Category: Trending

Last week, rumors about Selena Gomez, that she is in a relationship with producer Benny Blanco, came to a head when she addressed them herself. In some Instagram comments, she wrote, “He is my absolute everything in my heart” and called him “the best thing that’s ever happened to me” and “better than anyone I’ve ever been with.”

Now, they’ve gone ahead and made it Instagram-official.

Late last night/early this morning (December 15), Gomez posted a gallery captioned, “New York, my favorite moments w you this week [white heart emoji].” Blanco appears in a couple of the photos: One where he hugs her from behind as she’s seated, and a black-and-white snap of them kissing.

Blanco, ever the goofball, commented on the post with a pineapple emoji.

There have been a number of new high-profile relationships to surface in the pop world in 2023. Of course, there’s Gomez pal Taylor Swift (who’s featured in one of the photos from the post above) linking up with NFL star Travis Kelce. More recently, Olivia Rodrigo has been linked with Enola Holmes actor Louis Partridge, after they were spotted making out outside of a gas station earlier this week.

One thing Gomez doesn’t have in common with those two is that, unlike them, she was just named one of the most popular artists on TikTok for 2023.

Has Tom Cruise found someone to share his Christmas cake with?

The Mission: Impossible actor was reportedly spotted “canoodling” at a party in London with Elsina Khayrova, who the Daily Mail described as “the daughter of a prominent Russian MP and ex-wife of a diamond-trading oligarch.”

The former husband, Dmitry Tsetkov, offered Cruise some advice about being with Khayrova. “Irrespective of whoever she’s with, Tom Cruise or anybody else, they should be aware that she likes the finer things in life and has expensive and luxurious taste. Tom should keep his eyes and wallet wide open,” he told the Daily Mail. “I’m happy for her, I wish her all the best.”

Mr. Tsetkov, 43, who made his fortune in diamonds and mining, claims that his acrimonious three-year divorce battle cost him £150million [$190 million]. He says he watched his fortune dwindle from £200million [$253 million] while he was with his wife to just £50million [$63 million] afterwards as he was forced to sell off his assets to pay legal fees or hand them over to his wife.

Tsetkov hasn’t spoken to Khayrova since the rumors started “because our preferred method of communication is through our lawyers. She’s 36, she’s beautiful, financially independent and loves life.” He said she’s “never been a big Tom Cruise fan,” but he is. In fact, Khayrova, who has survived multiple assassination attempts, was “in talks” with a producer about making a movie based on his life. Who does he want to play him? Tom Cruise, of course.

“I told the producer that the only actor who could play me is Tom Cruise. We’re about the same height and weight and I would be honored if that could happen. I couldn’t think of anyone better to play me than Tom. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to meet him one day to discuss this project,” he said.

In the spirit of the holiday season, Cruise, Tsetkov, and Khayrova should gather around the fireplace, drink hot chocolate, and watch a Christmas movie together. I hear Eyes Wide Shut is a good one.

(Via the Daily Mail)

In hip-hop’s 50 years, crews, groups, collectives, labels, or whatever you’d like to refer to them have always been around. Some of the most prevalent back in the day include Death Row, Roc-A-Fella, Cash Money, and No Limit Records. But in today’s time, the first record label to come to mind for most is Quality Control Music (or QC). But standing out against the big wigs isn’t as simple as it may seem.

“The Paradigm” rapper Lil Yachty spilled the beans behind his early days on the label. His confession revealed that, at one point, there was even some pinned-up energy between him and the label’s biggest act, Migos. So, why did Lil Yachty have a ‘friendly beef’ with Migos early in his career?

Yesterday (December 14), on his podcast, A Safe Place, while chatting with QC’s founders Kevin “Coach K” Lee and Pierre “P” Thomas, Yachty recounted the brotherly tension. “Quavo used to be so mean to me! It became like a friendly beef. It was like this thing of battling with me against all three Migos when it came to cars, when it came to jewelry, when it came to women, when it came to clothes, everything,” said Yachty.

He continued, “When Quavo got a new chain, I had to get a new chain. Offset got a new chain, I get a new chain. Takeoff get a new watch, I would go and get a new watch. I used to always feel like everyone was trying to little bro me. At first, they thought I was weird as sh*t. They was like, ‘This n**** is weird as f*ck.’”

