Category: Worldwide

Nick Cannon joked that he was spending Christmas like Santa Claus and “traveling all night” to see his 11 children. But Alyssa Scott confirmed today, December 29, that she and Cannon welcomed another baby on December 14 — a girl named Halo Marie Cannon. Halo is Cannon’s 12th child overall and second with Scott. The two previously had Zen, who tragically passed away from brain cancer at five months old last December.

“December 14 2022. Our lives are forever changed,” Scott captioned her Instagram video. “Zen is in every breath I take. I know his spirit was with us in the room that morning. I know he is watching down on us. He shows me signs everyday. I will hold onto this memory forever. I will remember the sound of Nicks voice saying ‘it’s a girl’ and the look of everything we’ve been through flash across his face. I will remember the sound of her crying out with her first breath and feeling her heartbeat against mine. My sweet girl, I got my surprise!! We love you Halo Marie Cannon!”

The video begins with a tribute to Zen and the quote, “Grief is the love inside you shedding its skin, becoming a new form of love.” There are shots of Scott’s “Zen” tattoo and her rubbing her baby bump before we’re taken inside the delivery room. There, Cannon is beaming as Halo made her way into the world — becoming the first one to hold her and exclaim in surprised excitement, “A girl!” Cannon then hands a screaming Halo to an emotional Scott.

On December 5, Cannon had posted a lengthy tribute to Zen around the first anniversary of his death.

“Physically I’m definitely on the mend but Mentally and Spiritually I’m broken,” he wrote. “Been tossing and turning all night, and as much as I know I need rest, last night I couldn’t sleep at all. I can’t believe it’s been a year already since the toughest day of my life occurred. Such a painful anniversary. Losing a child has to be the heaviest, most dark and depressive experiences that I will never get over.”

He continued, “A mixture of guilt, pain, and sorrow is what I suppress daily. I am far from perfect and often fall short and make decisions in my life that many question, but anyone who knows me knows my heart. I love hard, I love big and I love with my entire Heart and Soul and I just wish my Little Man could’ve felt more of that love while he was here on Earth. One of my Spiritual Leaders recently told me that I am in the midst of one of the most challenging seasons of my life, but encouraged me to be steadfast and know that all of this will only make me stronger, and to not lean on my own understanding but to rely on the the peace that surpasses all. But let me tell you, it’s tough… I know a few days ago I wrote a post from my hospital bed saying I will be okay and I just needed rest so don’t waste your prayers on me but I can definitely use those prayers right now… Continue to Peacefully Rest My Son, Zen Scott Cannon. We Love you Eternally.”

Cannon was referring to his early December hospitalization due to pneumonia.

Scott confirmed her pregnancy in October, and Cannon was featured in intimate maternity photos in early November.

On November 11, Cannon welcomed Zeppelin Cannon, his 11th child, with Abby De La Rosa, with whom he already shared 18-month-old twin sons Zion and Zillion.

This year was packed with great music, featuring long-awaited comebacks from artists like SZA and Beyonce as well as infectious, record-breaking hits like Harry Styles’s “As It Was” and Taylor Swift’s “Anti-Hero.” However, statistics from Chart Data on Twitter show a significant decline in the number of hits from last year to this year.

In a tweet, the account shared the 14 songs that were No. 1s this year: “Easy On Me” by Adele, “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” by Charlie Puth, “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals, “As It Was” by Styles, “First Class” by Jack Harlow, “Wait For U” by Future, “Jimmy Cooks” by Drake and 21 Savage, “About Damn Time” by Lizzo, “Break My Soul” by Beyonce, “Super Freaky Girl” by Nicki Minaj, “Bad Habit” by Steve Lacy, “Unholy” by Sam Smith and Kim Petras, “Anti-Hero” by Swift, and finally “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey.

Last year, however, had 19 No. 1s. This included “Drivers License” by Olivia Rodrigo, “What’s Next” by Drake, “Up” by Cardi B, “Peaches” by Justin Bieber, “Montero (Call Me By Your Name)” by Lil Nas X, “Leave The Door Open” by Silk Sonic, “Rapstar” by Polo G, “Save Your Tears” by The Weeknd, “Good 4 U” by Rodrigo, “Butter” by BTS, “Permission To Dance,” by BTS, “Stay” by Bieber and The Kid Laroi, “Way 2 Sexy” by Drake, “My Universe” by BTS and Coldplay, “Industry Baby” by Lil Nas X and Jack Harlow “Easy On Me” by Adele, and “All Too Well (Taylor’s Version)” by Swift.

Some artists covered here are Warner Music artists. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

How was your 2022? Unless your answer is “one of the Spice Girls thinks I’m a d*ckhead,” you had a better year than James Corden.

The Late Late Show host was called a “tiny Cretin of a man” by Balthazar owner Keith McNally for being an “abusive customer” to his restaurant staff. Corden was also embroiled in multiple joke-stealing controversies, and Mel B accused him of being a “d*ckhead.” No wonder he’s retiring from the late-night show in 2023.

But that’s next year. 2022 couldn’t end without one more celebrity calling out him by name. This time, it’s Watch What Happens Live host Andy Cohen, who believes Corden copied his set for The Late Late Show.

“I don’t feel totally part of the [late-night host] group. I’ve been on late-night TV for 13 years,” Cohen said on the Table for Two with Bruce Bozzi podcast. “There was a big photo shoot that Vanity Fair did of all of the late-night talk show hosts, and they left me out of it. But they added in James Corden, who wasn’t even on the air yet, and Trevor Noah, who had just started.”

Cohen argues that Watch What Happens Live has “redefined what the late-night talk show is,” to the point where other shows steal from him. “It was the first bar on late night, James Corden got a bar. James Corden wound up kind of…” the boozy New Year’s host said before Bozzi finished the sentence for him: “Ripping off your set.” Cohen continued, “There you go. So, it is what it is.”

The only way Corden’s 2022 could have gone worse is if he played Dr. Michael Morbius.

(Via Yahoo!)

After years of being mostly ignored by the larger media apparatus, the podcast-to-television pipeline was fully operational in 2022. So many podcasts (many of them named in this very year-end list feature in years past) have become television shows — Dirty John, Welcome To Your Fantasy, Dr. Death, The Tiger King, The Shrink Next Door, The Dropout, etc. etc. — that getting a podcast optioned for a television adaptation has become the benchmark of podcast success.

This clear path to monetization has been a double-edged sword for the medium. On the one hand, people are putting money into podcasts like they never have before, with some of that hopefully going to actual podcast creators (in this economy??). On the other, it’s not necessarily great when the goal of a podcast isn’t necessarily to be a great podcast, but to get optioned for a TV show (a problem with a lot of media these days).

