Early reports promised that WWE was filming “cinematic” gimmick matches for WrestleMania, and the “Boneyard Match” between AJ Styles and The Undertaker on night one could certainly be described as cinematic.

After a couple of low effort altercations with The Undertaker at Super Showdown in Saudi Arabia and Elimination Chamber, Styles challenged Taker to fight him in the “boneyard,” because you can’t say “graveyard” or “cemetery” during a global pandemic. That took the form of a short film with AJ Styles (arriving in style in a casket, from the back of a hearse) taking on The Undertaker (arriving on a motorcycle, sadly to Metallica instead of Limp Bizkit) battling to bury each other in what we assume is the backyard of the House of Horrors.

Highlights from the match included The O.C. commanding a group of hooded figures from a backlit graveyard cabin, Styles charging into Undertaker to knock him through the wall of shed, and a seemingly dead Undertaker teleporting out of a grave plot to prevent himself from being buried by heavy machinery. Actual machinery, not the tag team. Ultimately, as you do, Undertaker chokeslammed Styles off the roof of a building and booted him into his grave, but only after a lengthy bout of convincing him he’d fought valiantly enough to escape burial.

The match ended with a personalized tombstone, AJ Styles’ hand sticking out of the ground, and Undertaker riding off into the sunset — moonset? — with plumes of fire in the background. We’re not sure this is what every wrestling match should look like, but it’s definitely what every Undertaker match should look like.

AJ Styles was 42 years old. He is mourned by Wendy.

The year is 2020. The WrestleMania is 36. The location is inside an empty gym in Orlando, Florida. The WWE Universal Champion is 53-year-old Bill Goldberg. This might not be the darkest timeline, but it sure as hell might be the weirdest, at least when it comes to professional wrestling.

On night one of WrestleMania 36, Goldberg marched to the ring to defend his prize not against Roman Reigns, his previously advertised opponent, but against Braun Strowman, who replaced Reigns at the literal last minute due to Reigns’ immunocompromised state putting him at a higher risk of contracting COVID-19. With literally zero interaction between champion and challenger before the match, what could the WWE Universe expect to see?

Despite being outweighed by 100 pounds, Goldberg still attempted a Jackhammer (after connecting with four straight spears, going for a pinfall attempt after spear No. 3), but had it reversed into three straight powerslams by the Monster Among Men, followed by a running powerslam, after which Strowman covered him for the pin. This is Strowman’s first Universal Championship — and presumably, Goldberg’s last. It is also not only Strowman’s first singles victory at WrestleMania, it’s his first singles match at the Grandaddy Of ‘Em All, having previously won the tag team championship with a [checks notes] 10-year-old boy named Nicholas in 2018.

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Let’s get this bread.

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You don’t need a rubber ducky to ensure bath time is lots of fun;).

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It’s time for a change.

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Following an intro by WrestleMania host Rob “Gronk” “The White Tiger” Gronkowski, the Women’s Tag Team Championship Match between Bliss Cross Applesauce and the Kabuki Warriors opened Night One of WrestleMania 36. Even after weeks of crowd-free TV at the Performance Center, it felt strange to see WrestleMania entrances with no fans to cheer. On top of that, Kairi Sane entered in a fabulous new pirate outfit, which she definitely must have commissioned thinking she’d be wearing it in Tampa Bay.

The four women still gave it their all, however. Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross had motivations that were easy to understand — they first won this Championship on Raw last August, in a Fatal Four-Way match against the Kabuki Warriors, Fire & Desire, and then-Champions the IIconics. Bliss and Cross held the Titles for 61 days before losing them to the Kabuki Warriors in October at the Hell in a Cell PPV. Since then Asuka and Kairi have become the longest-reigning Women’s Tag Team Champions to date, holding the Titles for 181 days and not even having to defend them very often.

That reign ended tonight, after a hard-fought, high-energy match in the mostly empty Performance Center. Nikki Cross hit Kairi Sane with a spinning neckbreaker, then tagged in Alexa Bliss, who hit Twisted Bliss to pin Sane. Bliss and Cross are now the first-ever two-time WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions.