Eventually, the two became close friends after Yachty was able to make it through that haze-like period.

Watch the full interview above.

In 2013, I found out I was pregnant with triplets.

Image via iStock.

My husband and I were in shock but thrilled at the news after dealing with infertility for years. And it didn’t take long for the comments to begin. When people found out, the usual remarks followed: “Triplets?! What are you going to do? Three kids at once?! Glad it’s not me!”

After mastering my response (and an evil look reserved for the rudest comments), I figured that was the worst of it. But little did I know I would be facing far worse comments after two of my triplets passed away.

On June 23, 2013, I gave birth to my triplets, more than four months premature.

My daughter, Abigail, passed away that same day; my son, Parker, died just shy of 2 months old. Before then, I didn’t know much about child loss; it was uncharted territory. Like most people, I wouldn’t know how to respond or what to say if a friend’s child passed away.

Image via iStock.

But two years later, I have found that some things are better left unsaid. These comments come from a good place, and I know people mean well, but they sure do sting.

Here are my top five things not to say to a grieving parent — and the thing I love to hear instead.

1. “Everything happens for a reason.”

It’s a cringeworthy comment for those of us who have lost a child. Sometimes, there is no rhyme or reason for why things happen in life. A parent should not outlive their child. I don’t know why my body couldn’t handle my pregnancy or why I went into labor at 22 weeks.

This phrase goes along with another I often hear: “God only gives us what we can handle.” I remember talking with my childhood rabbi the night before my son passed away, and I asked her, “Why me?” Her response is something I now live by every single day. She said, “God doesn’t give us only what we can handle. He helps us handle what we’ve been given.”

2. “They are in a better place.”

Instead of comforting, this is a phrase that makes me feel down in the dumps. I longed to be a parent for so many years. And children are meant to be in the loving arms of their parents.

I think I speak for every grieving mother and father when I say, we would give anything to hold our babies again.

3. “At least you have one survivor. Count your blessings.”

I like to think of myself as a positive person. But even two years later, my heart still aches for Parker and Abby. And on the most difficult, dark days of grief, it’s hard to “count my blessings.”

Yes, I am blessed. I have a gorgeous miracle child who is the light of my life. But Peyton should be playing with her brother and sister in our home, not just waving to their pictures and blowing kisses to heaven.

4. “You are still young. You can have more children.”

It doesn’t matter whether or not our biological clock is ticking. Many people have no idea what couples go through to have a child: Some can’t have children of their own; others may face years of infertility or miscarriages. And for people like me, trying for more children may be something too scary to even think about. I came close to death after delivering my children — that’s enough to scar me for life.

5. “I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t imagine losing two children.”

Some days I don’t know how I do it either. But we learn how to live with it. We learn a “new normal,” and in those tough moments, we celebrate that we survived the day. This comment is a difficult reminder of our grief and the children who were sent to heaven.

So, what should you say to a grieving parent?

There are no words to take the pain away, of course, but simply letting that person know you are there for them is more than enough.

For me, the best thing someone can do is to talk about my angels. Say Parker and Abby by name, and don’t be afraid to ask questions about them.

While they were only here for a short time, they left a huge imprint on this world. I love talking about my angels, and simply hearing someone else mention them by name is enough to wipe away the grief and warm my heart for days.

This article was written by Stacey Skrysak and originally appeared on July 15, 2016

Lisa Sandoval was walking near the waterfront in the small town of North Rustico on Prince Edward Island in Canada when she thought someone called out to her. “I heard someone call out to me, ‘Hello! Hello!” Sandoval told The Dodo. “I turned around and no one was there. Then I heard the voice again. ‘Hello! Hello!’ I got a little scared, then thought to myself, ‘Am I hearing things?’”

Then she realized the only living thing around her was a crow high atop its perch.

“I stopped and said, ‘Hello?’” Sandoval continued. “And to my shock, he answered me back. ‘Hello! Hello!’”

She later learned that others in town had encountered the bird. The rumor is that it was taught to speak by an older man who cared for it when it was injured as a baby. When the crow got better, the man set it free.

Months later, Sandoval came in contact with the crow again and filmed their interaction.