Just a few years ago podcasts were a cool medium that money folks largely didn’t know what to do with or how to monetize. Now that the money and expectations have arrived, we may look upon that earlier era as a golden age. Or maybe not. Hell, what do I know.

This year brought us many more podcasts, but not necessarily many more good podcasts. Or probably a lot of good podcasts and not many great ones. The hosts have gotten more famous and the soundscapes busier, but productions seem to have gotten more rushed, with looser editing (characters droning on extemporaneously before they’ve been introduced or you have any idea who they are or why they’re important), shakier stories, and more “local color.”

Sometimes I get the feeling that there are more people involved in podcast production who don’t really listen to podcasts. The same way an audiobook shouldn’t be a radio play (we like it because it sounds like someone reading, not actors acting!), a podcast doesn’t need to be an aural music video. People talk, and tell stories, without the demand of instant audience feedback. That’s why a lot of us like it! Any time someone uses the phrase “innovative editing” to describe a podcast, I run for the hills. Rest assured, few of the podcasts on the following list were innovatively edited, that is my promise to you.

Wait, “Serialized Non-Fiction?”

Obviously, there are a lot of different types of podcasts these days, from your daily current events wrap-up type podcasts, funny people hanging out podcasts, episodic history podcasts, and two hilarious geniuses discussing a 20-year-old television show podcasts (ahem). I listen to lots of those, but they’re largely driven by personal habit, how much the hosts feel like your substitute friends, and the subject matter.

“Serialized Non-Fiction” better lends itself to a year-end list, because:

— The podcasts are new for that year.
— The stories are self-contained.
— They rely more on quality of storytelling/story being told than familiarity with the hosts.

So, that’s how I settled on this year’s modifier. Got it? Great! Now then, let’s get listicle-ized.

10. We Were Three

From The New York Times and Serial, “We Were Three” bills itself as “a story of lies, family, America and what Covid revealed, as well as what it destroyed”– wait, come back, where are you going?

Listen, a Covid-themed podcast from the New York Times wasn’t something I thought I wanted. In 2022 I did not feel like I needed more vax-fight content in my life. But We Were Three, hosted by Rachel McKibbens, whose father and brother both died in the pandemic last fall, is more a specifically-minded story of dysfunctional family (and yes, internet-induced brain worms) than it is a broad topic covering the pandemic and vaccine rollout. “Dysfunctional family drama” is one of my all-time favorite podcast and audiobook subgenres.

McKibbens also isn’t your typical New York media pod person (as parodied so well in BJ Novak‘s 2022 movie, Vengeance), which helps. At three episodes of about 50 minutes each, We Were Three is also the ideal length for a long car ride and eschews the “short story stretched into a 15-episode season” virus currently afflicting the podcast and streaming docuseries industries.

9. Blowback

After telling the story of the 1991 Iraq Invasion and the Cuban Revolution in seasons one and two, respectively, Blowback hosts Brendan James and Noah Kulwin were back this year with season three, this time telling the story of the Korean War, which was simultaneously not officially a “war” and also never ended.

As a bit of a history dad and someone who has read extensively about North Korea, I was surprised to realize how little I actually knew about the beginnings of the conflict, and how much I’d bought the official US line that it all started with the North’s unprovoked invasion of the South. As Blowback goes to meticulous lengths to explain, there was a lot more to the story than that.

There are times when Blowback loses some of its characters (their loving portrait of Mama’s Lil Glory Boy Douglas MacArthur being a notable exception) and edges into litany-of-atrocities territory, but in an age when so many podcasts, even ones with massive listenerships, basically consist of someone reading a Wikipedia entry to their friend, it’s clear how much extensive reading and genuine scholarship went into Blowback. Not for nothing, it also has the best theme song in the game.

8. Evaporated: Gone With The Gods

I knew of Jake Adelstein as the writer of Tokyo Vice, his memoir about being a crime reporter in Tokyo in the late 90s/early aughts (which became an HBO series this year) so I was excited to listen he also had a podcast. Loosely structured around the investigation into Adelstein’s accountant, who vanished without a trace (and with some of Adelstein’s money) in 2018, Evaporated (co-reported by with Shoko Plambeck) is more of a look into the phenomenon of people essentially dissolving all connection with their lives and moving to a new place to start a new one, which is apparently much easier, and a lot more common in Japan. To the point that there are even specialized moving companies that will help you do it.

A lot of podcasts this year explored narrative side streets and were a little bit woolly in the telling, getting caught up in local lore and the backstories of the unique characters. Evaporated was one of the few to do it well, and in a way that wasn’t dull or confusing. Like Tokyo Vice, Evaporated offers an interesting window into contemporary life in Japan on top of the more conventional detective and narrative stuff. Adelstein is also an enjoyable narrator, a nice mix of informative, unaffected, and sardonically funny in a not-trying-too-hard kind of way.

7. Crooked City: The Emerald Triangle

Marc Smerling, creator of Crimetown and The Jinx, is sort of a perennial on this list. This year, his Crimetown spinoff, Crooked City, released two podcasts. First, Crooked City: Youngstown, OH, hosted by Smerling himself, about the rise and fall of crooked congressman James Traficant; and second, Crooked City: The Emerald Triangle, hosted by Sam Anderson, about a murder in Humboldt County that a childhood friend of Anderson’s was involved in.

I’ve always liked Smerling’s podcasts and was always curious about Traficant, but surprisingly I found myself enjoying the Emerald Triangle season more. The Youngstown season goes down so many narrative side streets and edits its interviews so loosely that I found myself lost or having to rewind thinking I’d missed something, if not outright checking out. Emerald Triangle, meanwhile, is strikingly similar in content to other true-crime-in-pot-country shows like the Sasquatch Murders and Murder on the Mountain, and Anderson at times tends to overshare as a narrator.

Even acknowledging all that, I ended up tearing through it. Something about crime in pot country and the characters there remains compelling, even when you basically know how the story will end from the first episode and you’ve heard almost the same story before. Just when I thought it was fizzling out, Emerald Triangle would reveal another doozy of a detail.

6. Hot Money: Who Rules Porn?

It’s true, I usually have at least one porn-related podcast on my year-end list, and this year is no different (no refunds). While Jon Ronson has done some incredible work in the genre, Hot Money reporters Patricia Nilsson and Alex Barker (both from the Financial Times) finally did what I was hoping someone would: follow the money that porn makes and who underwrites it and try to understand the market forces behind it.

There are reasons this kind of reporting usually doesn’t get done, and it goes beyond editors not wanting to dirty their hands with X-rated content (though that’s also a factor). The people behind some of the world’s biggest porn sites (and figuring out who they even are is a steep climb for even the most seasoned investigative reporters) are both very rich and very litigious, not to mention often sketchy and/or criminal. People generally assume those factors are unique to porn, but as Hot Money goes to great, and brave lengths to point out, they’re actually almost always a symptom of the money porn brings in.

