gold and platinum plaques, and some thought-provoking reading material stacked up behind him, but the rapper is as relaxed as we’ve ever seen him as his lounges in his comfy armchair in socks and slides.

Watch Black Thought’s Tiny Desk (Home) Concert above.