Talking Crow From Canada !!! Hello Hello🤔🤔🤔

@thedarksuperman

Talking Crow From Canada !!! Hello Hello🤔🤔🤔

When most people think about talking birds, parrots come to mind. However, according to bird expert Patrick O’Donnell at Bordzilla, crows are highly intelligent and can also replicate human speech. “It is possible to teach a crow to say words but not actually to talk,” O’Donnell wrote at Birdzilla. “No bird can really talk with human speech, even ones with a wide vocabulary. However, crows can be taught to mimic a number of words and the process is similar to the ways in which Parrots are taught words.”

Have you ever stood in the pet food aisle, overwhelmed by the endless options, yet feeling like none of them truly meet your dog’s needs? You’re not alone. The quest for the right dog food can be daunting, especially when aiming for a blend of nutrition, taste, and health benefits. Luckily, there’s PetPlate, a trailblazer in transforming dog diets with a difference you can see and your dog can taste.

PetPlate doesn’t just make dog food; they create customized, fresh, and nutritious meals tailored to your dog’s unique dietary requirements and preferences. Imagine the relief of ditching the guesswork, knowing each meal is expertly crafted to support your dog’s health and happiness. And the cherry on top? This culinary delight for your canine companion is delivered conveniently to your doorstep. With PetPlate, you’re not just feeding your dog; you’re nurturing their well-being, meal by meal.

The PetPlate Difference: Quality and Customization

The phrase “you are what you eat” holds just as true for our four-legged friends as it does for us. That’s where PetPlate steps in, turning the ordinary into the extraordinary. Every meal from PetPlate is a testament to quality, crafted from human-grade ingredients – the kind you’d find on your plate. We’re talking real meat, fresh vegetables, and wholesome grains, all combined to create nutritionally balanced meals for which any dog would wag their tail.

But PetPlate doesn’t just stop at quality ingredients; they elevate mealtime with customization that speaks to your dog’s individuality. Whether it’s a pup with a sensitive stomach or an older dog needing joint support, PetPlate tailors each meal to fit your dog’s specific dietary needs and preferences. This personalized approach ensures that your furry family member isn’t just eating – they’re thriving. It’s like having a personal chef for your dog who knows just what they need for their health and happiness.

Vet-Designed for Optimal Nutrition

At the core of PetPlate’s philosophy is a commitment to not just feed but to nourish. This is where their team of veterinary nutritionists comes into play, turning each meal into a powerhouse of health. These aren’t just random recipes; they’re carefully crafted diets designed with a vet’s expertise to ensure your dog gets the right balance of proteins, fats, vitamins, and minerals. Whether supporting a shiny coat, boosting energy levels, or maintaining a healthy weight, PetPlate’s meals are tailored to address a wide range of canine health needs.

This meticulous attention to nutritional detail means you provide more than just food. You’re offering a foundation for long-term health and vitality, specifically molded to the unique requirements of your beloved pet. It’s not just about filling a bowl; it’s about fulfilling a commitment to your dog’s well-being.

Convenience

In today’s fast-paced world where convenience is king, PetPlate reigns supreme. Imagine never having to lug heavy bags of dog food from the store again. PetPlate brings the ultimate ease to your doorstep with its efficient delivery service.

Flexible meal plans? Check. Adjustable scheduling? Absolutely. Whether adjusting portion sizes or pausing deliveries while on vacation, PetPlate adapts to your lifestyle. It’s not just about feeding your dog; it’s about fitting seamlessly into your life. With PetPlate, mealtime for your furry friend becomes one less thing on your to-do list, yet one more way you’re providing the best for them.

Sustainable and Eco-Friendly

In a world where environmental consciousness is more important than ever, PetPlate stands out with its green paws forward. This isn’t just about feeding dogs; it’s about doing it responsibly.

PetPlate’s meals come in BPA-free, recyclable packaging, ensuring that your dog’s health and the planet’s well-being go hand in paw. It’s a commitment that extends beyond the bowl, reducing the environmental pawprint one meal at a time. With PetPlate, you’re not just choosing a healthy meal for your furry friend but also making an eco-friendly choice that benefits our planet.