5. Twin Flames

“Cult content” is probably my second favorite non-fiction podcast genre behind “insane con-person.” With NXVM (aka, the most boring “sex cult” in the history of cults) being the most recent cult in the news, we were really due for a good new cult story. Luckily there was “Twin Flames,” a YouTube-famous couple who convinced thousands of lonely followers that they were destined for deep, romantic connection with only one other soul in the universe — and to pursue that soul beyond all reason, mutual attraction, or restraining order. Somehow this becomes, like all cults, both a business scheme and something that looks sort of like religion.

Hosted by Stephanie Beatriz, Twin Flames offers all the surreal lunacy you expect from cult content (“The couple met in 2012, when he “was running ‘a vegetarian Airbnb’ in Hawaii,” and she was “working in a hair salon and studying with a spiritual teacher in Sedona, Arizona.”) and does at least an adequate job reporting what seems like a still-developing story. It sort of fizzles towards the end and probably could’ve benefited, like so much streaming and podcast content these days, from a few more years between the story and the podcast, but not-quite-done-baking cult content is still cult content (I’m explaining how I help cause the problem I’m complaining about here, I know).

4. Chameleon: Wild Boys

Relying as they do on real stories, it’s hard to keep upping the ante on non-fiction podcast series. Yet Chameleon (which had a brilliant first season and a not-too-shabby second one) returned this year with possibly their best story yet. Sam Mullins reports Wild Boys, about a story that took place near where he grew up in British Columbia in 2003, when a pair of emaciated teenagers showed up in a rural town claiming that they’d been raised in the woods by cult survivalist parents and had had no contact with outside society.

That’s a strong premise, and Mullins turns out to be a great host and reporter, selling not only the mystery but also such an evocative slice of people and place that they remain compelling even when the central mystery starts falling apart. Wild Boys ends up being this thoroughly charming mix of the exotic and the familiar. It’s also hard to listen to without partly wishing you were Canadian. Not many podcasts can claim that.

3. Gone South (Season One)

Gone South has released two seasons, season one in late 2021 and season two in October 2022. I guess that technically makes season one a 2021 podcast, but I liked season one a lot better so I’m breaking my own rules and putting it on the list here (listen, buddy, you don’t like it you can take it up with management).

Reported and hosted by Jed Lipinski (producer of Fyre Fraud, in my opinion the superior of the two Fyre Fest documentaries), season one, Who Killed Margaret Coon? is a deep dive into the 1987 stabbing death of the titular former prosecutor, who at the time was out jogging with her dog in an upscale suburb near New Orleans. Obviously, it’s not the first true crime series ever to be made about the murder of a white lady, but there are so many mysterious and lurid subplots in the still-officially-unsolved Coon murder that it’s hard to believe the whole thing wasn’t cooked up by a brilliant novelist. How does every character seem to have a secret life?

Lipinski doesn’t give the impression that he played fast and loose with the truth to make a better podcast here, and yet Who Killed Margaret Coon? is as good a southern gothic crime tale as anything Harry Crews or Elmore Leonard ever wrote.

2. The Trojan Horse Affair

What was that I was saying about my favorite podcast genres? That’s right, a crazy con-person. The Trojan Horse Affair, reported by Hamza Syed and Brian Reed (the latter the creator of S-Town) is a masterpiece of the genre. It all starts with a mysterious letter sent to a city councilor in Birmingham, England, laying out a far-fetched plot by Islamic extremists to infiltrate the city’s schools. The letter seems like a hoax on the face of it but still manages to touch off a moderate panic.

In trying to trace the letter’s origins, it turns out this whole national crisis may go back to a somewhat esoteric workplace beef between some public school employees. It turns out, the only thing that makes a phony crisis story more compelling is when it’s also a petty workplace squabble. Meanwhile, Syed and Reed end up having some workplace squabbles of their own, over when being A Person should take precedence over being A Journalist, and vice versa.

1. Bone Valley

Gilbert King won a Pulitzer Prize for Devil In The Grove, and even by the standards of his lifelong project, of documenting the corruption of small-town southern Sheriff’s Departments, his new podcast, Bone Valley, is a shocking tale of injustice. Depicting the case of Leo Schofield, who was convicted and sent to prison for the 1987 murder of his then-wife, Michelle, Bone Valley offers about as much closure as true crime podcast possibly could. It’s the government refusing to provide any.

Even after a convicted serial killer’s fingerprint was found in Michelle’s car, Leo Schofield remained in prison. Even after… well, I’ll save some of the factual details to keep from spoiling the podcast, but suffice it to say, there are a lot. An infuriating number. Short of video, maybe no case has ever had more exculpatory evidence than Schofield’s. I’m willing to betBone Valley will be the most infuriating podcast you listen to this year.

Gilbert King famously helped exonerate four innocent men in Devil In The Grove and explores another corrupt, racist Sheriff in Beneath A Ruthless Sun. You wouldn’t think he’d be able to keep upping the ante on corrupt and/or incompetent Sheriff’s departments, even while moving forward in time (Devil in the Grove – 1949, Beneath A Ruthless Sun – 1957, Bone Valley – 1987), yet it seems he’s been able to do exactly that. Bone Valley raises many important questions, such as what exactly would have to happen for this conviction to get overturned, and why do we even have Sheriff’s Departments?

Did I miss one of your favorites? Leave it in the comments section. Or keep it to yourself, it’s your world, man.

Since the news broke about members of Young Thug’s imprint label, Young Slime Life, being charged with several crimes, including racketeering, murder, armed robbery, etc., at least seven members have entered a guilty plea in the case.

The latest YSL member to step forward is Antonio “Mount Tounk” Sledge, who pleaded guilty to conspiracy to violate the RICO act and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. Sledge has been sentenced to 15 years on probation. Other YSL members that have entered a guilty plea include Thugger’s brother, Unfoonk, whose real name is Quintavis Grier, and Gunna. This information comes only two weeks before the RICO trial against the alleged “gang.”

According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitiuon, as part of the guilty plea, Sledge has agreed to testify (if called upon to do so at trial), possess no guns, commit no criminal acts, and will have to submit to random drug screenings. If Sledge tests positive for any drugs in his system, he will be required to enter a drug rehab within 30 days.

The former YSL member will also have a curfew from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. unless “he is working, going to school, or a medical emergency arises.” He is also required to have absolutely no contact with any of the co-defendants.

Talking on camera is never easy, and news anchors across the country have to do it several times a day while delivering important information to viewers. But mistakes happen, which can lead to some pretty hilarious bloopers as the anchors struggle (with varying degrees of success) to stop themselves from laughing. Some hold it together while others know there’s no coming back.