One of the longest-simmering feuds that was set to come to a boil at WrestleMania 36 was between Kevin Owens and Seth Rollins. The two had been running into each other on Monday Night Raw and at pay-per-views for the past three months, and it all culminated at what eventually became a no-disqualification match at the Showcase Of The Immortals.

During the bout, Rollins clocked Owens in the head with the timekeeper’s bell, which caused the referee to award the contest to Owens via disqualification. Owens, unhappy with this result, got on the mic and challenged Rollins to restart the match as a no-DQ match, a stipulation the Monday Night Messiah happily took. He would regret that decision a few minutes later, however: Owens eventually got him laid out on the announce table, then scaled the gigantic WrestleMania sign hanging inside the WWE Performance Center and catapulted himself off the top of it, putting Rollins into the ground and exploding the table in the process. See for yourself:

Shortly thereafter, Owens delivered a Stone Cold Stunner to Rollins to score the pinfall victory — his first in WrestleMania history. Rollins’ record at the Show Of Shows is now a still-impressive 6-2. Is this the end of their feud? Only time will tell.

Commissioners from a number of major American sports leagues held a conference call on Saturday with President Donald Trump as part of the federal response to the COVID-19 pandemic. Among those on the call was NBA commissioner Adam Silver, according to the president’s daily agenda, and per a report by ESPN, Silver expressed a desire for leagues to play a roll in one of Trump’s main priorities at one point or another: restarting the American economy.

The president had previously said his hope was to begin getting Americans back to work by Easter Sunday, which was eventually scrapped. But at some point in the future that we just do not know, Americans will be able to get back to work, and when they do, Silver wants leagues to be at the forefront.

Via Adrian Wojnarowski of ESPN:

NBA commissioner Adam Silver told those on the call that the leagues were the first to shut down and that they would love to lead the way in starting the economy once there was an “all clear” from public health officials, sources familiar with the call told ESPN.

It is unclear exactly what Silver would mean by restarting the economy beyond putting on games, which would lead to workers for the teams/stadiums and broadcast partners getting back into the swing of things. Later in the day on Saturday, Trump held a press conference in which he said leagues “gotta get back.”

Of course, while leagues do need to get back, as Silver apparently told Trump, that has to occur with the blessing of public health officials, something that could take an awfully long time. In fact, while Trump reportedly said on the call that he believes the NFL should be good to play games by September, public health experts told the Washington Post that it’s far too early into this process to predict anything regarding when we’ll be able to see games played again.

This also does not necessarily mean that this NBA season is salvageable. Brian Windhorst of ESPN brought word that there’s mounting pessimism in talks between the league and the NBPA about being able to restart this season, with the Chinese Basketball Association’s struggles to relaunch its league and the potential that picking this campaign back up can impact 2020-21 as major factors.

Basketball fans’ desire to watch NBA players hoop during the league’s suspension due to the COVID-19 pandemic has led to a whole lot of video games. The NBA 2K League held a tournament that featured NBA and WNBA players, among others, while ESPN is in the midst of a 2K tournament of its own.

What has been lacking, outside of replays of games, has been actual, live basketball. This is understandable, because that cannot happen until games can safely be played. A potential workaround, though, is reportedly being kicked around by the league and the Worldwide Leader in Sports.

According to Adrian Wojnarowski, the two sides are in discussions about a H-O-R-S-E competition that would include some of the biggest names in the league.

As Wojnarowski laid out, all of this is still being finalized, but it’s literally any sort of live basketball being played by professionals, which is much better than nothing. It also would not be the first time has leaned into the idea of a H-O-R-S-E competition, as it implemented one as an All-Star event in 2009 and 2010. Both were won by Kevin Durant, who beat Joe Johnson and O.J. Mayo during the first competition and Omri Casspi and Rajon Rondo in the second.