Satisfaction Guaranteed

Don’t just take our word for it; the wagging tails and bright eyes speak volumes. PetPlate’s commitment to satisfaction shines through in its responsive customer service and robust satisfaction guarantee.

If your pooch doesn’t fall head over paws in love with their meals, PetPlate has got you covered. This dedication to happiness – yours and your dog’s – has built a community of satisfied, loyal customers, echoing their positive experiences and heartwarming stories.

Join the PetPlate Family

Ready to turn mealtime into a joyous journey for your pup? Join the PetPlate family today and witness the transformation in your dog’s health and happiness. Simply visit PetPlate’s website to start tailoring your dog’s path to better nutrition and a more vibrant life. Your furry friend’s journey to wellness is just a click away!

By the end of her first week living in Denmark, Helen Russell was worried about her husband’s brand-new job.

She explained in an article she wrote for Stylist that she was sure Lego had fired him already because he kept coming home early.

Originally from the U.K., Russell was used to her home country’s work customs, where late nights and long hours were worn as a badge of honor. She felt surprised and embarrassed when her husband first came home from work in the early afternoon — she’d hardly started her own day of freelance writing.

The trend continued, she said, and by Friday, her husband was strolling through the door as early as 2:30 p.m. But it wasn’t a reflection of his work ethic. It turns out, in Denmark, working fewer hours is … just what people do.

This healthy work-life balance is such a crucial part of Danish culture that they even boast about it on the country’s official website.

It’s a major point of pride for Denmark, which has a reputation for being the happiest country in the world. The government encourages a 37-hour workweek, a designated lunch break, a minimum five weeks of paid vacation, extended and paid parental leave, and flexible schedules with the option to work from home as well as incentives for child care. On average, Danes spend less than one-third of their time working — and yet, they’re still more productive than most of the European Union or the United States.

You might be thinking, “What’s the catch?” But the truth is that Danish values and national attitudes are behind the country’s commitment to work-life balance.

1. Workers in Denmark are trusted to deliver on whatever their job is.

By and large, people want to work. They want to do a good job. But many people wrongly assume that others are inherently lazy, that work is a reflection of our moral values, and that time equals productivity. (But, in fact, a lot of jobs that exist today aren’t even measurably productive.)

So what if, instead of finding ways to pass the time until the clock hits 5 p.m., we just did what we had to do for work and then called it a day? What if you were actually empowered to take personal responsibility into your own hands rather than relying on the threats of a manager lurking in the corner making sure you put in the physical time at a desk?

That’s what Denmark does. As Russell writes that one of her Danish friends explained to her, “Come Cinderella hour — home time — everyone from the receptionist to the CEO goes. We’re trusted to do a good job; do our work; then leave.” Maybe that’s how they get so much stuff done?

2. Family is obviously important, but in Danish culture, people are actually encouraged to value their families — and everyone else respects it.

According to Russell’s experience, it’s totally normal for people in Denmark to list their child care pickups and other family business in their digital calendars for others to see. There shouldn’t be any shame in prioritizing family. (And if you don’t have a family? You deserve the same freedom.) Also in Denmark, child care is tax-deductible, and the state provides maid services and pensions for the elderly.

This emphasis on family extends to the country’s educational approach as well. Rather than using an exam-based schooling system, Denmark is “hugely child-centered and this leads to well-rounded and enthusiastic children,” according to teacher Stephanie Lambert, another transplant from Britain.

The country’s focus on fewer working hours frees up educators to invest in the personalized needs of students as individuals rather than stressing about uniform success. And as a result, Danish children have these same values instilled in them from a young age. It’s ingrained in them by the time they join the workforce, and they’ll pass these same values down.

3. Danes also recognize work and play shouldn’t be at odds with one another. Everyone benefits from a little R and R — workers and bosses.

More work means more stress, which means more health problems and less getting done. Maybe that’s one reason why the Danes spend so much less on health care?

Studies have shown vacations make our brains more creative, which is why vacation days should not be treated as some rare commodity, hoarded like gold for some far-future payoff, or used to cover for other personal matters. People in Denmark receive a minimum five weeks of paid vacation time, and they actually use it — without any fear of shame or social stigma.