In the latest compilation video “Best News Bloopers 2022,” you can watch 16 minutes of anchors from across the country get caught flubbing teleprompter reads, missing cues, having location shots go wildly wrong in a variety of ways, and all while trying to maintain a professional facade through infectious laughter. It’s pretty great if you love a good blooper, and who doesn’t?

Of course, we still have to give the top spot to Iowa sports reporter Mark Woodley, who was called in at the last minute to cover blizzard conditions at his local TV station. Our dude did not enjoy being outdoors, and over the course of several hours, he delivered an increasingly cranky weather report where he questioned his own will to live and accused his co-workers of attempting to torture him several times after he did them a solid by coming in during a blizzard. Making the news is hard, folks.

(Via News Be Funny)

The Atlanta Hawks narrowly fell to the Brooklyn Nets on Wednesday night, 108-107. It was the 10th win in a row for the scorching hot Nets, but for the Hawks, the game was notable because of a sequence at the very end that led to standout guard Dejounte Murray defending head coach Nate McMillan one day later.

With less than 10 seconds remaining, Kyrie Irving attempted a three that would have effectively ended the game if it went in. Instead, it clanked off the rim, with John Collins flying in to secure the rebound. The ball was put in Murray’s hands, and with the team needing a point to win the game, McMillan decided against calling a timeout and let things play out as they may.

This ended up coming back to bite Atlanta, as Irving was able to slow Murray down just enough that his only option was an off-balanced three that had Irving and Kevin Durant contesting. It clanked off the back of the rim.

As Murray noted, this situation could have been avoided one possession before Irving’s miss if he did not miss the front end of a pair of free throws. It was a tough break for a Hawks team that trailed by as many as 13 in the fourth quarter but rallied to give themselves a chance.

Cardi B won a decisive victory this week in the case against her over the cover of her first mixtape, Gangsta Bitch Music, Vol. 1, according to Rolling Stone. Cardi previously won the case brought by California man Kevin Brophy in a jury trial in October, but U.S. District Judge Cormac J. Carney ruled Wednesday (December 28) to uphold the jury’s decision and reject Brophy’s appeal, which he said: “wants for substantive merit.”

Brophy had sued Cardi over the mixtape cover claiming it used a portion of his back tattoo on a model depicted performing oral sex on Cardi. Brophy claimed that this caused him emotional distress due to being misrepresented. However, Cardi’s defense argued that Brophy couldn’t prove any material harm or even that anyone could recognize him from the tattoo.

Carney apparently agreed with Cardi’s defense and ultimately, the jury who decided against Brophy in October. “The jury had an ample basis for its verdict,” he wrote in his decision. “For example, the jury could have reasonably concluded that the back tattoo on the model on the mixtape cover at issue in this suit was not sufficiently identifiable with Brophy to constitute misappropriation of his likeness or depiction in a false light. Because the model’s face is not visible, identification based on facial appearance is impossible.”

The judge also noted the artistic value of the mixtape cover itself, writing, “Most importantly, Brophy’s tattoo played a minor role in what was a larger visual commentary on sexual politics. Brophy’s tattoo was but one tattoo on the back of the model, who was himself but one part of a suggestive portrayal of a man with his head between Cardi B’s legs while she was in the backseat of a vehicle and drank an alcoholic beverage. The purpose, Cardi B testified, was to show her in control, reversing traditional gender roles. It is hard to see how the cover’s economic value derived at all from Brophy’s tattoo. Despite any contrary evidence that Brophy presented, the jury was within reason to find that the use of the tattoo was transformative.”

Cardi herself recently commemorated her first mixtape and all that’s happened since sharing some of the early promo photos for it on Twitter. “I had a dream,” she attested. She also recalled “crushing hard” on her now-husband Offset while filming one of the mixtape’s music videos.

Cardi B is a Warner Music artist. Uproxx is an independent subsidiary of Warner Music Group.

A few preliminary notes before we dive into this extremely stupid list of the best and weirdest moments from television in 2022:

• This is my list, curated by me, and so will lean heavily toward things and people that brought me joy throughout the year
• None of this is meant to be taken all that seriously
• If you scroll down far enough you’ll see a screencap of Jennifer Coolidge snorting party drugs in Sicily

All true. It’s a good time. Here we go.

Best Performance – Kathy from Holey Moley

This reads like a joke but I promise I am serious. Everything about it was incredible, starting with the thing where this woman was draining putts from everywhere to take home the grand prize in the season finale of a show that involves potentially injurious obstacles that people half her age wipe out on in deeply funny fashion, and extending to the thing where Miss Piggy was in attendance while it happened. That’s something I don’t think we all have discussed enough this year. The Muppets were on Holey Moley this season. That really happened. And the season ended with one of the most shocking and inspirational athletic performances I have ever seen. I am serious about that, too. Watch it on Hulu sometime. You won’t even believe it. Kathy is the Michael Jordan of Muppet-adjacent miniature golf competitions. You’ll see what I mean.

Worst Performance – Snoop Dogg on Wheel of Fortune

Some notes:

• This video remains incredible
• I have watched it 1000 times
• I am going to watch it again after I type this sentence
• Aaaaand I watched it three times just now

Good for Snoop. Good for all of us. Get him on The Price Is Right next.

Most Outstanding Cigarette Drags – Kim Wexler in Better Call Saul

Better Call Saul ended this year. There are plenty of places to read about its final season and various twists and the Carol Burnett of it all. I wrote a lot of words about it. But that’s not what this is. This is about Kim Wexler, as played by Rhea Seehorn, smoking cigarettes in such a deeply cathartic way that it almost made me start again after well over a decade. Look at her up there.

Look at her down here.

And here.

Better Call Saul was a show full of people having bad ideas and we can go ahead and file “what if I start smoking again?” in with all of those. I blame Kim Wexler.

Best Name of a Real Game Show Contestant – Emily Fiasco on Jeopardy

Emily Fiasco

EMILY FIASCO

THREE-TIME JEOPARDY CHAMPION EMILY FIASCO

Please know that I said all of these sentences out loud as I typed them.

Best Fart (tie) – Slow Horses and Bluey

The competition was stiff here. Gary Oldman’s character in Slow Horses was introduced to the audience — pretty much the first time we see him — by farting himself awake, which would have run away with this category if there had not been an entire episode of a children’s show about a puff of flatulence so controversial that it resulted in the entire episode getting banned briefly from Disney Plus. That really happened. On Bluey. I wrote about it at the time.

The Family Meeting episode from series three of the hit children’s show features a faux trial with mum Chilli as the judge to determine whether Bandit did “fluffy” or “make a brownie” on Bluey’s face.