It’s a simple truth that many Danes recognize, from day laborers to high-end executives: Happier workers are better workers. “We think everyone has a right to be respected, from a CEO to a janitor,” Danish psychotherapist Iben Sandahl told The Local. “We try to teach our children to focus on the good in themselves and others rather than on status or labels.”

Denmark’s model of work-life balance is proof that time is not the same as productivity, and treating people well is actually better for everyone.

Granted, there are some people who think the Danish secret to happiness is actually just lowered expectations. Yet, being humble, realistic, and appreciative isn’t such a bad thing.

Either way, the Danes have proven a healthy moderation of labor and leisure is not only possible, but it’s measurably preferable to forcing people to live to work and work themselves to death. Maybe it’s time the rest of us followed their example.

This article originally appeared on November 23, 2016

Recently, UPS driver Skyler Stutzman shocked millions of viewers by revealing how much he made in a week. But besides the hefty paycheck, there might be a few other things about the job that could surprise you.

As explained by an article in Tough Nickel, the company began in Seattle, Washington in 1907, where it was first named The American Messenger Company and focused primarily on delivering to retail stores, not individuals, via bikes or motorcycles.

That is until 1913, when a Model T ford became the company’s first delivery truck. Only six years later, it would begin expanding deliveries to California (and change its name to UPS).

Business would keep growing until it became the company we know today. And now, every day, around 330,000 UPS drivers are responsible for delivering 24.3 million packages around the world. Rain or shine.

As you can imagine, a lot must happen on those routes. Here are a few lesser known facts about what it’s like to don the all brown uniform and drive the matching truck. Or as UPs exclusively calls it…the “package car.”

1. Know those little handheld computer drivers carry around? That’s to monitor their every move.

In 2014, Jack Levis, UPS’s director of process management, told NPR that “one minute per driver per day over the course of a year adds up to $14.5 million,” and “one minute of idle per driver per day is worth $500,000 of fuel at the end of the year.”

In other words, time is money, and UPS doesn’t want to waste even a fraction of it. So the DIADs (short for Delivery Information Acquisition Devices) drivers carry around don’t just scan barcodes and collect signatures—they track their productivity as well.

But that’s not all. The trucks also track every mile driven, and are constantly making sure that employees are as efficient as possible as they deliver hundreds of packages each day. You’d be hard pressed to find a job that hasn’t been changed by technology, I suppose.

2. One does not simply become a UPS driver overnight. They must go to bootcamp.

“Integrad,” is a mandatory safety-focused class which teaches hopeful drivers how to handle heavy boxes, start the truck with one hand while buckling up with the other to save time (again, UPS is all about efficiency) and how to walk on ice and other slippery surfaces with their special “slip and fall” machine…which actually sounds kind of fun.

3. You’ll rarely see a UPS vehicle turn left or go in reverse.

This is all for safety reasons. And…you guessed it…efficiency.

When it comes to left turns, UPS encourages drivers to not use them, since it leaves them sitting in traffic longer. The theory must be somewhat sound as it’s helped the company save more than 10 million gallons of fuel over the past decade. Plus left turns are more likely to result in dangerous crashes. ( Harvard Business Review)

As for reversing, drivers are told not to do it unless it’s to back up into a loading dock, as any type of reverse coming from a windowless box-type truck can result in damage.

4. UPS drivers have to supply their own system if they want to listen to music.

UPS package cars don’t come with radios, since it’s technically an unnecessary cost and the company tries to keep bells and whistles to a minimum (however it defies that logic by wanting to install surveillance cameras, but that’s another conversation).

So, drivers have to find their own way to listen to some jams. Or maybe they simply enjoy the silence.

5. Zero accidents gets you a pretty sweet bomber jacket.

UPS “Circle of Honor” inducts drivers with 25 years of accident-free driving, awarding them a special patch and a bomber jacket. No easy feat for anyone in this distraction filled world.

6. Extremely hot vehicles were a well known hazard of the job. Until now.

Over the span of just four years, over 100 UPS workers were treated for heat-related illnesses, according to NBC News. And in July 2022, a 24-year-old UPS driver in California died last summer from suspected dehydration or heat stroke.

Many workers began criticizing the company for not protecting their drivers against the dangerously high temperatures, even sharing the scorching heat readings in their trucks. And after a threat to strike, the teamsters secured air conditioning in all UPS vehicles after January 1, 2024.