The episode opens with the six-year-old blue heeler pup saying “Dad blew off right in my face” and Bandit denying it. Later he admits: “Her face is at bum level – it’s hard not to.”

Two things are important to note here:

• I love this very much
• I have a law degree

Moving on.

Best Puke – The Righteous Gemstones

The Righteous Gemstones was so good this year. Again. It’s always good, though, so that’s not a huge surprise. It’s going to win another award later in these proceedings. You should watch it if you haven’t been and you should consider a rewatch if you have. This screencap is a good reason why. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a better or more useful image. I have used it as a reaction to bad news maybe two dozen times since I first saw it. You can start doing this, too. Just click on it and save it right now. My gift to all of it.

Best Celebrity Endorsement – Danny Devito for Jersey Mike’s

Pretty tough to get better — in any substantial way, at least — than “Danny Devito pitching hoagies on television.” It’s beautiful. The only thing that upsets me about this commercial is that Danny Devito was not already on television pitching hoagies before this. Like, for years. Also, I have now typed “pitching hoagies” twice and have developed a mental image of Danny Devito in a full baseball uniform throwing a hoagie to a catcher. I’m upset that hasn’t happened yet either. We have some things to work on. Like, as a society.

Most Outstanding Milk-Related Assault — Players

I was late to Players, the new series from the American Vandal team, which was mostly my fault. I should have gotten in there from the jump. It remains my position that American Vandal — the first season, especially — is one of the best depictions of true crime and the experience of being in high school, which is a hell of a thing to say about a show that operates from a premise of “someone spray painted some dicks on some cars and we’re gonna figure out who.” It was stupid and brilliant and funny and poignant and about six other things all at once. Players took a similar formula and applied it to the world of esports. I do not care very much about competitive gaming and the people who do it, but I do love a show that zooms in super tight on a small but dedicated little ecosystem and shows you the absurdity and humanity of something you had never once actually thought about.

I also love that the show did it using characters with names like Creamcheese (formerly “Nut Milk”) and a running gag about a Philadelphia gaming prodigy who repeatedly smashed a bully in the head with a bag of milk. And I especially love that the milk-smashing thing turned out to be an important piece of character development. Like I said, stupid and smart all together. This, to put a laser-fine point on it all, is extremely my kind of stuff.

Best Use of Limited Resources – Atlanta

Atlanta came to an end this year, too, which is kind of a bummer because Atlanta was one of our most consistently fun and creative shows for pretty much the entire time it was on. But it wasn’t a total bummer because the show went out reminding us exactly why it was so good, by which I mean “it aired a full-on standalone episode that featured none of its now-famous cast and instead told an alternate history of a Disney executive who was obsessed with Goofy.” I can’t possibly put into words how happy this made me. It was so weird. And funny. And kind of perfect. You can go watch it right now even if you’ve never seen another episode of Atlanta. You should watch other episodes of Atlanta, though.

It was a good show. For reasons like this. But for other reasons, too. I’m going to miss it a lot.

Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Using a Modified “We’re Not So Different” – House of the Dragon

There are very few things I enjoy more than a character in a television series or a movie looking an adversary in the eye and explaining why the two of them are “not so different.” I prefer that exact wording, if only because no one in real life has ever phrased it that way. I especially like the “We’re not so different, you and I” construction. Start using it in your actual life. Say it to your DoorDash delivery driver this weekend. It’s thrilling.

Anyway, sometimes shows will do a little modified version of this, where they try to phrase it in a more normal way to slip it by me. But I remain vigilant. I will not be fooled. That’s how I noticed that House of the Dragon — a show I did not expect to like but enjoyed quite a bit — actually did it twice in its first season. Once up there, and once down here…

If you’re wondering if I saw these on my television at home and contorted myself into the full-on DiCaprio Pointing Meme and shouted about it to no one, the answer is yes. Maybe you’ll start doing it now, too. If that happens, well, then you and I won’t be so different, after all.

Most Dangerous Piece of Exercise Equipment – Peloton

It is really very funny to me that two separate characters on two separate shows had Peloton-related health emergencies within weeks of each other. First, there was Chris Noth’s character from the Sex and the City continuation series And Just Like That, who died during a workout. That one was great because people lost their minds a little. Peloton had to put out an actual statement about the whole thing. Just massively silly and stupid on a number of levels. A delight.

Then, just weeks later, a character on Billions suffered a heart attack while riding a Peloton. This one survived, but still. It’s a blast to picture the official spokesperson for Peloton sitting back on a Sunday night to relax with an episode of Billions after a stressful month of questions about his product killing off beloved characters and then seeing this happen and sighing so deeply a piece of his soul flies out.

A blast for me, at least.

Best Home Alone-Related Cameo (tie) – The Righteous Gemstones and Better Call Saul

Here’s what happened…

Macaulay Culkin showed up on The Righteous Gemstones as the adult son of Walton Goggins’ character, Baby Billy Freeman, which just made me smile a little all over again as I typed it. That was a great piece of business. He punched Goggins in the face. POW! Just perfect. And I was sure that would be my favorite Home Alone-related cameo of the year.

But then…

Devin Ratray, who played Buzz McAllister in the franchise about a little boy who is terrible at traveling, showed up in the final season of Better Call Saul. Here. Look.

At some point next year, any time on any show on any channel, but preferably on like Succession, I really need Joe Pesci to pop up out of nowhere. Let him play a rival media mogul. Let him play a senator. Let him swear at Cousin Greg. It’s a simple request.

Most Reliably Funny Thing, To Me — News Bloopers

This is a compilation of news bloopers from 2022. I watched it the other day and I started giggling almost right away and I kept going straight through until the end. It’s kind of wild. You could assemble a team of the greatest comedic minds in Hollywood and give them all time and resources they want and they would still not be able to create something funnier to me than a chuckle-happy weatherman trying to get through a forecast right after a report about a portable toilet fiasco on the highway. This probably says as much about me as it does anything else. I don’t know. I feel okay about it.

Best Creative Cussing – Reservation Dogs

Important notes:

• Reservation Dogs is one of the best shows on television
• It makes me very happy
• This season, there was a notable uptick in characters calling each other “shitass”
• This led to a dramatic uptick in me doing it, too
• People in my life did not enjoy it

This kind of thing happens to me sometimes.

Best Use of a Chainsaw – Hacks

One of the complaints I’ve had about television throughout the years is that there have not been enough shows where Jean Smart marches into the frame with a chainsaw in her hands, cranks the sucker up, then marches forward with a devilish glee in her eyes. I think that could have really done wonders for — to pick a show at random — Mad Men.

I’m glad we’ve righted this historical wrong. Let’s not stop now, though. Let’s build on this. Looking at you, season three of The White Lotus.

Best Use of Explosives – 9-1-1

9-1-1 is a show that is known for its bonkers emergencies (blimp crash, mid-proposal escalator malfunction, etc.), but it’s going to be hard for them to ever top “a husband was upset at his garden being ruined by critters so he set off a bomb in the yard and the wife got very upset because it turned out the garden was actually being ruined by the tunnel that ran from their bedroom to the neighbors’ house, which the neighbor had been using to carry out a torrid affair with the wife until he was severely injured by the aforementioned explosion, which the husband set off because — SURPRISE — he suspected the tunnel-based infidelity all along.”

I believe in them, though. I believe they can get weirder. It’s just a matter of time.

Wildest Character Arc – Rosie Perez in The Flight Attendant

The first season of The Flight Attendant ended with Rosie Perez’s character — another flight attendant — going on the run after accidentally selling government secrets to North Korea, which is already just about the best twist you could possibly imagine. Then, in season two, all of this happened, which I am just going to quote from my own post about it all:

• She opens the season living in hiding in Iceland with a black market tuna smuggler played by Margaret Cho
• She picks a bunch of mushrooms from a forest, which we later see her mashing up into a fine dust/paste
• You guessed it, they are poisonous hallucinogenic mushrooms
• She is running around dosing people with them to keep her secret and/or investigate other secrets
• Her cover gets blown and she comes back to America using the pseudonym “Hildegard Bouffant”
• She goes hunting for a lockbox she hid in her friend’s strip club, but the friend sold the contents of the room to some strange lady, so Rosie and her stripper friend track her down to a weird trailer in the woods and, yup, you guessed it again, dose the woman with mushroom paste and steal back the lockbox while the woman has a full-on mental collapse on the woods

She isn’t even the main character on the show. She’s just the friend of the main character. This commitment to chaos is inspiring on a deep and powerful level.

Most Unrelenting Earworm – The Los Pollos Jingle From Better Call Saul

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it’s in my head again.

I suppose that’s not a huge complaint.

Yet.

Talk to me in a week to see if it’s still in there.

Best Pronunciation of a Geographic Location – Matt Berry in What We Do in the Shadows

Bullet points again:

• I love that Matthew Berry put this much stink on it for no apparent reason
• I love that it made the final cut
• This is how we should all say “New York City” now
• Even weathermen
• Especially weathermen

I’m going to stop typing now because nothing I write can possibly top that short video. Let’s press on.

Best Fish Pictures – Henry Winkler

Two things are true here.

TRUE THING NUMBER ONE: Henry Winkler continued his yearly tradition of posting fish pictures on Twitter while on vacation

TRUE THING NUMBER TWO: For reasons I will never understand, the people at HBO let me interview him, which I used as an opportunity to ask him about the fish pictures.

We are all doing excellent work here.

Best Strut – Winning Time

Winning Time had a lot going for it, starting with John C. Reilly hamming it up straight through the fourth wall, but I’m still not over this scene. Imagine looking that cool one single time in your entire life. I cannot. And I am very, very cool. [citation needed]

Best Squelching – Stranger Things

Stranger Things has a long history of squelching-related subtitles (I am not joking here, it happens so much), and it is my great pleasure to report that it continued into the most recent season. It’s to the point now where I sit here and wait for it to happen. I get mad if there’s a squelch-ish sound and they don’t put the word on the screen.

It’s fine.

I’m fine.

Everything is fine.

The Judith Light Award for Best Use of Cocaine in a Television Drama – Jennifer Coolidge in The White Lotus

The last few episodes of the second season of The White Lotus were a ton of fun. So much happened in so many ways and some people died and that’s all I’m going to say for now, mostly so I don’t get yelled at for spoiling things you should have watched already. But I will say this: there was a thing where Jennifer Coolidge did a bunch of cocaine at a party with some mysterious gays and a Sicilian gigolo, and this is the screencap I made, and I can’t stop pasting it places now. Here, text messages, work emails, all of it. Just perfect.

It also gives me an excuse to post my favorite GIF ever. This one. Where Judith Light did cocaine at a rodeo on the short-lived Dallas continuation series that aired on TNT a few years ago.

I am so proud of both of these women.

Best Voiceover Performance – Jason Mantzoukas as Tommy Lee’s Penis

To be clear…

Tommy Lee, as played by Sebastian Stan, had a full conversation with his own penis, as voiced by Jason Mantzoukas.

I still kind of can’t believe this happened.

I love that it did.

But I really can’t believe it.

Best Celebrity Profile – The Guy Fieri One From The New York Times

The entire Guy Fieri profile in the New York Times was amazing, just littered with perfect little quotes and anecdotes, but I’m going to highlight three specific passages to drive it home. We start… here.

“I want to chug the chutney!” Mr. Fieri said, daring someone to stop him. “One little bump.”
It was 9:33 a.m.

It’s so beautiful I could cry.

“If you only hear Metallica as a heavy-metal band, then you are not hearing Metallica,” Mr. Fieri said, riding shotgun after a day of filming and charity work. “Now maybe you don’t like that style. But they’re real musicians.”

The thing I like about Guy Fieri is that he’s never changed — not in any substantial way, at least — but the world has come around. This quote would have made everyone roll their eyes a few years ago but now it’s somehow charming. It’s a fascinating transition. Scientists should study it. They should teach it in colleges. I am not joking.

“He goes to all these diners, drive-ins and dives,” said one fan, Jim McGinnis, 77, explaining the show’s appeal as Mr. Fieri administered handshakes and how-ya-doing-brothers at a charity event for New Jersey veterans. “It’s just a pleasure.”

Jim gets it.

Across more than 30 years, The Roots have cemented themselves as the greatest live instrumental hip-hop act in the world. Led by drummer/bandleader Questlove and leading mic man Black Thought, the Philadelphia-born group seeped even deeper into mainstream consciousness when they also became the house band for The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon in 2009. It’s nothing to sneeze at for a hip-hop group and while your average consumer likely just knows them from TV, The Roots’ over a dozen album discography contains some seriously pivotal hip-hop classics.

Fuzing hip-hop with a jazz ensemble, R&B vocals, soul breaks, rock, and more, The Roots are in a class all of their own. From seminal albums like Things Fall Apart, How I Got Over, illadelph Halflife, and beyond, we’re taking a look at the best songs by The Roots below. And if you want to see these songs live for yourself, The Roots are performing a pair of New Year’s Eve shows at the Walt Disney Concert Hall in Los Angeles to ring in 2023.

But without further ado, these are The Roots’ best songs, ranked.

30. “Swept Away” (1995)

The opening bassline (by the dearly departed Leonard “Hub” Hubbard) and saxophone swing put down a groovy jazz club feel. Singer Cassandra Wilson’s backing hum throughout the track is hypnotic and Malik B’s (RIP) coy flow elevates one of the first full-on assaults from Black Thought (“Crazy cardiac, my attack on any fat rhythm”) that just made your head turn.