7. Pee breaks are a pain.

Remember the time-tracking DIADs? According to The Nation, drivers will be accused of “stealing time” if the track drivers for taking too long at stops. This includes potty breaks. Not to mention it explains why they never get into conversations.

This leaves many UPS drivers with no choice other than to piggyback bathroom time onto other pit stops like getting gas. Or, in more desperate costumes, they must get more creative. As one driver shared with Tampa Bay Times, he and others often urinate in the truck, using makeshift containers like cups and bottles. Fun.

10. Meeting your UPS driver halfway could make their whole day.

via GIPHY

In a 2012 Reddit thread, one driver shared, “if you see them pulling up and you aren’t in the middle of something, meet them half way, or walk up to their truck.…I would get home 10–15 minutes earlier and actually get to spend time with my family.”

11. Beards used to be a no-no.

UPS was a little behind the times when it came to its strict facial hair policies up until 2020. Thankfully, the new rules allow beards, as well as longer hair and natural Black hairstyles like Afros, braids, locs, twists and knots.

12. Many really do love their job…especially the people they deliver to.

As one driver anonymously shared with Business Insider, One of the nice things about my job is getting to know the people on my route…If you take the time to say hello to people and parents can trust you to drive safely and slowly in their neighborhoods, they’re very kind.Sometimes, there will be kids waiting for me on my route because they know I’m coming and they just want to say hi.”

A dad from Portland, Oregon, has taken to LinkedIn to write an emotional plea to parents after he learned that his son had died during a conference call at work. J.R. Storment, of Portland, Oregon, encouraged parents to spend less time at work and more time with their kids after his son’s death.

In an open letter on LinkedIn, which has so far garnered over 26,000 likes and 2,700 comments, Storment explains that his son, Wiley, passed away during his sleep as a result of complications from his mild epilepsy. He then goes on to blast himself for not spending enough time with his son, and encourages other parents to take more time off work.

Storment starts by explaining that the day his son passed away started like any other:

“Eight years ago, during the same month, I had twin boys and co-founded Cloudability. About three months ago Cloudability was acquired. About three weeks ago we lost one of our boys.”

“When I got the call I was sitting in a conference room with 12 people at our Portland office talking about PTO policies. Minutes earlier, I had admitted to the group that in the last 8 years I’d not taken more than a contiguous week off.”

That’s when Storment received a call from his distraught wife.

“My wife and I have an agreement that when one of us calls, the other answers. So when the phone rang I stood up and walked to the conference room door immediately.”

“I was still walking through the door when I answered with ‘Hey, what’s up?'”

“Her reply was icy and immediate: ‘J.R., Wiley is dead.'”

“‘What?’ I responded incredulously.”

“‘Wiley has died.’ she reiterated.”

“‘What?! No.’ I yelled out, ‘No!'”

“‘I’m so sorry, I have to call 911.'”

Storment goes on to explain the chaos that happened next.

“That was the entire conversation. The next thing I know I’m sprinting out the front door of the office with my car keys in hand, running ferociously across the street and muttering ‘oh F**k. oh F**k. oh F**k.’ Half way down the block I realize I don’t have the opener to my parking garage. Running back into the lobby, I all but shout “Someone drive me! Somebody drive me!” Thankfully, a helpful colleague did.”

Storment made it home, but not yet knowing the cause of death, police were treating the house as a possible crime scene. The heartbroken father was unable to see his son for two and a half hours.

“When the medical examiner finally finished his work, we were allowed in the room. An eerie calm came over me. I laid down next to him in the bed that he loved, held his hand and kept repeating, ‘What happened, buddy? What happened?'”

“We stayed next to him for maybe 30 minutes and stroked his hair before they returned with a gurney to take him away. I walked him out, holding his hand and his forehead through the body bag as he was wheeled down our driveway. Then all the cars drove away. The last one to leave was the black minivan with Wiley in it.”

Storment goes on to explain his son’s dreams and aspirations, and the difficulty he had signing his son’s death certificate.