29. “When The People Cheer” (2014)

While The Roots’ last album, …and then you shoot your cousin isn’t generally considered to be among their top works, they still always find ways to tell stories about people trying to rise up from the ills of inner-city life. “When The People Cheer” sees singer Modesty Lycan delivering the play on words hook that became a hallmark of Black Thought’s songwriting in The Roots’ late-career surge.

28. “What You Want” (1999)

Debuting on the crucial live album, The Roots Come Alive, “What You Want” also ended up serving as the opening song from the soundtrack to The Best Man with Taye Diggs and Nia Long. Featuring Jaguar on the hook, the song’s lyrics tell a story in line with the cult-favorite Black romcom’s matrimonial love triangle. And after thriving in the underground, “What You Want” shows The Roots’ ability to pierce through it and become a bigger act.

27. “The OtherSide” (2011)

When James Poyser joined The Roots for good in 2008, the Soulquarian producer sent the group’s keyboard parts soaring. With Questlove, Poyser, and manager Rich Nichols (who died in 2014) orchestrating behind the boards, “The OtherSide” is among the group’s tightest productions. And for additional posterity here, Bilal is on the passionate hook.

26. “Break You Off” (2002)

Phrenology proved to be a deconstruction album of sorts for The Roots. It’s easily their most experimental album and “Break You Off” is sublime R&B featuring Musiq Soulchild’s velvet vocals on the album’s first single. Questo’s drums are tinged with bossanova, while Black Thought’s flow serves as a sinister and meditative lothario over a hard bass line.

25. “Essawhaman?” (1993)

The Roots’ first album Organix, helped them get their first label deal that would eventually lead into Do You Want More?!!!??! being released on DGC. Organix was first only sold on a modest European tour and the recording of “Essawhaman?” featured on the album is from a gig in Slovenia, soon after Hub joined the band. It helped establish the group’s unique lyrical lexicon and later appeared in a different live version (from Philadelphia’s Trocadero) under the title “Eassaywhuman” on Do You Want More?!

24. “Without A Doubt” (1999)

Predicated on an absolutely filthy breakbeat that Questlove borrowed from Philly rapper Schoolly D’s track “Saturday Night,” “Without A Doubt” shows how The Roots didn’t just sample tracks, they recreated them. “Another one of our in-house geniuses, Chaos, suggested that if we were going to ‘go there’ (Hip Hop’s ever so effortless task of ‘creating’ the cover tune) we should keep it ‘ill’ (adelph),” Questlove said in the Things Fall Apart liner notes. “We hope we did the city proud by this one.”

23. “Guns Are Drawn” (2004)

The Tipping Point is probably the most underrated album by The Roots. It didn’t get the same critical praise as their more heralded works, but “Guns Are Drawn” is a prime example of the gems that lay within. It’s a modern funk and soul original that feels instantly vintage. Son Little’s hook gives a retro veneer to exploration outside of hip-hop’s confines.

22. “Lazy Afternoon” (1995)

This jazzy, R&B tune brings together the elements of scat that resided throughout Do You Want More?! but in a far smoother package swathed in Rachel Graham’s backing vocals. “Lazy Afternoon” is the soundtrack to literally that; there’s hardly a better song to throw on when things need to get done and you’ve made the conscious decision to procrastinate happily instead.

21. “Proceed (Live)” (1999)

One of The Roots’ defining live songs, “Proceed” is a standout off of Do What You Want More?!, but its galvanizing power is most evident on The Roots Come Alive. Recorded from a show in France, the chewy keyboard part is unreal while Rahzel sprinkles in his beatboxing in incredibly tasteful fashion. It’s a signature call-and-response track that still manages to come across like a supreme Philadelphia jam session.

20. “Don’t Feel Right” (2006)

Game Theory marked The Roots’ first album released under the Def Jam imprint and they took the opportunity to make a sociopolitical stance. “Don’t Feel Right” proved to be the most well-formed statement from the album, imploring listeners to pay attention to the insidious oppression in America. “The struggle ain’t right up in your face, it’s more subtle,” Black Thought spits, paving the way for more of this type of commentary from the group for years to come.

19. “Radio Daze” (2010)

How I Got Over was a decidedly pop-forward turn for The Roots and they brought an unapologetic group of wordsmiths along for the ride. Blu and P.O.R.N. are featured on “Radio Daze,” with Dice Raw making another return to the group on the hook. Just like how “Don’t Feel Right” did, “Radio Daze,” is a call to pay attention to injustice. But four years later, The Roots surmise that there are multimedia forces clouding our perspectives. A piano rests alongside Questlove’s drums to make it feel like a eulogy that’s about to be written if something isn’t done about the condition.

18. “Not Sayin Nothin’ New” (1999)

Black Thought and Dice Raw are very much challenging each other on this cut off of Things Fall Apart. The melody truly stands out on “Nothing’ New” and it even features a hint of Eve’s vocals underneath the track. But it’s ultimately one of Black Thought’s greatest moments on their best album when he raps: “Yo, I’m overpaid in dues, blood, tears and sweat. When you f*ckin’ with The Roots, that’s as good as it get…Ultramagnet!”

17. “Kool On” (2011)

Questlove produced “Kool On” around a sample of D.J. Rogers’ “Where There’s A Will,” giving it a fresh soul sound. Kirk “Captain Kirk” Douglas’ delivers one of his best guitar riffs with the group to take the track to new heights. Greg Porn and Truck North each drop a verse on the gangster boogie and Black Thought slays a sleek hook, singing “Come get your kool on, stars are made to shine.”

16. “How I Got Over” (2010)

The title track to How I Got Over features one of Questlove’s best drum beats on the album. Dice Raw joins Black Thought once again for a song about rising from the streets and they come across like kids from Philly who got out and want to help others do the same. Raw’s “Out on the streets, where I grew up. First thing they teach you, Is not to give a f*ck,” lyric is sharply honed, articulating the hood mentality and making sense of a senseless life of crime in America in a way that still resonates.

15. “Mellow My Man”

There’s a unified groove on Do You Want More?! That much is undeniable. And “Mellow My Man” is soaked with the essence of it. It’s the pinnacle of Black Thought and Malik B’s jazz-scat vocals where you get the sense that this album was very much forged with an underground supper club in mind. This is a track meant to be consumed live and direct, and “Mellow My Man’s” jazz sensibilities (the horn section might as well be in your living room) are what made The Roots the incomparable live hip-hop force that they went on to become.