“Wiley was obsessed with starting a business. One day it was a smoothie stand, the next it would be a gallery, then a VR headset company, then a ‘coder’, then a spaceship building company. In each of these scenarios he was the boss. His brother (and sometimes us) were invited to work for—not with— him and were each assigned jobs. In the gallery scenario, Wiley informed Oliver that he would be manning the cash register.”

“Around 5 years old, Wiley decided he was going to get married as an adult. By 6 he had identified the girl, holding her hand at recess on the first day of kindergarten. Over the next two years as we moved from Portland to London to Hawaii, he kept in touch with her by handwritten letter. Not long before we moved back to Portland, the two agreed (by letter) to marry. She beat him to the punch and asked him. He accepted. Happily, he got to see her twice after we moved back to Portland in June.”

“One of the countless difficult moments of this month was signing his death certificate. Seeing his name written on the top of it was hard. However, two fields further down the form crushed me. The first said: ‘Occupation: Never worked’ and the next: ‘Marital Status: Never married.’ He wanted so badly to do both of those things. I feel both fortunate and guilty to have had success in each.”

Storment then criticises himself for spending too much time at work. And while it sounds that Wiley got to live an amazing life, Storment only wishes he could have done more with him.

“Over the last three weeks I have come up with an endless stream of things I regret. They tend to fall into two categories: things I wish I had done differently and things I’m sad not to see him do. My wife is constantly reminding me of all the things he did do: Wiley went to 10 countries, drove a car on a farm road in Hawaii, hiked in Greece, snorkeled in Fiji, wore a suit to a fantastic British prep school every day for two years, got rescued from a shark on a jet ski, kissed multiple girls, got good enough at chess to beat me twice in a row, wrote short stories and drew comics obsessively.”

Storment hadn’t checked on the boys the morning of the tragedy because he had to get up early for meetings, a decision he seems to regret.

“Around 5:40am, the next morning I woke up for a series of back to back meetings. I did a Peloton ride, took an analyst call from my home office, one with a colleague on the drive to work, then the rest at the office. None seem that important now. I left that morning without saying goodbye or checking on the boys.”

Storment has a simple message for parents:

“Many have asked what they can do to help. Hug your kids. Don’t work too late. A lot of the things you are likely spending your time on you’ll regret once you no longer have the time. I’m guessing you have 1:1 meetings on the books with a lot of people you work with. Do you have them regularly scheduled with your kids? If there’s any lesson to take away from this, it’s to remind others (and myself) not to miss out on the things that matter.”

“The big question is how to return to work in a way that won’t leave me again with the regrets I have now. To be honest, I’ve considered not going back. But I believe in the words of Kahlil Gibran who said, ‘Work is love made visible.’ To me, that line is a testament to how much we gain, grow and offer through the work we do. But that work needs to have a balance that I have rarely lived. It’s a balance that lets us offer our gifts to the world but not at the cost of self and family.”

“While I sat writing this post, my living son, Oliver, came in to ask for screen time. Instead of saying the usual ‘no’, I stopped writing and asked if I could play with him. He was happily surprised by my answer and we connected in a way I would have formerly missed out on. Small things matter. One silver lining from this tragedy is the improving relationship I have with him.”

“Our family has gone from having two units of two (the parents and the twins) to now being a triangle of three. That’s a big adjustment for a family that has always been four. Oliver’s brilliant reply when we discussed the shape of our new family: ‘But Papa, the triangle is the strongest shape.’ By some sad and beautiful irony, Oliver has met three sets of 8-year-old twins in our new neighborhood since Wiley passed.”

“I’ve learned to stop waiting to do the things the kids ask for. When we sold the business I gave each of the boys a $100 dollar bill. They decided to pool their money to buy a tent for camping. But we didn’t make it happen before Wiley died. Another regret. So, after the first round of family visits after his death, I took Jessica and Oliver to REI to get gear and we left town quickly to camp near Mt. St. Helens.”

“Somehow, we got to the wilderness without enough cash to cover the campground fee and had a slight panic. Jessica then realized that Wiley’s $100 bill was still in his seat pocket. He got to spend his money on camping after all. Collectively, the family said a big, ‘Thanks, buddy’ out-loud to him. It was one of many bittersweet moments we will experience for the rest of our lives. Each happy time brings with it the sadness that he doesn’t get to experience it.”

“One of Wiley’s happy times was listening to music and dancing. Damn, could that kid dance. He loved the Oregon Country Fair and the year before we left for London, we listened to a band there play a version of ‘Enjoy yourself (It’s later than you think)‘. The words stuck with me that day three years ago and painfully so now:”

“You work and work for years and years, you’re always on the go

You never take a minute off, too busy makin’ dough

Someday, you say, you’ll have your fun, when you’re a millionaire

Imagine all the fun you’ll have in your old rockin’ chair

Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think

Enjoy yourself, while you’re still in the pink

The years go by, as quickly as a wink

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think”

This article originally appeared on 07.10.21

Any time conversations about wealth and poverty come up, people inevitably start talking about boots.

The standard phrase that comes up is “pull yourself up by your bootstraps,” which is usually shorthand for “work harder and don’t ask for or expect help.” (The fact that the phrase was originally used sarcastically because pulling oneself up by one’s bootstraps is literally, physically impossible is rarely acknowledged, but c’est la vie.) The idea that people who build wealth do so because they individually work harder than poor people is baked into the American consciousness and wrapped up in the ideal of the American dream.

A different take on boots and building wealth, however, paints a more accurate picture of what it takes to get out of poverty.

Author Terry Pratchett is no longer with us, but his writing lives on and is occasionally shared on his official social media accounts. Recently, his Twitter page shared the “Sam Vimes ‘Boots’ Theory of Socioeconomic Unfairness” from Pratchett’s 1993 book “Men At Arms.” This boots theory explains that one reason the rich are able to get richer is because they are able to spend less money.

If that sounds confusing, read on:

u2026 He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of okay for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollarsu2026n2/5

— Terry Pratchett (@Terry Pratchett)
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Pratchett wrote:

“The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money.

Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles.

But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that’d still be keeping his feet dry in ten years’ time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet.”

In other words, people who have the money to spend a little more upfront often end up spending less in the long run. A $50 pair of boots that last five years essentially cost you $10 a year. But if you can only afford $10 upfront for a pair of boots that last six months, that’s what you buy—and you end up paying twice as much over a five-year period.

There are so many areas in which this principle applies when you’re poor. Buying in bulk saves you money over the long run, but you have to be able to afford the bulk cost up front. A reliable car that doesn’t require regular repairs will cost more than a beater, but if the beater is all you can afford, that’s what you’re stuck with. You’ll likely spend the same or more over time than if you’d bought a newer/higher quality car, but without the capital (or the credit rating) to begin with, you don’t have much choice.

People who can afford larger down payments pay lower interest rates, saving them money both immediately and in the long run. People who can afford to buy more can spend more with credit cards, pay off the balances, build up good credit and qualify for lower interest rate loans.

There are lots of good financial decisions and strategies one can utilize if one has the ability to build up some cash. But if you are living paycheck to paycheck, you can’t.

Climbing the financial ladder requires getting to the bottom rung first. Those who started off anywhere on the ladder can make all kinds of pronouncements about how to climb it—good, sound advice that really does work if you’re already on the ladder. But for people living in poverty, the bottom rung is just out of reach, and the walls you have to climb to get to it are slippery. It’s expensive to be poor.

When people talk about how hard it is to climb out of poverty, this is a big part of what they mean. Ladder-climbing advice is useless if you can’t actually get to the ladder. And yet, far too many people decry offering people assistance that might help them reach the ladder so they can start taking advantage of all that great financial advice. Why? Perhaps because they were born somewhere on the ladder—even if it was the bottom rung—and aren’t aware that there are people for whom the ladder is out of reach. Or perhaps they’re unaware of how expensive it is to be poor and how the costs of poverty keep people stuck in the pit. Hopefully, this theory will help more people understand and sympathize with the reality of being poor.

Money makes money, but having money also saves you money. The more money you have, the more wealth you’re able to build not only because you have extra money to save, but also because you buy higher quality things that last, therefore spending less in the long run. (There’s also the reality that the uber-wealthy will pay $5,000 for shoes they’ll only wear a few times, but that’s a whole other kind of boots story.)

Thanks, Terry Pratchett, for the simple explanation.

This story originally appeared on 01.28.22