14. “The Next Movement (Live)” (1999)

No respectable Roots fan can ever hear a mention of Switzerland again without their minds going to Black Thought hyping the crowd at Zurich’s Palais X-Tra shouting, “Switzerland!” On the Come Alive version especially, Rahzel’s twitchy beatbox slides in so fluidly with the band and the organ is among the most defining sounds of any song by The Roots. This is an ultimate hype track.

13. “Respond/React” (1996)

The first song on Illadeplh Halflife, “Respond/React” was The Roots’ grand introduction into Golden Age rap greatness. It’s a Philadelphian diatribe that asserts how no matter where The Roots crew goes, their heartbeat will always be in the city of brotherly love. Black Thought puts on a masterclass in syncopation, finding rhyme patterns where they’re not supposed to be and while the album will eventually straddle genres, “Respond/React” is undeniably hip-hop.

12. “Adrenaline!” (1999)

How this collision of rap and jazz manages to even incorporate a full-on beatboxer into the mix and not make it feel frivolous is one of the greatest achievements in hip-hop history. “Adrenaline!” sees Rahzel at his peak, beatboxing in congruence with Questlove’s drums and a keyboard melody to kill, before giving way to verses from Beanie Sigel and Dice Raw. And while Rahzel’s time with The Roots would soon come to end, “Adrenaline!” saw his novelty in its ultimate state.

11. “Silent Treatment” (1995)

The Roots made a lot of great R&B songs and “Silent Treatment” sees them in their early days slaying the genre in pure, unadulterated form. A sexy horn and sensual keys make way for Black Thought lamenting a love that he just can’t harness. It was a song for sad hip-hop kids before that became a thing and it’s still just as evocative today.

10. “Step Into The Relm” (1999)

It’s really unfair how many perfect drum breaks Questlove puts his stamp on throughout Things Fall Apart. He makes incredible complexity come across with utter poise on “Step Into The Relm,” a track that tugs at anticipation with false fades and gambles on a piano loop that never ends. It’s probably the fiercest track on the album, with Malik B and Black Thought delivering the hook in chilling, soldier-like unison.

9. “Star/Pointro” (2004)

When The Roots sample songs, they sample really good ones. And the opening track to The Tipping Point makes excellent use of Sly & The Family Stone’s “Everybody Is A Star.” The way “Star/Pointro” builds into its explosive beginning is such a brilliant way to kick off an album; as if the group is trying to tell us as emphatically as possible to brace yourself, because they are back for another triumphant go at it.

8. “Dear God 2.0” (2010)

No track testifies to the malleability of The Roots and their inevitable longevity quite like “Dear God 2.0.” In a most improbable collaboration, The Roots and Monsters Of Folk (led by My Morning Jacket’s Jim James and Bright Eyes’ Conor Oberst) turn the latter’s psychedelic tune into a haunting plea to the man upstairs. Black Thought’s opening verse might just be his finest post-2010 moment with The Roots and James’ high-pitched hook came across so naturally in a song that blends rap, folk, and pop in amazing ways.

7. “Dynamite!” (1999)

You know those insane drum breaks on Things Fall Apart that I mentioned earlier? This is the one. And maybe it’s because Questlove takes a beat he got from J Dilla and gives it the royal treatment. “I want to be part of the process,” the drummer recalled in the Deluxe album liner notes. Because instead of just using the Dilla beat, he insisted on playing it to the record. And it sounds heavenly alongside yet another stupefying bass line; this combo never gets old.

6. “Section” (1996)

This is how you build a soundscape. And in 1996, hip-hop didn’t sound like this. “Section” takes the brushstrokes that “Respond/React” laid down and adds bursting sounds and layers of senses that constructs the world of illadelph Halflife as it was just beginning to unfold. Black Thought and Malik B are as sharp as can be, flashing their whimsy while not giving up an inch of their edge.

5. “100% Dundee” (1999)

As far as opening bars to rap songs go, Black Thought’s, “On these seventy-three keys, of ivory and ebony, I swear solemnly that I’ll forever rock steadily. People wanna know where Malik? He right next to me, the weaponry, the secret recipe,” should be mentioned in the same breath as Wu-Tang’s “Triumph.” The bass register is pulsating through the roof on “100% Dundee” and it’s quite possibly the best seesaw showing from Thought and Malik B. If anyone ever doubted early on if The Roots needed to always lean on their jazz chops, this sent that notion crashing.

4. “The Seed 2.0” (2002)

The Roots are polymorphous and they found the best way to explain that concept in “The Seed 2.0,” one they valiantly lay out throughout Phrenology. Working with Cody Chestnutt to revamp his original (hence the “2.0”; just like “Dear God 2.0”), the song is a treatise on the shapeshifting nature of hip-hop. Namely, how it’s everything: soul, jazz, rock, etc… If there was ever a song that’s about The Roots and how their music was continuing to evolve into something that might even have a place on The Tonight Show someday, this is it.

3. “You Got Me” (1999)

An autobiographical love song primarily written by Black Thought and Jill Scott, “You Got Me” features Erykah Badu on Scott’s hook and the rest is history; Badu will do that. But Eve also put down her most well-known verse with The Roots as the foil to Black Thought’s protagonist too. Then Questlove manages to find a place for a drum and bass outro, which tip a cap to the power of late ’90s UK jungle music that he had an affinity for. This is peak Soulquarians magic and it netted The Roots their first Grammy Award, forever etching “You Got Me” as an essential golden age of hip-hop cut.

2. “What They Do” (1996)

If you want to make one of the greatest hip-hop and R&B crossover tracks of all-time, Raphael Saadiq pretty much has to be involved. So here he is, on the hook of “What They Do,” essentially giving The Roots sage advice on the pitfalls of the music industry that they need to avoid in order to always be originals (“Never do what they do, what they do, what they do.”) Suffice it to say, they listened. The Roots have hardly ever sounded this gorgeous and Saadiq is a huge part of that. Amen.

1. ”Act Too (The Love Of My Life)” (1999)

Probably my favorite live music moment of 2022 was during The Roots’ headlining set at Montréal Jazz Festival, when the unmistakable melody to “Act Too (The Love of My Life)” flowed through tens of thousands of people at the Downtown Place des Festivals. The Roots were headlining a jazz music festival and my entire life’s relationship with hip-hop flashed before my eyes. It was beautiful.

“The Love Of My Life” defines the journey of The Roots; how they’ve transcended hip-hop, but never compromised their core dedication to the culture. “I thought it was important to have that song so that we could personalize and humanize what hip-hop was,” Questlove wrote in the Things Fall Apart Deluxe liner notes, explaining how Dilla and A Tribe Called Quest’s “Electric Relaxation” were touchpoints for them in crafting this song, which also features Common. Few acts have navigated the ins and outs of hip-hop as fluidly and gracefully as The Roots have and “The Love Of My Life” remains a manifesto of sorts that they’ve never wavered from.